


The Beauty of The Dark

by Moriarty_assbutt1



Series: The Beauty of the Dark + Know Thy Enemy [1]
Category: Avengers
Genre: Blackfrost - Freeform, F/M, Lokasha - Freeform, Lotasha - Freeform, Natoki - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-13 15:22:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 55,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moriarty_assbutt1/pseuds/Moriarty_assbutt1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha is still haunted by the Chitauri invasion and burdened with sleepless nights, but now she and the Avengers must deal with the return of Loki. As punishment for his crimes Loki has been forced to return to earth and stay at the Avengers Mansion. The close proximity of their living situation may change Natasha's relationship with the trickster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sleepless Nights and Distant Fights

**Author's Note:**

> The Beauty of the Dark
> 
> OK so this is my first ever fic. YAY! *Throws confetti*
> 
> Umm, I guess I'm not the greatest of writers, but I had this idea and I wanted to write it down.
> 
> There's obviously going to be more Loki/Natasha bits but this was just the lift off.
> 
> I hope you like it!
> 
> x

I lifted my head from my pillow and looked around my room; it was dark and the lights from outside shone through the sheer curtains leaving abstract shapes on the walls. The digital clock on my bedside table read 3:34 AM. I let out a tired groan and slowly sat up. My sleeping pattern had been messed up since the Chitauri had invaded, when everything changed.

It had all began in the middle of an interrogation in a dusty old abandoned warehouse, when I received a phone call from Agent Coulson. At the time the phone call had inconvenienced me but it was Coulson’s next three simple words that would be a game changer.

_“Barton’s been compromised”_

Three words that led me into a destructive battle against an army of extra terrestrials, led by the god of mischief, Loki.

Before this attack, aliens and Norse gods were nothing but rumours and whispers circling the S.H.I.E.L.D base, rumours of several crash landings in New Mexico. Nothing more. But the battle had left more than a few scars on my body; it had left memories and fears. I longed to return to a time when aliens were just little green men and gods were just myths. Years of training had never prepared me for something like that. And five months later here I sat, still haunted by the memories of my destructive past and now aliens, as it seems.

 

* * *

 

 

I placed my bare feet on the hard wood floor and lifted myself from my bed. I was used to waking up this early now. I crept down the staircase of “The Avengers Mansion” Stark wasn’t exactly discreet when he decided to explain it to the press. It was a safe haven for us, after everything; however, Clint and I would usually be away on a job and staying in hotels or S.H.I.E.L.D bases. But as we presently had nothing to do we had returned to the Mansion in Manhattan for some peace and quiet.

I made my way to the ground floor into the kitchen, grabbed a glass and poured myself some water. I leaned against the counter and looked around the kitchen, the modern display was cold, and on countless occasions I had difficulty figuring out where everything was, I never stayed long enough to really bother to learn anyway.

The kitchen opened up into the dining room which contains a long glass table and expensive looking matching chairs tucked in to it, a complicated artsy looking chandelier dangles over it, perfectly centre. Everything in this place is perfectly symmetrical and always clean. It’s not home, but then again nothing is, I move around so much that I barely stay in a place long enough to feel any sort of attachment. A tree needs roots to grow branches, and I was wilting.

I downed the rest of my water and walked back to my room, I stopped outside Clint’s door and listened to his snoring, a smile crept on my face, it was re-assuring to hear my best friend could be restful, even if I wasn’t.

I tucked myself back into bed, I lay there in thought, I thought about my last job and how I had singlehandedly taken down one of Americas most wanted with a little help form Clint of course, I guess I had to give him a little credit.

Slowly I fell back to sleep, this was how it was every night for the past five months, always the same.

 

* * *

 

 

My eyes snapped open; a loud door slam had jolted me out of my dreamless sleep. I looked at the clock next to me; it read 8:54 am. I listened intently to the noises that came from the rooms below me. They were almost unrecognisable from being so muffled by the houses structure. I could only just make out the voices of Stark, Fury and someone else with a deep bellowing voice.

Why would Fury be here? We usually get told our jobs over the phone or in the video chat room but that was only used if the job required a number of us.

Why would Fury visit us? Unless…

Then I realised whose voice it was that I couldn’t recognise before. Thor.

I hadn’t seen Thor since we sent him back with Loki in the aftermath of the battle, He had been back once or twice but we had never crossed paths as I was usually on a job or he was visiting his “Lady Jane” as he liked to call her.

I quickly got dressed into some jeans and a plain black top and some pumps and made my way downstairs to the first floor sitting room towards the voices. From what I could hear Thor wasn’t visiting for fun, I heard Steve’s voice butt into their debate. Something was wrong.

 

I turned a corner into the sitting room, Steve was sitting on one of the couches resting his face in the palm of his hand, and sitting next to him was Bruce rubbing his temples. Tony was leaning against a wall with his arms crossed looking defeated. Fury and Thor stood in front of them. Clint was nowhere to be seen.

_Is Clint in trouble? What had happened that had prompted Thor to return and for everyone to get so distressed?_

I walked further into the room, puzzled by Clint’s absence.

“Hey-” I began, Steve, Tony and Bruce all looked up Fury and Thor turned to look at me as I continued to enter the room. Thor’s face perked up as he saw me.

“My lady Natasha!” Thor bellowed and he walked over to receive me with a firm embrace.

“What’s up? Where’s Clint?” I asked. I tried to keep the panic I felt from my voice.

“Clint’s fine” Tony said as he waved his hand away as if to say, “ _that’s not the problem.”_

“He’s um, he’s fetching something” Bruce mumbled as he removed his gasses to rub his eyes.

“Fetching what? Is anyone going to explain why everyone looks so tense?” Why were they being so cryptic? I glanced at Fury and gave him my “You’re going to tell me if you know what’s good for you” glare.

“Clint has gone to fetch Loki, who will be staying with us… here” Steve uttered through gritted teeth, he looked up at Fury, his jaw was stiff, well every muscle on him was stiff.

My jaw dropped automatically, I gaze at Thor who shifted awkwardly on his feet at the sound of Steve’s aggressive tone.

“I’m sorry, I- I think I heard you wrong… You’re saying Loki is back?” I struggled to get the words out of my mouth they seemed so ridiculous.

“By order of my Father, Loki has been sent to earth as punishment for his crimes” Thor emphasised the word order, as if it gave his statement some sort of clarity. It didn’t.

“Punishment? How the hell is that a punishment?” I was shouting now, “This is exactly what he wants! What’s going to stop him from trying to kill us in our sleep or take over the world again?”

“Exactly” Tony nodded in agreement.

“And you!” I directed at Tony, Steve and Bruce who all looked back at me confused, “you didn’t think to wake me up an tell me?”

“It was a matter of urgency Agent Romanoff” Fury looked at me sternly, “Loki is…downstairs.”

“He’s already here?” I was in disbelief. I had always soothed myself after a nightmare with the idea that Loki was locked up; answering for his crimes, and that there was no chance of his return. But now, now he was downstairs and he was going to be staying here, in our “safe haven.”

“Loki has been stripped of his powers, Lady Natasha. He poses no threat to us, he will remain under my watch until my father deems him worthy of return to Asgard” Thor could see he hadn’t convinced me, “Over the past few months I believe he has made much improvement in his prison, he is not the man he was when you last saw him. My father believes that if Loki is faced with the destruction he has caused he will truly understand his wrongdoings.”

“And I agree, Loki will stay here where there is always someone to watch him, end of discussion” Fury stated Thor nodded in agreement, the rest of the avengers looked down, once again defeated, Tony shook his head and laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“Barton, Bring Loki up please” Fury asked into his radio, he looked around at us all, “I understand that this is a complicated issue, especially after what happened to Agent Coulson, but this is a chance for Loki to redeem himself, and I am not gonna pass down a chance to have one less super-villain out there. OK?”

The Elevator doors opened, Clint emerged, he was expressionless but I could always tell when he was angry and I suppose waiting around with the God of Mischief who controlled your mind and made you betray your every instinct would make you a little bit pissed. Behind Clint were two large agents in suit and tie, also expressionless. And then there he was, the God of Mischief.

Loki.


	2. The Old Man and the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter the manor is tense and awkward following Loki’s arrival. Natasha wakes in the early hours of the morning, as per usual, but this time she comes across an unusual sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Second Chapter! I did get a little carried away with writing, and it doesn't exactly help that this is my new form of procrastination. I had planned on making weekly updates but I think this chapter is an exception, who knows? I write tend write as I go, so any suggestions and/or feedback are always welcome!
> 
> Enjoy! x
> 
> [If you are reading this chapter then thank you for sticking with it after the last one! My first chapter was pretty bad, so you deserve a pat on the back for enduring it. Like I said, it was really just a lift-off chapter. It gets better I promise!]

There he was, his hands cuffed, in his traditional Asgardian armour (minus the helmet), the last time I had seen him he was defeated and weak. Five months ago his cheeks had held a sickly green tint to them, his clothing was scratched and faded, he looked ill. But now, now he looked somewhat healthy. The leather and golden metal of his attire were polished and glimmered as if brand new His ebony hair hit hard against his alabaster complexion, he looked stronger, more intimidating. He was still ghostly pale though, but I suppose his prison sentence had allowed visits outdoors.

His face was hard as stone, I looked for any signs of emotion in his eyes, but they maintained a glassy demeanour and held their gaze across the floor. His lips were tensed and tightly shut, and he held his jaw firm. Nothing, I couldn’t get a reading off of him. What was going on inside that psychopathic mind of his?

The air in the room was tense, Fury shifted on his feet awkwardly before leading the two agents and the trickster to his room. As soon as Fury’s footsteps were out of earshot everyone relaxed and Steve let out a loud gasp, I’m pretty sure he had been holding his breath the whole time since Loki’s arrival. Tony turned to the bottles of whiskey sitting on a table in the corner of the room and poured himself a drink, despite it being nine O’clock in the morning, I didn’t protest as I usually did to his early morning drinking, he needed it and I wasn’t about to rid him of a simple pleasure when we had bigger problems on our hands.

Clint walked towards me, his face suddenly flooded with rage. “Goddammit!” He growled and kicked the floor in frustration. I held my arm up to him and rested my hand on his shoulder, that’s about as affectionate as I am, even when Clint is concerned.

“You let him get to you, Clint, don’t let him get to you.” I looked into his eyes, guilt, he was remembering everything he did under Loki’s spell, everyone he harmed. “Don’t pay attention to him, don’t give him the satisfaction.”

Thor looked at me and sighed, “With all due respect my lady Natasha, I fear ignoring my brother will only worsen his attitude, treating Loki as our equal will further encourage him into redemption.”

“Yeah, well that’s gonna take some time big guy” Tony patted Thor on the arm mockingly as he made his way to the exit “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the lab.” He announced.

* * *

 

The mansion was quiet for the rest of the day, Tony and Bruce had retreated to Stark tower, Steve took to the mansions built in gym to let off some steam with the punching bags and Thor was with Loki in his new room, explaining the guidelines of his stay.

I lay on the couch in the sitting room, my back resting on the arm while my legs were propped up in front of me; I read my book _“The Old Man and The Sea.”_ Clint rested his head on my shins, I drowned out his complaining a long time ago, I wasn’t in the mood to indulge in conversations about Loki and how this is just all part of his plan. I wasn’t a therapist. And I wasn’t happy with anyone, why was I left to sleep when everything was being decided downstairs? Would I just wake up someday to find Loki randomly in the kitchen? Nobody tells me anything around here.

Dinner was silent, Fury had gone back to the S.H.I.E.L.D. base and Loki was eating in his room despite Thor’s pleads for him to sit and eat with us. But it was for the best; I dread to think how that meal would have gone down with him there. Dinner was followed up by more silence, usually we would go to the sitting room and talk or watch a film or something, but tonight we all dispersed back to our rooms. Clint and I walked slowly down the long and dimly lit corridor that presented us with the doorways to each of our rooms.

Clint let out let out a long exasperated sigh, this whole Loki situation had him frustrated, I regretted not comforting him earlier as he leant on my knees on the couch. I guess I just wanted to put it to the back of my mind, where I keep most of my bad thoughts, my guilt.

We reached my door and paused for a moment, my best friend was hurting, and I needed to do something, say something.

“He’s here to redeem himself Clint, you and I know exactly what that’s like. He’ll probably apologise soon when he gets the chance, Thor will make sure of that.” I looked at him sympathetically, I had never seen Clint so stumped.

“What he made me Nat, what he threatened to make me do to _you_ ….” He trailed off and the end of his sentence.

I reached my hand on his shoulder and kissed his forehead, “Get some sleep Clint, and if he bothers you this much… If he bothers you this much then just ignore him, forget what Thor said. It won’t be long until our next assignment and then we can be out of this place”

Clint smiled; he obviously liked the sound of this idea, “G-night Nat.” He gave a simple nod and walked down the corridor to his room. I opened my door; my room was a welcome environment after such a long and tense day. I kicked off my pumps, placed my glass of water on my bedside table and sat in the armchair next to my dresser. I slumped into the cold leather closed my eyes, my room is the only place in this house where I could truly be myself, even around Clint I had my guard up and my poker face on, but here in the chair I let a out a long overdue sigh. I took a shower and dressed into my silk pyjamas before tucking myself into bed, I lay there in thought once again but this time I thought of the days events. The slamming of the doors and distant voices deep in debate, the defeated looks on everyone’s faces, and Loki. His icy demeanour and glazed green eyes, I was stuck on those eyes; it irritated me that I couldn’t see through them. I prided myself in my ability to read people, it’s one of the reasons I’m so good at my job. What had he been thinking?

_Dammit Natasha! Don’t let him get in your head!_

My manoeuvred my thoughts to other things, missions and fighting techniques. I noted down things I needed to improve on, and slowly fell into sleep.

* * *

 

2:58AM

The bright blue light of my alarm clock greeted me with similar news as the previous night, I let my eyes adjust to the darkness and then sat up with a sigh. I reached for the water on my nightstand and gulped it all down in one go, some water spilled out and down my top but I was too sleepy and dazed to care. I let my head fall back to my pillow and tried for sleep again. I tossed and turned for what felt like hours, I finally gave up and reached to my nightstand for my book of _“The Old Man and The Sea”._ My hand searched the spot where I usually kept it but there was nothing there.

_Damn_

I had left it downstairs in the sitting room when I was reading with Clint. I let out a groan and hurled myself out of bed, knocking a few things over in the process. I’m not much of a morning person.

I made my way down the staircase and along the corridors toward the sitting room but I stopped in my tracks as I saw a familiar figure, thin, hunched over, sitting on the back of the couch and gazing through one of the windows. Loki. I could see his paper white face in the reflection; the rest of his body was lost in the sae of the early morning darkness and rain that sputtered on the glass. His lips still tightly shut, his green eyes, but they had something different about them since I had last seen him. They were no longer cold and calculation but instead they seemed to glimmer with what I could only assume where tears.

I darted out of the way, so not to be caught in the reflection, and hid behind the wall of the entrance. I peered round to get another look at the fallen god. He had changed out of his armour and instead he had on a dark green t-shirt and dark trousers, his attire and his expression of sadness made him looks so different from the trickster they had fought against only five months ago, he looked almost… human. Maybe Thor had been right when he said Loki had changed.

I spotted my book on the other side of the room where I had left it when we went to eat, I looked from the book to Loki, I didn’t want any hassle so I sacrifice my book for tonight, and I walked back upstairs and to my bed.

I lay in the darkness, restless and confused. What had Loki been doing? Was he even allowed out of his room?

Why was he crying? I remembered his green eyes glistening in the reflection from the window, his expression that echoed so much sadness. They way he sat in his clothing, looking so normal. How was this the same guy that had caused so much pain and destruction? My mind flooded with the image of Loki, sitting so calmly, alone.

I let my mind mull over it until I slowly began to fall back asleep.

* * *

 

9:15 AM

 _“Not bad”_ I thought to myself, I climbed out of bed and drew the curtains, bright sunlight came flooding into my room, I smiled, _“finally some good weather.”_

I brushed my teeth and combed my hair and tied it back. I changed out of my pyjamas and into some blue jeans and a loose white top.

As I walked out of my door I bumped into Steve, he looked a little more cheerful than the day before, he greeted me with a smile and we walked down to the kitchen for breakfast, but as we walked we passed the entrance to the sitting room, I was reminded of the figure I had seen earlier that morning.

“You go ahead,” I said to Steve, moving slowly to the sitting room, “I’ll be there in a sec.”

Steve nodded and walked on to the kitchen where Tony and Thor where laughing and bashing saucers ad pans around. I walked into the sitting room and walked over to where I had seen my book but it was gone, I looked around in confusion until my eyes fell on the place where Loki has sat. There was my book, placed on the arm of the couch next to where he would have sat. I picked it up, stroking the cover protectively. Why would Loki be reading Midgardian literature?

I looked at the cover, imagining Loki’s long hands stroking the pages as mine did, his green eyes studying the words, glistening as they did when I saw his reflection. Clint’s voice snapped me back to reality.

“Hey Nat.” I swirled around on my heels to see him standing in the doorway, “You coming for breakfast?”


	3. Concern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter Natasha discovers that her insomnia is not going unnoticed by the rest of the house and now her sleepless nights may not be spent alone anymore as she discovers that she’s not the only one lurking through the hallways.

The atmosphere of the kitchen was very different than that of yesterdays. Tony and Steve entertained the rest of us with playful banter, but due to Steve’s tightly clenched jaw I guessed it wasn’t so playful for him.

I sat at a counter and ate some porridge that Bruce had kindly offered to make for everyone. I added some almonds and raisins before tucking into my breakfast, I hadn’t realised how hungry I was until the food was placed before me, I noticed Clint staring at me as I shovelled it in my mouth, he looked away as I met his gaze. The rest of the hour was spent talking and laughing, it was nice. Thor “delighted” us with another one of his stories about his visits to New Mexico to see his lady friend Jane Foster, this was followed by plenty of sexual suggestions from Tony. We didn’t often get to spend time together with all of us there. It was good to catch up with Thor and to hear about his family on Asgard, he explained his Mother Frigga and her gentle nature, the bravery of his father Odin, in the many battles he had fought and something about a Sleipnir, but Thor went a little quite about that subject. Steve and I offered to clean up the dishes and everyone dispersed into the houses many different rooms.

“How’d you sleep?” Steve asked tilting his head towards me sideways. He eyed my face sympathetically. I looked back at him in confusion and raised an eyebrow. “You look tired Nat, we’ve all noticed, and we know you haven’t been sleeping well.”

I looked back at the bowl I was drying, “I’m fine.” I said softly and under my breath.

I heard Steve sigh and he went back to scrubbing his plate. His concern for me was touching, but the idea of everyone talking about me behind my back angered me to my core. I clenched the rims of the china bowl in my hands, _‘Is that all they see when I walk into a room?’_ I processed this thought through my mind, all the times I had looked in the mirror and grimaced at the sight of the dark purple circles that lived beneath my eyes, all colours from my cheeks were gone, leaving nothing but a greenish tint. It was obvious that I was of a sickly constitution. I probably resembled Loki when he was last on earth.

 I thought back on Clints watchful eye as I ate my breakfast, at the time I put it down to his surprise that I could eat at such a pace, but no, he had been monitoring my meals. The more I thought about it the more I realised. Last nights awkward dinner, the group had often glanced up at me as I ate my meal, Breakfast after Loki’s arrival to the Avengers Mansion Tony’s awkward staring that I put down to being the result of Peppers absence.

They had been watching me.

My hands clenched the wet bowl and it slipped through my fingers onto the tiled floor.

“Shit,” I moved back in surprise, Steve looked at me with saddened eyes, he was probably making a mental note that I was so week and couldn’t be trusted to handle china carefully. “Sorry Steve, I- I just got distracted.”

I knelt down and picked up the shards of white-varnished clay, Steve knelt beside me and helped pick some pieces up.

“We’re just a bit worried is all Natasha, nothing prepares you for what we had to go through five months ago, we’ve all felt the weight of it afterwards.” I felt his eyes upon me again, he hesitated and then picked up a few more shards, “Tony won’t admit it but even he’s still scared to think about it, and Bruce is meditating _extra_ hard.”

The corner of my mouth curved up in amusement, I looked at Steve again, and he smiled slightly. I placed my free hand onto his shoulder and squeezed softly.

“Thank you, I should be fine soon.” We stood up after all the shards of the bowl were collected and in our hands, “Besides, It’s not too bad having a little time to think.”

Steve chuckled as he took the shards from my hands and dumped them in the bin.

“Each to ones own, Agent Romanoff. Why don’t you go, and I’ll finish up here with the washing up?”

“Are you sure?”

Steve nodded and turned back to the sink, I turned to leave the kitchen but stopped and turned back to Steve quickly, “Thanks Steve, for your concern.” He nodded with a smile in return and then went back to his washing.

As I passed the long mirror that decorated the wall of the corridor I caught sight of my reflection, pale, sickly and haunting. I made a mental note stock up on concealer the next time I went shopping.

* * *

 

I entered the gym on the first floor. I squinted at the fluorescent lights and moved towards the treadmill. Clint was lifting weights in the corner his face was serious and in full concentration, but he was interrupted by Thor’s bulky hand reaching down and grabbing the weight as if it were made of foam.

“You Midgardians and your room of exercise, does any of this actually challenge you?” His voice was booming as he looked at the weight with a furrowed brow.

“Well, not all of us are Norse gods” Clint sat up from his bench. He rubbed his arms where his muscles ached.

I put in my headphones and turned up the volume in order to drown out the tedious conversations between Clint and Thor. I ran for twenty minutes until my muscles began to ache, but I kept going, I could feel Clint’s concerned gaze and I couldn’t let on that I was getting tired. I kept running, clutching the bars on the side of the machine until they went white with the grip. Still running. Forty minutes. Sweat was dripping into my eyes and my calves felt as if they were going to cave in on themselves. Forty-five minutes. The sleepless nights had taken their toll, my breath was wheezy and head began to spin. I clutched the sides tighter. Fifty-five. Every muscle in my body was begging me to stop and end the torture I was inflicting on myself. My eyes remained focused on the wall in front of me, occasionally glancing at the clock. Sixty minutes. I stopped the treadmill and let my body adjust to the lack of motion. My grip on the bars loosened and I made my way off the machine. I turned around, expecting to see Clint’s concern staring me in the face, but the gym was empty. I took advantage of the solitude and flopped down onto the floor, and lay on my back panting heavily. I waited until my breathing had slowed down before stretching out my muscles. I was drenched in sweat and my head throbbed in agony, the fluorescent lights weren’t much help. My stomach turned and threatened to bring up the porridge I had that morning.

I slinked back to my rooms for a shower and threw up in my washbasin. Maybe Steve and Clint were right to be concerned, I obviously wasn’t in a healthy state.

* * *

 

Once I had washed I made my way to the sitting room. My muscles were killing me and I needed to sit and relax. I sat down next to Bruce and picked up my book, it felt weird to be reading it again after seeing it in the hands of Loki, my mind couldn’t focus on the words written before me, every time I read a sentence my bones would ache or the thought of Loki’s piercing eyes reading the same words would corrupt my thoughts.

I put my book down and looked at Bruce who read his newspaper contently. He peered over his reading glasses at me and raised an eyebrow.

“Everything alright Natasha?” I was pleased that he didn’t shorten my name to ‘Nat’ or ‘Tasha’. There were plenty of times when Tony or Steve would slip it into a conversation, I gave up on trying to correct them after a while, it was harder with Thor who seemed to have his mind set on calling me ‘Lady Natasha’ I was far from a ‘Lady’ but it did give me a slight feeling of importance which was always nice.

“Yeah, sorry I’m just a little tired.” I replied. Bruce smiled at me sympathetically. I hated it. I hated the looks everyone gave me. I hated being thought of as the weak one just because I was having trouble sleeping. “It’s probably from spending so much time in the gym.”

Bruce opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Tony’s entrance.

“Pizza for dinner!” Tony announced as he strolled into the sitting room holding a tower of pizza boxes in his arms and set them down on the coffee table. “Jarvis, call Thor, Cint and Cap in here.”

“Right away sir”

Tony looked at us expectantly, “C’mon guys eat up before Thor gets here, you snooze you lose.”

“What prompted a pizza party?” Bruce laughed as he opened a box in front of him.

“I was hungry, should there be another reason?” Tony dug into his pizza with a happy smile on his face. “I thought we could do with a treat, y’know, after everything.”

The rest of the group entered the room and each grabbed a box of pizza and took a seat.

“My brother will not be joining us once more this evening.” Thor informed us sadly as he took a seat on one of the couches.

“Bummer” Tony added with his mouth full of pizza, Thor nodded sadly, not quite understanding the sarcasm behind Tony’s words.

The rest of the evening was spent in the sitting room. Thor left a couple of times to offer Loki some food, only to come back looking disappointed. The pizza was followed by wine and card games. By eleven O’clock, Thor was falling asleep on the couch and Tony and Bruce where drunkenly discussing science and things that I pretended to understand. After a while longer we all left for our rooms, I purposely left my book on the coffee table, if I couldn’t read it anymore I might as well let Loki take it. Clint walked me to my door again and we said our goodnights. I changed into my Pyjamas and fell onto my bed, I was exhausted. I curled up in my duvet and let the days events mull around my mind until I feel asleep.

* * *

 

1:20 AM. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” I moaned, I crawled out of bed, the air was cold compared to bed, I reached for my dressing gown and walked down the corridors and stairs once again. I slowed my pace as I walked past the sitting room so not to be heard if Loki was there once more, I moved towards the doorway and poked my head around the corner to check, the pizza boxes still sat on the coffee table along with the empty wine bottles and glasses, but nobody occupied the room. Noticing that the coast was clear, I moved in closer. The smell of wine still lingered and I noticed old pizza crusts wedged between the sofa cushions, if Loki was awake I didn’t blame him for not going in there. I picked up some wine bottles and a few glasses to take to the kitchen, and then I noticed. My book was gone. I scanned the room for it but it was nowhere to be seen. _‘So he’s enjoying it.’_ I thought.

I picket up as much trash as I could and left the room for the kitchen, if I was suffering from insomnia I might as well use the extra time to be productive. As I made my way down the hallway towards the kitchen I wondered why Loki was always up so late, why he chose to read the book I left out. I would have thought Thor would have at least provided him with books or some other means of entertainment. I shifted my hands to keep the boxes from falling but it was useless because just after I had adjusted my arms I bumped into something, a person. Loki.

A few of the pizza boxes fell to the floor, Loki didn’t flinch, he glared at me through his bright green eyes. I waited for him to say something or move to pick up some of the things I dropped after the collision but he stood still, his jaw clenched. He held the same expression as the one he wore when he arrived to The Avengers Mansion, cold and stone hard. I knelt down to pick up the boxes, Loki remained where he stood as if his shoes where nailed to the ground. He was wearing the same thing he wore when I saw him last, but he didn’t appear as broken as he did then. I stood up, his face had not changed, his jaw stiff and his eyes fixed on me.

“Agent Romanoff” he greeted me coldly.

“Loki, you’re up late.” I glared back at him.

“As are you Ms Romanoff.” He replied.

“What are you doing?”

He hesitated before answering me again, narrowing his gaze. “Exploring, this is indeed and impressive house”

“Exploring?” I raised an eyebrow, a ghost of a smile played on the corners of his mouth.

“I find that these hours of the night allow me to find my way around without encountering one of the houses idiotic residents” He paused, his eyes studied my face, waiting for me to show how his words had taken effect, but a maintained my poker face. “With the exception of you Ms Romanoff… What brings you here so late?”

“I came to think, I couldn’t sleep.” I replied, staring back into his eyes, I wouldn’t draw away from his icy gaze. I wouldn’t let him win. “I live here, I shouldn’t have to explain why I’m awake. Especially not to you.”

He chuckled darkly, and his eyes flickered to the bottles and boxes I cradled in my arms and then back to me. We stood in silence, his glare never leaving my face.

 _‘What the fuck does he want?’_ I thought. Again I couldn’t find a reading on him. His glacial composure hid any signs of emotion, but I knew that behind his cold glare there was sadness, and I had witnessed it, as he sat in front of the window he had seemed so human, almost unrecognisable behind the emotion. The question was what was he thinking now? And what did he mean by glaring at me so coldly and making no attempt to leave. He had made it clear that he didn’t want to bump into someone like me.

“Is there a problem?” I asked, breaking the silence that had lasted for what felt like hours.

“Not at all.” He smirked, I hated the smug look on his face, and I hated how I couldn’t understand why he looked so smug, what was he thinking? “It appears, Ms Romanoff, that you are in my way.”

_‘Is that it? Is that the reason why he won’t move? He’s fucking waiting for me to get out of his way?’_

I glared back at him, the last thing I wanted to do was move, to give in. His glare weighed down on me like a ton of bricks, staring into my soul. After a moments silence I gave in.

_‘Let the stubborn little boy get what he wants.’_

I shifted to the side and walked past him down the hallway, I could still feel Loki’s gaze on me. Unpicking my every motive. I thought back to the previous night, when I had considered if maybe Thor was right, maybe Loki was a changed man.

‘ _I was wrong. Thor was wrong. Loki’s the same bastard he was five months ago, no amount of retribution is going to change that.’_

I turned the corner and paused, I felt a sense of relief that I was no longer under his glare. I paused and listened; sure enough I heard his footsteps walking away and back to the stairs. I inwardly kicked myself for giving in so easily, next time he wouldn’t be so lucky. Would there even be a next time?


	4. What Lurks in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this Chapter: Natasha learns the hard way that perhaps rubbing The God of Mischief the wrong way might get her and the rest of the Avengers hurt. Small Clintasha moments also.
> 
> TW: Choking/Asphyxiation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so remember when I said I was going to make this a weekly thing? Well plans change...
> 
> I'm quite excited about this chapter so I hope you enjoy! x
> 
> TW: Choking/Asphyxiation

It was about seven forty five when I began to hear footsteps above me. I hadn’t slept all night, instead of going back to bed after my encounter with ‘The God of Mischief’ I paced around the hallway for hours, finally giving in by 3:34 am and I began to clean the rest of the mess in the sitting room. I scooped up the crumbs and dabbed salt on the splashes of wine left on the sofa cushions. When that was done by 5:12 I moved on to the kitchen, scrubbing the wine glasses and plates and rubbing down the counter surfaces. I never cleaned, but I had nothing better to do, after all, Loki had my book.

I stood in front of the stove, I made eggs, beans and sausages, I knew that some of the guys were going to be feeling a bit hung-over so a fried breakfast would be a welcome surprise. Steve came in at 8:00 with a huge smile on his face,

“You made breakfast?” He remarked as he sat at a counter to face me.

“Yeah, well, I had a little spare time.” I smirked, but Steve’s face turned sour as he realised. “Don’t look at me like that Rogers, I’m perfectly fine.”

“You should let Bruce take a look at you to see what’s wrong.”

“Bruce is a nuclear physicist, Steve, I highly doubt that he can help me with a sleeping problem.” I served up his breakfast in front of him, “coffee?”

Steve hesitated and began to eat his breakfast, we went silent for a while after that. Fifteen minutes later the rest of the household began to pile into the kitchen. Each one of their faces perked up at the sight of a freshly cooked meal.

“Has someone died?” Tony joked. He accepted the plate of food I handed him with a huge grin on his face.

Bruce inhaled his breakfast, and Clint shovelled it in his mouth as if it were his last meal on earth. I chuckled at the thought that a band of brilliant superheroes was reduced to this when faced with a hangover. I left the kitchen and made my way back to my room for a shower. As I got to the stairs I was hit by how tired I was, even dragging my feet up a few steps made my muscles ache like hell. I made it to the top of the stairs after what felt like forever, but not before I promised myself to take the elevator next time.

As I walked to my room Loki emerged from his door at the very end of the hall, dressed in a dark green shirt that tucked into black pants and a pair of polished black brogues.

It was the first time I’d seen him in the daytime since his arrival, his eyes narrowed as he noticed me walking towards him.

“Did you sleep well, Ms Romanoff?” He asked with a dark smirk playing on his lips. I didn’t want to engage in conversation with him, but I couldn’t walk away not after I had let him win before. I needed to beat him this time, I wanted something to blow that little smirk of his pale face, and I had the perfect ammunition.

“Not at all, I spent most of my time searching for my book. I don’t suppose you’ve seen it? ‘The Old Man and the Sea’?” A smile twitched in the corners of my mouth, Loki’s face fell as he realised what I knew.

“What?” he asked sharply, through gritted teeth.

“Oh, never mind. What use would you have for midgardian literature anyway?” I grinned and walked past him towards my door. I could feel his eyes on me still, success.

I fell back onto my bed, I laughed quietly as I remembered the look on Loki’s face when he realised. I almost felt sorry for him, I knew that if that were I, caught crying as I gazed longingly through a window, I would be mortified, but he deserved it.

I lay on my back and closed my eyes, I finally felt ready to sleep.

 

* * *

 

2:23 PM.

My eyes fluttered open, I took in the warm afternoon light that poured through my window and painted the white wall with golden sunlight. I dressed into my gym clothes and tied back my hair, and set off down the corridor to Clint’s room. Outside his door I could hear that he was watching something on his TV I knocked twice and waited.

“Nat? What’s up?” Clint asked as he pulled the door open.

“I’m thinking of going for a run in a little while, would you like to come with?”

“Sure, let me just get ready and I’ll be down in a minute.” He smiled, I guess it made him happy to see me so awake.

We ran for about and hour, around a nearby park and occasionally stopping for breath. It felt good to get some fresh air, the house felt like a cage and now I was free.

We found a café just a few blocks away and decided on lunch. We took a table outside in the sun and rested our muscles.

“How are feeling?” Clint asked as he tucked his chair into the table.

“Better, it’s good to get outside for a change.” I murmured as I studied my menu.

“You’ve got the colour back in your cheeks Nat, maybe we should make this a regular thing.” Clint smiled, he knew I wasn’t perfectly healthy yet but it pleased him to see some change.

“Definitely, can we come here regularly as well, I mean look at the options.” I laughed looking back at the menu, I was proud of myself, I felt better, I probably looked better and now I could relax with my best friend just like it used to be.

Lunch passed quickly and we made our way back to the house, I was itching for a shower and so was Clint.

“Had any run ins with our new housemate yet?” Clint asked me as we approached the mansion.

“A few,” Clint looked up at me surprised, “But we didn’t speak.” I lied.

“I’m lucky if I catch even a glimpse of him, he sulks in his room so much I wonder if he’s even still alive.” Clint almost seemed jealous that I had seen Loki more than him, as if Loki was some rare sighting like a UFO or a unicorn.

“I’m pretty sure Thor’s planning to take Loki to see some of the wreckage or the injured soon, he thinks that if Loki is faced with the pain he caused it will help.” I informed him, we walked up the pathway to the front door and paused.

“Yeah, well no offense to Thor, but I don’t think Loki’s the type to have an active conscience, He’s probably gonna laugh in their faces. Tell them they deserved it.”

Clint was probably right. I shrugged and opened the front door. “Loki’s retribution could last a long time, I guess we just have to sit back and wait. Besides, we’ll have a job soon and we’ll be sent halfway around the world were he can’t get to us.”

We walked back to our rooms in silence, it irritated me that the mere mention of Loki could make us end our day on a sour note. I hopped in the shower, the warm water felt amazing on my skin. I washed the sweat and grease away from my hair and basked in the heat. After my shower I dressed into some sweat pants and a plain top and grabbed a book from my shelf. I wasn’t bothered that Loki had abducted my old one, I had already read it twice before. I sat on the armchair in my room and began to read. I spent the rest of the day reading and resting my muscles.

Dinner was a very watery serving of spaghetti in a tomato sauce, served by Steve who admittedly wasn’t the greatest cook in the house. Loki was absent once more, and Thor made no attempt to coax him out of his room this time. We ended the night with another round of cards and by nine I began to feel drowsy. It had been a long day, and the run from earlier was beginning to take its toll.

A few of us left for bed, myself included, as I passed the long mirror in the corridor to my room I caught a glimpse of my reflection, the bags under my eyes were not so easily missed and I still maintained a greenish complexion.

_‘And here I thought I was getting better…’_

* * *

 

I was standing on top of Stark Tower, above me the Chitauri were emerging from the portal like wasps from their nests. Gradually more and more flew out, until the sky was dotted with millions of them. And Loki, he stood  a couple of ledges above me, a haunting smile creeping its way across his face. I looked around for my teammates, a discarded shield, scattered pieced of red painted iron, a dozen arrows splayed across the floor snapped and bloodied. The city beneath me was nothing but fire and rubble, the screams of citizens where piercing, I could see their shapes beneath the smoke, running for shelter. There was nothing that I could do. I stood atop the tower helplessly, watching the city burn and listening to the desperate cries of the people I could not save.

1:32 AM

My eyes snapped open, my breathing ragged. It was the first dream I had had in months, and it scared the shit out of me.

I didn’t want to go back to sleep, I feared the dreams that I might conjure if I did so. I didn’t want to leave my room though, I couldn’t risk another run in with Loki, especially after what I had just experienced. My mouth was dry, I reached for my water and downed it in one go. I sat in silence for a moment, contemplating my next move.

_‘Damn him, I’m not going to stay cooped up in my room just because of him. I live here, it’s my house.’_

I left my room and crept down the corridor, I knew where every creaking floorboard was and took extra precaution to avoid them. I paused as I reached the stairs, I listened for the sound of footsteps, turning pages, anything. The coast seemed clear and I proceeded on my way down the marble steps, carefully and quietly as I could. I made it to the bottom after some time, creeping quietly down stairs means sacrificing speed for silence. I looked left and then right down the two separate hallways, all lights were switched off and there was no sign of movement.

_‘Maybe Loki’s not here tonight, maybe I really got to him this morning and is just as threatened by the thought of bumping into me as I am to him.’_

I felt a sense of relief as I came to this conclusion, my mind wanted to believe it, and thus it did. I paused for a moment remembering why I actually came downstairs in the first place and then I remembered it was for water. I turned on my heel towards the kitchen and made my way down the hall. I heard a slight creaking from behind me and I spun round in defence but a cold hand grabbed my jaw and clasped my arm from behind, pinning me to the wall and then covering my mouth so I couldn’t cry for help. I stared into he green eyes of my capturer, in the darkness Loki’s eyes seemed almost luminous. One hand grasped my neck tightly, I tried to gasp for air but it was useless.

“Listen to me Ms Romanoff” his voice was low and serious, his face was so close to mine, I could feel his breath in my ear, “I don’t know what you think you know, or what you think you saw two nights ago, but rest assured, one word of such a thing will be your last.”

I dug my nails into his hands, but it had no effect on his stone hard face. I moved my leg up in attempt to hit his groin but he lifted my feet off of the ground by my neck. His cold thumb pressed against my throat, pushing it ever so slightly.

“Get… off me” is all I could muster, my voice was weak and barely audible. I could see a wild grin stretch across his face in the darkness, all I could do was glare back at him.

“Your little friends will barely have time to mourn you before I slit their throats while they sleep. Understood?” He loosened his grasp and dropped me to the floor before beginning to walk away.

I gasped for breath, weak and curled up on the hardwood floor. “I get it,” I wheezed, Loki paused in his walk, his back still facing me. “You’re afraid of… your own emotions… you think they make you seem weak, so you hide them away… but what you don’t understand is that it’s your withdrawal from them that makes you the spineless bastard you are.” I breathed heavily, coughing occasionally and clasping my neck, which ached like hell.

Loki turned on his heel to face me, a smirk played on his lips, “You think me spineless?” He chuckled. “You? Who jumps to accept the commands of director Nick Fury? You would kill without a second thought just because he commanded it.”

“That sounds pretty similar to you and the Chitauri.” His jaw clenched and he strengthened his glare. “They put a sceptre in your hand and your putty in theirs, right? I see it now, behind this cold demeanour there’s a scared little boy, a boy who didn’t get enough hugs from daddy.”

Loki took a large step towards me, his hands forming fists by his sides, his eyes were bloodthirsty, “You know nothing.” He spat, he stared down at me with such hatred.

“I know enough,” I replied, my heartbeat quickened at his close proximity, “I know that you feared rejection from your father for being a frost giant, so you fulfilled your own prophecy so to be rejected as a monster. You only wanted to be your brothers equal, but years of oppression and living in his shadow made you grow bitter, I see it all now.”

Loki’s glare remained on me, his body was tense and I couldn’t tell if he was fighting his every urge to either beat me to death or have a break down.

“Tell me, if you so wanted to be his equal why did you choose this fate? Do you think you will win? Do you think your efforts to take over ‘Midgard’ will win you the favour of those where you are from? Or was it all just a way to finally feel accepted, but you even failed them, the Chitauri, and now you’re here.” Loki’s gaze softened at my analysis, his eyes wide and glazed. I glared up at him, my words had taken effect. “Don’t ever threaten me or my friends again, do you hear me? Now if you don’t mind Loki, it appears you are in my way.”

I pushed past the now stunned God of Mischief and made my way to the kitchen, I looked back to where Loki still stood in silence, his shoulders hunched in defeat. I almost pitied him, my words had been cruel maybe too cruel. As I turned I felt a sharp pain in my neck and I was reminded why he had deserved every word I sent his way.

I returned to my room after getting myself some water, I wasn’t so scared of the dreams, not after what had just happened, dreams were my imagination whereas Loki’s threats were very real.

* * *

 

9:34 AM

I stood in front of my washbasin and mirror, my neck was red and bruised, and looking closer I could just make out Loki’s handprint. I slipped into a black turtleneck jumper that had been living in the back of my dresser unworn for years. I paired it with some black jeans and my brown boots. I let my hair down to cover the rest of my neck, almost all of the marks where hidden from view, the rest I covered up with some foundation.

I hesitated before leaving my room, I was actually scared to leave the safety of my room. I considered staying and skipping out on breakfast but I knew that would only raise concerns on my health.

 _‘Everybody is awake this time Natasha, if anything happens you’ll be OK, just don’t let your guard down again.’_ I told myself repeatedly as I slowly opened my door, I poked my head out to check for anyone else, but the corridor was empty. I walked slowly down towards the stairs, listening for approaching footsteps and constantly scanning the area for movements. I checked my environment before using the staircase, making sure nobody was there to push me. Loki had said that he would kill me if I told anyone about when I saw him crying, but after everything I threw at him last night I wasn’t taking any chances.

I entered the kitchen to see Tony, Clint and Steve standing around eating cereal and toast, my eyes scanned the rest of the area, Bruce sat at a counter reading the newspaper. As I moved closer into the room I was stopped at a surprising sight, Thor and Loki sat at the end of the Dining table deep in discussion, Loki noticed my entrance and glared up at me with his coldest look yet.

“Going skiing Nat?” Clint’s voice brought me back into he room, I let out a breath that I didn’t even know I was holding.

“What?” I responded, my eyes moved back to the kitchen.

“What’s with the top? You look as if you’re going to rob a bank?” Clint chuckled at his own joke, typical.

“Has S.H.I.E.L.D. given you an assignment?” Steve asked, almost jealous with his conclusion.

“Of course they haven’t they’re not contacting us unless it’s a global threat. That way we’re stuck babysitting little boy blue over there.” Tony gestured to Loki who moved his glare back to him. “But what is with the getup Tash? Do you need Jarvis to turn up the heating or something?”

“I’m fine, all my other jumpers were dirty, so I dug this one up, it’s not too bad.” I looked back at Loki who smirked, knowing exactly why I had the jumper on.

“I like it.” Bruce interjected, he smiled over his newspaper and went back to reading.

I grabbed myself a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee, “I’m thinking of going to the doctors today,” Clint looked up from his cereal in surprise, “just to see if I can cure this… insomnia.”

“I can come with you if you want Nat.” he replied with another one of his sympathetic smiles.

“No, I’ll be fine by myself. I might need to call a cab though.”

“My lady Natasha,” Thor looked up from the dining room, “You may share the carriage that I have been given, I’m sure the driver can take you to your destination before taking my brother and I to our own.”

I shivered at the thought of being in a car with Loki, even if Thor would be there as well, I could just imagine the hateful glares I would receive.

“Thanks Thor but-”

“Then it is settled! We will make our journey once you have finished your food.” Thor beamed at the idea of helping me, he didn’t realise that I would have been happier with walking, hell, I would have been happier crawling there.

Before I could interject and decline his offer Thor stood up to leave, “Come brother we have some things to do before we depart.”

Thor left followed by an agitated Loki who gave me one last ‘I could kill you in your sleep’ glare.

Once they had left Tony turned to me with a smug look on his face, “Well, good luck with that.” He laughed, thinking himself the most hilarious man on the planet.

I finished my breakfast with plenty more sympathetic looks and Loki based jokes. The idea of riding in a town car with him made me feel sick, even more sick than usual.


	5. Listen to Your Instincts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Natasha wakes in the middle of the night once more, she prepares herself for the worst, but something is a little different from her previous encounters with the trickster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely sure I like this chapter. It does have a lot of Loki/Natasha moments but I'm hoping it didn't come across too OOC. But hey, here it is in all it's glory. Feedback would be wonderful. x

The wind wiped my hair over my face, and Thor seemed to be having a similar problem. We walked down the steps into the driveway where our car was waiting for us.

“After you, my lady.” Thor held the car door open for me and I climbed inside the vehicle. I looked around the interior, it was spacious and there were two sets of seating, one with its back to the driver. Loki came in afterwards, he wore a black suit with a dark green tie, I was relived to see him take a seat furthest away from mine. Thor sat next to his brother, he beamed as he took in the cars environment.

 “Midgardian transport never ceases to amaze me,” he uttered in wonder, “Imagine riding into battle in one of these, eh Loki?” Thor nudged his brother who looked bored out of his mind.

The car journey was mostly silent, Thor would often make attempts to form a conversation with Loki but there was never any reply.

“So, what are your plans for the day?” I asked Thor in my attempt to break the silence.

“My brother and I are visiting some of the victims of the battle against the Chitauri, Mr Fury will be meeting us there.” He paused awkwardly, “You are welcome to join us if you wish.”

I smiled at the invitation, Thor was always so gentlemanly, but what else could you expect from the prince of Asgard. Loki’s scowl deepened at the thought of me joining them once more.

“Well, that sounds lovely, but I have an appointment to get to.”

_‘And the thought of spending the day with the god of mischief makes my neck hurt.’_

“No matter, my lady, perhaps another time?” Thor smiled back awkwardly and turned his head to peer out the window. Loki sighed at the thought of more outings to come, he looked at me with pure contempt, is eyes flickered to my neck before he formed a devilish smirk. I glared back, he disgusted me, how could have taken so much pleasure in my pain?

Thor opened the door for me as I climbed out of the town car, it had stopped right outside of the doctors clinic.

“Thanks Thor,” I said as I walked towards the double doors, he moved to accompany me to the entrance, “It’s fine, I can take it from here, good luck with Loki. I’ll see you at dinner.”

“Of course my lady.” He made a slight bow and moved back into the town car.

“Thor,” He paused, midway into the vehicle. “Please, just call me Natasha.”

Thor nodded obediently and closed the door behind him, the car rolled down the road and out of sight. I paused and stood in the middle of the sidewalk, I took a deep breath and looked up at the tall building that loomed over me. I noticed a few people looking at me, trying to figure out where they had seen me before. I moved swiftly through the double doors of the clinic and towards the reception.

“Hi, I have an appointment at eleven forty with Dr Frey.” The woman behind the counter looked up from her computer screen and smiled.

“OK, and your name please?”

“Natalie Rushman.”

The receptionist confirmed my appointment and showed me to the waiting room where I sat for a good fifteen minutes surrounded by people coughing and sneezing, and there I was, waiting for a doctor to help me with a minor sleeping problem. I wondered if there was any point to me being there, what could the doctor say that could help me at all? Drink some warm milk, take a sleeping pill, and don’t sleep during the day. I knew it all. After another five or six minutes of tediously waiting, I gave up. I Left the clinic and stood on the sidewalk again. I paused for a moment, part of me was telling myself to go back and sort my problem out once and for all, and maybe the doctor could help me out. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t subject myself to admitting I was weak. I’d missed out on plenty of sleep but I was still standing strong. I walked down the sidewalk towards the main road where there would be cabs to take me back home.

_‘You idiot Natasha, how are you going to do a mission when you’re so weak?’_

I kicked myself inwardly for being so conflicted, why couldn’t I be normal, why did I have to keep bringing up the past and dwelling on bad memories?

I hailed a cab and made my way back to the mansion, I let the cabby drive the long way so Clint wouldn’t question me on why my doctor’s appointment was so short. I took this time to think of some sort of story, what would satisfy Clint’s concerns?

* * *

As expected, Clint was on my case the moment I walked through the front door, I was like he could sense my presence and it was weird. He bombarded me with questions about how it went, what the doctor suggested or what he found was wrong with me.

“It was fine Clint, it’s mostly stress related. Nothing I couldn’t have figured out myself.” We sat in the sitting room with Tony and Steve who listened in on our conversation.

“Well what did he suggest? Did he prescribe you anything?” Clint was persistent. You would have thought I was dying of a disease or something.

“ _Please_ tell me you scored some medical marijuana Nat.” Tony’s eyes glistened at the thought, and Steve replied by glaring at him agitatedly.

“Warm milk, and lots of exercise.” I slumped into my chair, I didn’t want to talk about it anymore, I hated lying to Clint, especially about something he was so worried about.

“Ugh boring.” Tony crossed his arms in disappointment prompting more irritated looks from Steve.

Steve turned his gaze away from Tony and looked to me, “That’s all? They didn’t even give you a sleeping pill?”

“It’s a minor sleeping problem, I just need to stay relaxed and I should be able to cure myself in time.” I got up to leave, I wasn’t usually prone to a guilty conscience but with the added concern from Steve along with his puppy dog eyes it was like a guilt overload.

“It’s been five months Nat,” Tony murmured, so now he decided to be serious? “I would hardly write it off as a minor problem. It would have gotten better by now if that was the case.”

“So? Maybe I just haven’t been trying hard enough, now I know, and now I can work on getting better. Please just stop worrying about me, I’m fine.” I walked out of the sitting room before anyone could make a response and made my way to my room.

* * *

The rest of the afternoon I spent reading and pacing my room. At four thirty or so I dressed into some sweatpants, a vest and a hoodie to cover up my neck. I went down to the gym, it was relieving to see it almost empty; Bruce was sat on a yoga mat in the corner meditating.

“Can I join you?” I asked, he opened his eyes and looked up at me with a smile.

“Of course,” he gestured towards a mat that I rolled out next to his, “Come to relieve some stress?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.” I flattened down the mat and sat to face him. Bruce laughed quietly, his eyes half open.

“Have you ever meditated before?”

“Once or twice, a while ago though.”

“D’you know any breathing exercises?”

“No.” I laughed.

“Here let me teach you,” He opened his eyes fully and showed me the position he was in, “This is the lotus position, if you find you can’t do it just cross you legs.”

I stretched one leg over the other in the complicated position with ease. Bruce chuckled at my flexibility. ”I almost forgot who I was teaching, now place your hands on your knees like so.” He put his index finger and thumb together facing upwards, I followed suit, and he smiled to tell me I was on the right track.

“This is called Gyan Mudra, The index finger represents the planet Jupiter which represents knowledge and expansion.” I raised an eyebrow, and he looked up at me confused. “I don’t usually teach people this so…” he trailed off timidly.

“No it’s just, ‘Knowledge and expansion’? It kind of suits you.”

Bruce laughed, “Well maybe you should use Buddhi Mudra.” He moved his thumb to touch his little finger.

“What does that represent then?” I laughed.

“The little finger is associated with mercury. Mercury represents quickness, and power of communication, this one suits you pretty well.”

“Buddhi Mudra it is then.” I copied Bruce’s hand position and looked at him expectantly. “Next?”

“Next we focus of our breathing, um, close your eyes now, we breathe in through the nose, slowly, and exhale through the mouth. Releasing any tension in your body and sensing nothing but your breath, removing any focus from the outside world.” Bruce’s voice was soft and calming. I followed his instructions, feeling myself getting more and more relaxed as time went on. “Just feeling a sense of weightlessness, relaxing the muscles. Just taking a moment to sense the balance, it’s not often one take the time to feel this in the busy and stressful lives we lead. The mind is calm and relaxed but alert and intelligent. And now we surrender the mind, and bring our hands together like so. Namaste.”

I opened my eyes slowly, for the first time in months I was relaxed. A tiny smile curved up the sides of my lips. Bruce opened his eyes and looked at me awkwardly.

“Helpful?”

“Very, thank you.” I stretched my smile into a grin, “You know, you could do that for a living, you’re a great teacher.”

“I don’t know, I doubt people would want to join a class where they stand a chance of being beaten to death by the teachers big green alter ego.”

We rolled up our mats and put them back in the corner, “Well anyway, thank you again. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually sleep tonight?”

* * *

I was stupid to think it would be that easy, I lay awake again, the clock read 11:58 PM. Perfect. I tried to replicate Bruce’s breathing exercises but it wasn’t the same, I was sweaty and worked up from the dream I had had, I couldn’t remember much of it, and what I could remember I’d rather not. I tossed and turned in my attempt to go back to sleep, but it was futile. I gave into my temptations to get up. I paused for a moment and meditated on the idea of getting dressed, if I were to bump into Loki again I should like to be dressed in something a little less revealing and a little more robust than a vest and pyjama shorts. I knew that the possibility of any more sleep that night was doubtful, and I theorised that the less sleep I had that night, the more I would have the next. I dressed into some black jeans and a dark green cotton t-shirt, and made sure I could move easily in them by stretching my legs and waving my arms around slightly. I reached for my gun and tucked it into the back of my jeans.

I crept down the corridor as slowly as I could, and down the staircase. Had it really come to this? I had to take a gun with me just to get a drink of water?  I had to creep in my own house, the place that was supposed to be safest. The concept of tiptoeing up and down the corridors and sneaking past doorways unseen in my own house seemed nonsensical, yet my mind told me to be on my guard and my body obeyed its every command. I listened out for footsteps but the house was deathly silent, all that was to be heard was the wind outside and the distant beeps of traffic from the main road. As I passed the sitting room entrance a familiar but unexpected sight intrigued me. Placed on the coffee table was my book, the one that Loki had taken. I stared at it for a moment, my mind was still waking up and taking in my surroundings, but the sight of my book made me stop. I took a few steps towards it, something about the way it was so neatly placed on the table made me uncertain that it had just been left there absentmindedly.

I picked up my book and stroked its spine, and my fingers caressed its crinkled texture. I flipped through the pages for any rips or bends in the pages. Loki had left it in surprising good condition. I sat on the couch and scanned the pages further. I had expected more damage to have come to my book, a smudge at least. Movement in an armchair in the far corner of the room caught my eye, I reached for my gun but the darkness of the corner made it impossible to see the cause of it.

“An impressive read.” A familiar silky voice that made a shiver run down my spine drifted from the direction of the armchair.

“It’s a classic.” I said stoically, the figure in the darkness took a step forward, revealing a dark smirk painted on his paper white face.

“I finished it not too long ago, but I thought it was about time I returned it to you.” Loki moved further out of the darkness. He wore the same suit as he did that morning, but without the jacket and his collar and green tie were slightly loosened revealing his long neck.

“Why now? After last night I would have thought you’d thrown it out a window.”

“I suppose this is my way of saying sorry.” He looked at my neck apologetically, “I do so hope you can forgive me.” His voice was phlegmatic and detached, his eyes moved up to meet mine with a wry smile.

“What makes you think for one second that I’m going to believe you?” I stood up so he didn’t tower over me like a human does an ant.

“You do not trust me?” he raised an eyebrow as if he were truly shocked at my distaste towards him.

“Of course I don’t, how could I? After everything…” I trailed off, trying to calm myself so not to shoot him in the face out of ferocity.

“It would be in your best interests to do so Ms Romanoff.” His face turning sour, he turned on the lamp beside the armchair and took a seat. “The sooner we learn to be civil together the sooner I can return to my home in Asgard, and you may return to working for S.H.I.E.L.D. You see, we want the same things.” He gave a sly smile and leaned back in his chair waiting for my response.

“Why did you choose now to atone yourself? Why not when you arrived?”

“My brother detected my animosity towards you this morning, he warned me that if I could not act with civility towards you then I must stay longer in Midgard, you can understand why this would be undesirable for me.”

“So, what? You’re going to try and be nice to me now?”

Loki chuckled menacingly, “No, this is where you come in. If my brother hears from you that I can be pleasant and amiable then my sentence in this prison will not be extended and you will be free to roam the halls of this place with no fear of what lurks in the shadows.”

“Why would I lie to Thor to help you?”

“Because, with each tedious minute I spend on earth I am plotting new ways to murder you and your little friends, who knows, maybe one day I will go through with one of them.” Loki glared at me threateningly from his seat.

I pulled out my gun and aimed straight for the space between his eyes, “I told you never to threaten my friends again.” Loki’s glare twisted into wide grin at the sight of my weapon.

“Go on, do it, try your hand at killing a god. I dare you.” He replied coldly. His grin loosened and he tightened his jaw.

“A shot to the head, even you can’t be immune to something as fatal as that.”

“Does it threaten you?” Loki asked changing the subject, he didn’t seem fazed by the gun being pointed directly at him. “To know that a monster lives not a few meters away from where you sleep?”

I couldn’t tell if he was talking about himself or taking a stab at Banner. I tried not to let his change in subject throw me off. “Bruce is under control, he’s had the Hulk under control for months now.”

Loki laughed at my response; he had expected me to take the opportunity to insult him. “I wasn’t talking about Dr Banner, but it is nice to know you see him that way.”

“Banner’s not a monster.”

“No? And what about me?”

“Neither are you, but you like to think you are. It’s how you want to be seen, isn’t it?”

Loki shifted in his chair; he clearly didn’t want me to psychoanalyse him again. “You didn’t think so on my last visit to earth,” He was talking about when I had gone to see him in his glass cage aboard the Helicarrier to coax his plan out of him, when he had threatened to kill me through Clint’s hijacked mind. “What’s changed your mind?”

“Unlike everyone else in this place, I understand the value of a second chance.”

“Oh I know you do.” Came his reply, sometimes I could forget how much Loki knew about me, he knew me just as well as Clint did, possibly even better. Loki relaxed into his chair, his menacing grin weakened into bemusement. “You think I deserve a second chance?”

“I think you need one, for your own sake.” I softened my voice a little. My gun was still pointed at his head.

Loki rested his chin on his knuckles, and sat in thought for a moment. I had truly puzzled him. “Why do you show me such benevolence?” he questioned. He looked up at me but not with acerbity, instead his eyes showed a slight glimmer of sadness and confusion. I lowered my gun and tucked it back in my jeans.

“Like I said,” I smiled sympathetically, “I’m big on second chances.” I pitied him, the sadness I could see in his eyes reminded me of what I saw it the reflection of the window a few nights ago, and how weak he had seemed. I turned back the couch and took a seat facing the broken demigod. There was a long silence, I considered getting up and leaving at one point but my instinct told me to stay.

Loki sat staring out of the large window next to his chair, he looked deep in contemplation, his eyes observing the darkened garden outside.

“Enjoying the view?” I asked, finally breaking the silence. Loki looked back at me, his eyes were wide and his lips tightly shut. There was something fragile about him, as if he had let all of his anger and hostility wash away in his moment of thought.

“My brother always speaks about the beauty of Manhattan at night, but I see nothing extraordinary about it.” He turned back to the window with a furrowed brow.

“Maybe you just need to see it from the right perspective.” Loki looked back at me quizzically, “The Empire State Building, it provides a pretty amazing view at night, maybe Thor can take you some time?”

“My brother would not treat me to such things, not while there are still injured victims to visit.” He said bitterly.

“I could take you.” Loki’s head turned to me speedily, he looked just as shocked at what I had just blurted out than I was. As soon as the words rolled off my tongue I wanted to take them back.

“Why would you do such a thing for me?” Loki looked genuinely confused, and I didn’t blame him. Why would somebody who just pointed a gun to his head be offering such a thing?

“I, err…” I was just as lost as he, but I tried to find a reasonable explanation, “I just thought, maybe, seeing the city thriving instead of in the midst of destruction might help you. I don’t know, it was a stupid suggestion.”

“I would be very grateful if you could.” My head snapped up at his response. I expected to see him smirking at me dryly but instead he looked at me with all seriousness, I could see his desire in his eyes and I began to panic slightly, I hadn’t anticipated he would actually take me up on my offer. I looked at my watch, 12:39 AM; I hesitated for a moment before looking back at his pleading eyes.

“I suppose if we left now we could make it before the last elevator…” A large smile began to spread across Loki’s face, he looked like a child finding out they were going to Disneyland. It was the first genuine smile I had seen him create, one that wasn’t formed out of hatred. “Get your coat then.”

* * *

As I waited by the front door for Loki I reflected on what I was about to do, I despised Loki in every possible way, his pernicious nature, his blatant disregard for the detriment he left behind him five months ago. He killed people, one of them being Agent Phil Coulson. He took Clint’s mind twisted it, played with it, made him do his bidding. But for some reason here I was by the door, waiting to take Loki to visit The Empire State Building.

_‘What are you doing Natasha? Why are you doing this? Don’t you remember what he did? He’s the reason you can’t sleep!’_

I shifted on my feet uncomfortably, rationalising by actions.

_‘Loki just needs a push in the right direction. He needs positive attention. What he did was sick, yes, but everybody deserves a second chance, I did.’_

Loki moved swiftly down the staircase and towards the front door, he still had on his suit but he had paired it with a long black coat and houndstooth scarf, a little overdressed for where we were going. I opened the front door, as I did so the cold air gushed into the house, Loki shifted his scarf around his neck to keep himself warm. Two security men waiting by the gate eyed me suspiciously.

“He’s with me, don’t worry, he’s under my supervision, we’re just going for a walk.” I assured the tired looking guards, they allowed us to pass through the gates an out onto the sidewalk. Loki looked around curiously, he hadn’t seen the outside of the gates without being locked in a car.

I tracked down a cab and we drove to The Empire State Building, the cab ride was awkwardly quiet. The cab driver peered into his rear view mirror multiple times to catch a glimpse at our familiar faces that he couldn’t seem to place. It was probably a good thing he couldn’t place Loki’s. The cab ride just gave me more time to inwardly kick myself at what I was doing, but it was too late to turn back.

We arrived at The Empire State Building with enough time to catch the last elevator up, I was surprised that there weren’t many people in the queue, just a crowd of foreign school students and a few small groups of tourists. Loki and I barely talked on the way up, in truth there wasn’t much else to talk about that wouldn’t result in me pulling a gun on him. The elevator buzzed with the excitement of the tourist groups, Loki and I were separated as he was pushed to the back, I watched him carefully from where I stood. He towered over everybody, his face like stone but he showed slight agitation from being pushed and touched. He knew that any sign of hostility towards anyone and we’d be going straight back home.

The elevator doors opened with a ding and the crowds of tourists piled out excitedly leaving Loki and I to trail behind. We walked through the doors that led to the outside observation deck, the lights of the city were breath taking, I looked at Loki who stood gazing out at the skyline taking it all in. We walked to a spot by the fencing for a better look.

“Over there is The Chrysler Building, and Grand Central Station. And there is Times Square,” I said pointing in the directions of the different landmarks. “And down there, that’s Central Park. And obviously you remember Stark tower.”

“The view from there was not quite as impressive as this.” Loki recounted, his eyes never leaving the skyline.

“Don’t let Stark hear you say that.” I laughed quietly and looked out at the glistening lights, it was truly beautiful. “How does it compare to Asgard? From what Thor’s told me this must probably seem a little insignificant.”

“When you have grown up with the ability to see the whole kingdom from the window of your bed chambers, it does not seem as special as it would to someone who has never seen it. Yes Asgard is a glorious city, but this, this is….” Loki trailed off, unable to think of what to say. His eyes glistened as they made another scan of the city, a small gentle smile made its way up his lips.

We stood in silence for a moment, taking in the Big Apple in all her glory. I couldn’t help but take a few glances a Loki, the city had undone him, he stood with a ridiculous grin on his face, his eyes flickering over the scenery until something caught his eye. His gaze drifted to Stark Tower and then to a few construction sites nearby, he noticed the broken walls and buildings still being repaired, though some of them were almost back to normal, it was obvious they had taken a serious hit. Loki’s expression grew cold, he tensed as he drew his attention to each construction site.

“Did I do that?” he asked faintly.

“Technically it was the Chitauri, but yes, I guess that was your doing.” I looked back up to him, he stood awkwardly next to me, his eyes glazed over.

“I would like to go now Ms Romanoff.” He said coldly.

“Go? We just got here.” I looked at him confused, he returned my look with a hateful glare.

“I said I would like to go, so we are going.” He grabbed my arm tightly and pulled me back inside, his fingers pressing hard on my upper arm.

“Get off me!” I pulled at his grip on my arm arising stares and concerned looks from bystanders. “Fine! We’ll go, just get your hands the hell off of me before I rip them off.”

Loki released his grip and walked towards the elevators, I smiled reassuringly at the bystanders who watched me anxiously. I walked over to Loki and pressed the button for the elevator, and waited. I prayed for someone else to ride in the elevator with us, the idea of being in a confined space alone with Loki was terrifying when I didn’t have my gun for protection, but the doors closed and we where left alone.

“Why did you bring me here? To torment me, was that it?” Loki fumed stepping closer towards me.

“You asked me to! You said you wanted to go, I was only trying to be…”

“What?” he interjected, “Nice?”

“I guess, but not to worry, I won’t bother next time if this is how you repay the favour.” I turned away from Loki’s gaze, I regretted ignoring every instinct that told me to stay home.

“Oh not to worry Ms Romanoff, there will be no ‘next time.’” Loki spat bitterly.

The rest of our journey home was silent, during the cab ride Loki was stiff next to me, halfway through I had to ask the driver to stop so that I could sit in the front with him instead of being stuck with the petulant child in the back.

* * *

We arrived back at the mansion at 2:36 AM. The security guards met us at the gate, they looked surprised to see Loki had actually returned with me. We walked in silence up the gravel driveway and up to the door, I opened the door and was greeted by the warmth and comforting sight of the main hall. As Loki made his way in I closed the door quietly behind him and left for the staircase without a word. As I walked up the steps I could feel his gaze on me, though this time I couldn’t tell if it was hateful or not, but I didn’t dare look back to check.

I crept past the bedroom doors of my housemates and found my own. My room was a welcome sight, I undressed, slipped back into my pyjamas and crawled back into my bed. I was exhausted, the trip into town and the fresh air had knocked the life out of me and for once I felt truly ready to sleep. I lay my head back onto my pillow, I could hear Loki’s footsteps down the corridor, his long strides heading for his room at the end, they paused for a moment outside my door and I reached for my gun in case he tried to get in, but he continued his walk to his room. I exhaled slowly and began the breathing exercises Bruce had taught me, slowly I could feel myself drifting back into sleep until I was completely gone.


	6. Numb the Senses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha is left weary after the previous night, she seeks comfort in an unlikely friend. Pepper. But their night out drinking wine could lead to some unusual choices of Natasha’s behalf.

I stood at the observation deck of The Empire State Building, the Chitauri flew around the city, below me there was nothing but destruction, but the observation deck was silent and empty. I could hear distant cries of injured civilians but somehow I couldn’t move to go and help them. I could feel nothing but fear. An icy hand reached out and grabbed my neck, it pinned me up against the fencing, threatening to push me over the edge. I could hear the cold silky laugh of the trickster. His grip on my neck tightened, his eyes flashing with rage and amusement. Somehow the fencing behind me began to break, the trickster smiled in delight before pushing me violently over the edge. Falling. I was falling, but all I could see was Loki, getting smaller and smaller yet I could still see the smirk on his face. The distressed cries of injured victims echoed around me as I fell into the destruction, into the fires.

My body jolted up, I looked around my room, the sunlight poured through my windows. There was a quiet knocking coming from my door, it must have been what had woken me up.

“Nat? Are you OK?” Clint’s voice was soft and reassuring, “Tash?”

I moved sleepily towards my door, my eyes were still adjusting to the brightness. From the light outside I could tell I had missed breakfast, it looked to be about midday or so. I swung the door open to see Clint staring back at me. He breathed a sigh of relief.

“You didn’t think I was dead did you?” I smiled, Clint chuckled a under his breath.

“Shut up, Nat. I was a little worried though, I mean it is two in the afternoon.” I grabbed Clint’s wrist to take a look at his watch, sure enough, 2:26 pm.

“Holy crap.”

“I know. What were you doing last night?” Clint’s voice was laced with concern.

“I was… Nothing, I mean, I woke up at some point but I just read and went back to bed.” It was getting harder for me to lie to him, every concerned look felt like a dagger to my heart.

“You read your book?”

“Yeah, why?”

Clint held up my book ‘The Old Man and the Sea’ the one that Loki had used to bargain with. “I found this outside your door just now, you’re telling me that you read it and then placed it outside your room before going back to sleep?”

I looked at the book, lost.

_‘Is that why Loki paused outside my room earlier?’_

“Nat, what did you do? I’m not mad, I have no right to be, but whatever it was it seems to have worked, you look better.” I was relieved to hear Clint’s voice as friendly and not scolding.

“I went for a walk, just around the park down the road,” Clint smiled back at me. He was just pleased to see I had actually slept. Clint handed me my book, and I placed it back on my shelf and put on my dressing gown.

“Lunch? Or breakfast in your case, you want to go out for some food?” Clint suggested.

“I think I’ll just eat here, I want to do some work in the gym later on.”

We walked down to the kitchen together, as we passed the mirror in the hallway I took a look to see if there was an improvement like Clint had said. My skin was still pale, but the greyish bags under my eyes were faint and I looked altogether more alert and healthy.

* * *

As we walked into the kitchen we were greeted by Bruce and Thor who were preparing lunch, well Bruce was doing most of the work and Thor was trying his best not to get in the way. Tony and Steve hovered around the sides of the kitchen waiting to be served. Loki sat at the table by himself. He was wearing a dark blue shirt that was slightly unbuttoned at the neck and black pants. His eyes fixed on a mug in front of him, avoiding eye contact with anyone.

“The beast awakens!” Tony exclaimed as he saw me enter, I gave him a wry smile and leaned against a counter. “What time do you call this Nat?”

“Shut up Stark.” I laughed.

Bruce served up soup, Loki ignored Bruce’s offer of lunch and remained seated rigidly at the table. Feeling too awkward to sit at the table as well, the rest of us stood leaning on the counters to eat.

“Anyone heard anything from S.H.I.E.L.D?” Steve asked the group curiously, “I keep wondering when my next assignment might be but it seems they’ve got everything under control.”

“Of course they don’t have everything under control.” Tony murmured, “They need us here to look after a super villain. That’s our assignment.”

The rest of us shifted awkwardly and looked at Thor who was stirring his soup slowly, “My friends, I stick by what I said before, Loki is of little threat to us.” Thor lowered his voice so Loki couldn’t hear him, but obviously he could. Loki glared over at us from the dining room, his hands tightly gripping his coffee mug. “My father stripped him of most of his powers so he can do no damage.”

“Most? You said he was stripped of all of his powers!” Clint raised his voice, obviously not caring if Loki could hear or not.

“My father took away the powers that could help him perform magic, but he had to keep the ones that kept Loki in his Æsir form, otherwise we would be dealing with a very vengeful frost giant.” Thor was stern, his voice still lowered.

“How do we know all of his powers are gone?” Clint was visibly distressed, he hated Loki with every cell in his body and Loki knew it, a smirk playing on his lips was just about visible from where I was standing. Loki noticed me observing at him, his smirk formed back into a glare.

“My father is the all-father, the principle of the Æsir, he knows what he does.” Thor’s voice was louder, more angry.

“Ok let’s tone this down a bit,” Tony interrupted also sensing the rise of tension in the room. “Before one of us grabs his hammer or one of us turns into a big green rage monster.”

Clint glared in Loki’s direction, his hands balled up into fists, “Nat and I didn’t want to be staying here in the first place but now we’ve got to be living here under the same room as a masochistic psychopath?” Thor stiffened up a little, I had never seen him this tense. Clint turned angrily towards Loki, his eyes locked with the tricksters. They held each other’s glares for a moment before Clint left the room crossly.

“Well then…” Tony trailed off awkwardly, “I’m gonna retreat to the lab, thanks for the lunch Bruce, care to join me?” Bruce nodded slightly and they left together. Steve put his bowl by the sink.

“Do you want to go see if Clint’s alright Nat?” Steve asked.

“Honestly, the best thing to do right now is give him some time, I’ll talk to him later when he’s cooled down.” Steve nodded understandingly; he looked at Thor who was still standing with his fists clenched.

 “Hey Thor, you ok?”

“I am fine, but I think I will go to the exercise room and see if anything there can challenge me.” Steve smiled and patted Thor on the back.

“I’ll join you, Nat you do want come with?”

“I think I’ll clean up here a bit.” I looked around at the empty bowls and coffee mugs waiting to be washed, “Maybe in a bit.”

Steve and Thor left for the gym, I collected the bowls and mugs and empty glasses and piled them by the sink. I never usually did the washing up, but I didn’t want to exercise in front of Steve and Thor when I was feeling as weak as I did, and besides, it was the least I could do after my failed attempt before when I broke a plate.

I continued stacking the dishes and running water, oblivious to the god of mischief who watched me from the dining room. It was only until he got up from his chair that I heard him and remembered his presence. I kept my back to him and carried on washing the bowls but I kept my guard up. I could hear his footsteps getting closer. An arm reached beside me and set down an empty coffee mug, he was right behind me.

“It is good to see you know your place Ms Romanoff.” He jeered.

I stiffened at the sense of his cold breath, I wanted to spin around and smash the bowl I was holding over his head, but I knew it would do no damage.

“Go and taunt someone else for a change.” I murmured, I clenched my fingers around the bowl.

“That wouldn’t be quite as much fun.” He laughed. “I admit I was disappointed to see you were absent from breakfast, but I trust you found your book this morning.”

“Was that some sort of apology?”

“An apology for what?”

I could sense him right behind me. he was just close enough for his cold breath to tickle the back of my neck. I begged myself not to shiver, not to show weakness.

I finally turned to look at him, his green eyes stared straight back into mine. I wanted to slap the smirk right off of his face. “You said last night that you wanted me to tell Thor that you’re improving and being civil. Well, you’re going the wrong way about it.” Loki scowled, and he moved back a couple of steps.

“Is that your attempt of a threat?”

“More of an observation.” I remained stoic. That was how I worked. I would never show weakness to an opponent. I had to stay detached.

“I told you if you informed Thor of my good behaviour then the rest of your little friends would stay safe, and now you know I still have some powers, you should take my offer very seriously.” Loki’s smirk grew into a dark grin.

“You think I’m afraid of you?”

“If you were wise, you would be.”

“We’ve beaten you before, when you had a whole army on your side and you still had all of your powers, what makes you think you stand a fraction of a chance now?” Loki glared back at me coldly in response. “Your mood swings are really tiring you know that? Why do you do it?”

Loki hesitated, his eyes still fixed on mine. “Do what?”

“Act like a sad little child one night and then threaten to kill me then next?” Loki stiffened as I recalled the night I saw him in front of the window. “You can’t hide from your emotions forever, trust me I know.”

Loki took a step closer, studying me. “What torture is this?” His eyes moved over my face, trying to discover some sort of emotion. “Did S.H.I.E.L.D ask you to do this?”

“To do what?” I was confused, his close proximity was disturbing, and I wanted to move away from his gaze.

“To study me, to discover a weakness, like some sort of… experiment.” Loki was bitter in his words. “To use your information against me.”

“I have better things to do.” I laughed, Loki was getting closer and I grew more uncomfortable.

“I’m sure you do.” He said mockingly. I could feel his cold breath on my cheeks, he smelled of expensive cologne and the mint from his toothpaste. Loki’s arm still rested where he had placed his coffee mug, blocking my only escape.

I pushed past his arm, he held firm at first but as I pushed harder he finally gave in. I had to get out of there. “You can finish the washing up if you want, maybe Thor will see it as a sign of you being “civil.” That would be in your best interest seeing as I’m not saying shit to him on your behalf.” I left the room hearing Loki chuckle darkly behind me. I shuddered at the memory of how close he was, his eyes, his breath.

_‘Creep’_

* * *

 

I dressed into my work out clothes and marched down to the gym, Clint, Steve and Thor were already there. Thor was lifting weights in the corner with ease, Clint and Steve were deep in discussion, Steve was probably comforting Clint about earlier, but I didn't pay much attention. I was too wound up.

I moved towards the punching bags, they were my favourite piece of equipment for when I needed to blow off some steam.

I imagined the bag to be Loki’s smug little face, one punch for when he ambushed me and pinned me to the wall, one punch for threatening Clint, two punches for Phil, one punch for being the reason I couldn’t sleep. Five punches for getting in my head. Then it was my face on the bag, for letting Loki get in my head, for thinking he deserved a second chance, for taking him to the fucking Empire State Building for Christ’s sake!

I punched the bag ferociously, sweat dripped from my forehead and into my eyes, but I didn’t stop. The bag swung violently with every hit, and I could feel everyone’s gaze on me. I punched the bag for another fifteen minutes until my arms were sore, then I moved onto the treadmill, running with my eyes fixed on the wall. I detached myself from my surroundings, focusing on nothing but running. I finished when my legs began to ache and stretched out my muscles before leaving the gym without a word. They knew I wasn’t up for talking, they could tell by the ferocity of my encounter with the punching bag, so they avoided eye contact as I left. I was pleased that they did, I was most certainly not in the mood for conversation.

I went back to the kitchen for a glass of water, as expected the dishes were still piled up next to the sink. I splashed some water over my face and finished of the rest of the washing up before heading back to my room for a shower. The water was burning hot, but I didn’t bother to turn it down that much, I liked the heat. I stood in the shower with the water flowing heavily on my aching body. My arms would twinge with muscle pain whenever I reached for a bottle of shampoo or conditioner, my legs felt weaker the longer I would stand. As I climbed out of the shower I paused in front of the clouded up mirror, and wiped away some of the steam. I looked at my reflection, my complexion was pink from the heat, but I looked better, not perfect or back to normal, but better.

I walked into my bedroom and looked at the clock beside my bed. 4:57 pm. As I dressed I thought about what I was going to do for the rest of the day, I didn’t feel like hanging around with the guys, Clint would just moan about the whole living situation, the rest of them would just stare at me sympathetically and the thought of even being near Loki made me shiver. I didn’t really have friends, and Clint was the only one. I sat alone in my room for a moment, thinking of my options. I didn’t want another day to go by that I had spent eating working out and reading. I picked up my phone and did something I never thought I’d do. I called Pepper.

Pepper and I had a rocky relationship, she first new me as Natalie Rushman when I was under cover for S.H.I.E.L.D and had to observe Tony in order to see if he was eligible for the Avengers Initiative. In order to do that I had to double as a ditzy and flirty assistant to Tony which quickly got me on Peppers bad side. But she was really one of the only female acquaintances I had, and I was in need of a break from the rest of the guys.

Pepper sounded surprised that I had called her. I didn’t blame her. I kicked myself inwardly for being so awkward.

“I was just wondering if you were free for dinner later.”

“Are the guys really being that annoying?”

“I’m pretty sure Tony wants to order pizza again.” Pepper laughed at my response.

“Yeah I know how that is, but sure I can do dinner. What time were you thinking?”

We arranged dinner for eight thirty and Pepper offered to have Jarvis make the reservations. I was pleased to be doing something different and not just ending the day by reading and eating pizza again. I dried my hair and dressed into something a little more flattering than a pair of old jeans and a sweater, I changed into a dark green belted dress and some black sling back heels, it had been a while since I had dressed this formally, usually I would do so on a case when I had to work undercover. By the time I was ready and had put on some makeup it was twenty to eight. I made my way to the sitting room to wait for my town car to pick me up.

The whole household (excluding Loki) was in the sitting room watching a football game, Bruce looked slightly less interested than the rest of them and kept glancing at his watch, Thor looked confused at the rules of the game but remained intrigued. As I walked in my attire prompted the turning of heads and perplexed glances. Tony wolf-whistled and grinned at me.

“Looking good Romanoff!” He smirked, “Where are you off to?”

“Dinner,” They looked at me expectantly. “Dinner with Pepper.”

“Pepper?” Tony looked genuinely confused. “You and Pepper are going for a girls night?”

“We’re going for dinner, just dinner, no karaoke bars Stark.”

“Damn, I was hoping you’d send me pictures.” Tony teased and he threw his head back in mocking disappointment.

My cab arrived at eight and I left for the restaurant, I was surprised to feel so excited for this dinner with Pepper. The rush of timekeeping and composing myself for a genuine night out made me feel like a normal human being. No hidden agenda, no secret identity, and no orders from S.H.I.E.L.D. I didn’t often get the chance to go out and actually have fun.

* * *

 

The streets of Manhattan were warm and buzzing with the noises of car horns and the chattering of passers by. I met Pepper outside the restaurant. She smiled and greeted me by leaning in and kissing me on the cheek and we proceeded into the establishment. The interiors were lavish and elegant. As we waited for our table we sat by the bar for a drink.

“How’s the atmosphere at ‘The Avengers Mansion’?” Pepper asked as she took a sip of her cocktail.

“Stressful.” I laughed, “But what would you expect from a group of people who have almost nothing in common?”

“I bet it is, but Tony seems to be enjoying himself.”

“I would have thought Tony would be staying in Stark Tower with you.”

“Well I’m working a lot in Los Angeles lately, he likes the company at the mansion, especially with Dr Banner with whom he _loves_ to talk science.”

“I know. It’s all they can talk about.” Pepper and I laughed together and took another sip of our drinks.

“So tell me, what is the God of Mischief like to live with?” Pepper asked curiously, she wanted to know the gossip regarding Loki, but I couldn’t tell her about our midnight trip into the centre of Manhattan or his threats to kill me and the rest of the Avengers.

“I don’t see much of him,” I lied, “And when I do he’s usually with Thor or avoiding conversation, which is absolutely fine by me.”

“I mean, I just don’t understand what S.H.I.E.L.D is thinking, why bring him back to the scene of the crime? I could rest easy knowing he was locked up in Asgard or wherever but now? What’s stopping him from killing you where you sleep?” A few heads perked up at Peppers last question, she ducked her head down embarrassed to have been so loud. She lowered he voice, “That’s why I’m working in L.A. these days, I only came down to New York for a conference and I’m off again tomorrow. Tony wanted me to get out of the city in case Loki tried anything again.”

“I’m sure he won’t, but it’s probably a good idea to keep your distance. At least you don’t have to sleep down the hall from him.”

“Anyway, lets not talk about that anymore,” Pepper smiled changing the subject. We ordered more drinks and were shown to our table. We ordered our dinner and Pepper told me of the work she was doing in L.A. and how much Happy had been helping her. We made it through all three courses without any awkward silences or bringing up Loki. We were completely relaxed and enjoying the evening, not one part of me regretted calling Pepper, in fact I was elated with the social interaction I was having with a woman, instead of one of the guys who I would see everyday, every morning and night. I was on a natural high, or maybe that was the wine. We made it through quite a few bottles to the point where almost everything we said was laughable. I hadn’t let myself relax this much in years.

We split the bill and left the restaurant at around twenty to eleven, and waited outside for our cars.

“Thank you so much for tonight Natasha, it was lovely to see you again.” Pepper reached in for a hug and stumbled a bit.

“No problem, it was good to get away from the guys for a night.”

“ I bet it was.” Pepper laughed tipsily, “Well, I’ll definitely call you next time I’m in town, we should do this again.” Pepper waved before getting into her car, and I got into mine. A huge smile was plastered on my face, I couldn’t remember the last time I had had a night where I could just let go. I only ever acted tipsy when undercover if necessary, or I would have a glass of wine in the evenings with the rest of the guys.

* * *

 

The car pulled up by the mansion at eleven fifteen, I walked up the gravel pathway and took out my keys. It took me a while to find the doors locks in the dark. When I finally got the door open I took off my shoes and shut the door behind me. The warmth of the house was welcoming and I took off my coat and hung it in the cupboard to the left of the entrance. The wine had numbed my senses, and I made my way to the kitchen without listening for anyone else’s presence, but from what I could tell the rest of the guys had gone to bed, as the house was quiet and restful. However I couldn’t vouch for Loki’s whereabouts.

I snuck into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water, I wasn’t tired enough to sleep so I then made my way to the sitting room. I looked over the bookcase for something to read, I don’t really know why I did, I knew I wouldn’t remember the book in the morning. With my back turned to the rest of the room, I didn’t notice Loki lurking in the shadows of the corner of the room.

“I was disappointed to see you were absent from dinner.” His icy voice made me jump, and I span around to face him.

“What do you want now?” I asked, I was tired of his games and I didn’t want to end the night on a bad note.

“I wanted to spend some time alone with my thoughts, but now I can see that isn’t going to happen.” He stared back at me coldly. His eyes looked me up and down, noticing my dress. “Where have you been?”

“Is it any of your business?” I replied.

“No.”

I hesitated, but he continued to stare back at me, his eyebrows raised. “I went out to dinner with a friend.”

I sat down on the couch, and placed my glass of water on the coffee table. Loki looked surprised to see I was staying, he had probably expected me to leave and go to bed.

“Why do you stay in my presence Ms Romanoff?”

“Do you want me to leave?” I asked as I relaxed into the couch, I returned his stare, and he shifted slightly in his seat.

“That is entirely up to you, however, admittedly I do enjoy our discussions at the late ours of the night.” Loki smirked.

“I wouldn’t have thought so, especially after last night.” Loki’s jaw tightened at the memory.

“I suppose you want me to apologise for the evenings turn of events?” He raise an eyebrow, “Very well, I am sorry for being ungrateful, you were most kind for what you did.”

“You’re a talented liar.”

“You think me deceitful?” he smiled, “Well I can assure you that my apology is genuine, despite what you may think, do you forgive me?”

“What difference would it make if I did?”

“I should like to know if we can be civil, it seems we share the halls at night and I we are to happen upon each other so regularly we should be free of any maliciousness towards each other.” Loki seemed truthful in his explanation but I remained weary of his agenda.

“Does this mean you will retract your threats to murder my friends?”

“I suppose so, yes. I understand now that perhaps making said threats was counteractive to what I really wanted and that was civility.” He leaned forward in the armchair, his hands held together on his lap. “I do not wish to be here any more than you want me to be.”

“Apology accepted.” I wished I were in a better state of mind to make this decision.

We sat in silence for a moment, I thought about going to bed but I still didn’t feel tired enough, I knew that if I did I would be lying in my bed with nothing to do.

I remembered how going out the previous night had helped me sleep, and even Clint had recommended it. A walk around the park didn’t seem like such a bad idea. I put on my shoes and got up to get my coat, Loki looked up at my sudden movement. I could tell he was wondering where I was going.

“I’m going for a walk,” I announced, “You can come with me if you want, but if you act like you did last night then you can forget about any civility crap.”

“You said last night that you would never do such a thing again, why have you changed your mind?” Loki looked inquisitive, his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Getting you out of this place seemed to do you some good, before you noticed the damage you had left to the city. Maybe just going for a walk and fresh air will help.” I really wasn’t in the right state of mind, in any other instance I would have gone straight to bed and left Loki by himself.

“I trust you will take a weapon of some sort with you this time.”

“Do you want to go or not?” I asked impatiently, Loki smirked.

“I would very much like to.” He said, amusedly.

* * *

 

Loki and I grabbed our coats, I wasn’t phased by what I was doing, but part of me knew I was going to regret it in the morning. We stepped out onto the porch, the midnight air was warm, and the sound of sirens and car horns could be heard in the distance.

The guards by the fence looked at me suspiciously again, I slipped one of them a knowing glance that told them I knew what I was doing. We stepped out into the pavement and headed for the park, we walked in silence as Loki took in his surroundings.

“Do you often go for walks so late at night?” Loki asked, breaking the silence.

“Only lately, I’m usually busy on a case or something.” I murmured, I wondered why Loki took an interest in such things.

“In Asgard I used to sneak out of the palace and walk around the grounds to think, but I haven’t done so in a while.” Loki trailed off, his face hardened at the memory. He obviously hadn’t allowed out of the palace during his prison sentence.

“What are the grounds like?” I asked, trying to break Loki away from bad memories.

“They are truly magnificent, they go on for miles and yet every inch of them is perfectly tended to. There are statues made from pure gold, and some of the most beautiful flowers in creation.” His voice was soft and his eyes gleamed with fond recollection.

“There are flowers in Asgard?”

“Well, of course. Except their variety is different from yours, in my chambers in the palace you can see the grounds for miles and you can see every flower, every tree. It is a sight that never gets tiring.”

“So I guess earth seems a little mediocre in comparison?”

Loki hesitated, “There is not quite as much vibrancy from what I have seen, but it still holds much beauty.”

“Who knew you had such a passion for gardening.” I laughed. We turned the corner and reached the gates to the park. Loki frowned at my response.

“I have a passion for beauty.” He responded quietly.

We walked through the park in silence, the fresh air began to sober me up and I was more aware of what I was doing. We sat at a bench that overlooked a large pond. Loki gazed over the waters. He paused for a moment in thought, his features softened and he relaxed into the park bench. He no longer looked like the villainous and cunning silvertongue he liked to come across as, instead his face was reminiscent of when I saw his reflection in the window.

“Thank you for bringing me here Ms Romanoff, I understand that after last night and everything I have done, this must have been difficult for you to do. But I am truly grateful.” He held his gaze over the pond, his face was serious and he seemed genuine.

“No problem,” I smiled, we sat across from the pond for a couple of minutes, and I looked at my watch. 0:45. “Maybe we should head back now.” I yawned.

We got up to leave and Loki took one last glimpse at the park before turning to follow me. We fell into silence again, Loki walked beside me awkwardly. I liked this newfound civility between us; Loki was good company when he wanted to be. We made it back to the house by five minutes to one, I opened the door for Loki and he nodded to say thank you. There was something awkward about him though, he no longer walked with grace and elegance instead he entered the house stiffly and visibly uncomfortable. We walked up the stairs and down the corridor to pause outside my door.

“Thank you once again Ms Romanoff.” He smiled, a genuine smile and gazed down at me.

“It was nothing, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, or later today actually.” I laughed. “Goodnight.” I turned to open my door, but a cold had reached out and grabbed my arm pulling me back. Loki pulled me in closer to him, his eyes studying mine before he pressed his cold lips against mine.

I was too shocked to do anything, my mind was still slightly dazed from the wine, I moved my hands to push him away but instead they moved to his neck as if they had a mind of their own, they grasped onto him, pulling him closer. Loki’s hands moved from my wrists and up my back slowly before caressing my cheeks. Part of me wanted to pull away but another willed him to hold me closer. His lips pressing softly against mine over and over until I could bear it no longer. My hands explored his tousled black hair as I kissed him back, his soft lips trailing down to my neck. He moved his hands from my face and down to my waist where he pulled me in. His mouth found its way back to mine, kissing me passionately once again. Finally he pulled away, but stayed close and rested his forehead on mine, I could feel his ragged cold breath on my face.

“Goodnight Ms Romanoff.” He whispered breathlessly before moving away slowly and walking down the corridor to his room. I watched as he closed his door behind him, I was in pure disbelief. I touched my lips with my fingers lightly where his lips had been not moments ago. I stood in shock for another minute, my mind was abuzz with what had just happened, and I could hardly function. But one thought echoed through my mind.

_‘What the fuck just happened?’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually quite pleased with this chapter, but really I'm just happy to have posted it. I was having a bit of trouble with Microsoft Word so I had to use some shitty version of it on Outlook, so please ignore any spelling mistakes. I have proof read it quite a bit so there shouldn't be any but if there are then please tell me so I can correct them. Enjoy! x


	7. Intrigue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha is left dazed after her last encounter with the trickster. Her heightened anxiety only causes the atmosphere in the house to worsen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written a short section in third person, just to get an idea of how Loki is feeling, due to popular demand.
> 
> I was going to write it in first person for him but let me tell you, Loki is a hard nut to crack.
> 
> Anyway, I really enjoyed writing this chapter, hopefully you enjoy reading it! x

Loki paced his room, his mind replaying what had just happened. He had given in to his emotions, the things he had tried so very hard to keep at bay, but there was something about this woman, this 'Black Widow'.

In truth, she had been on his mind for some time. Few could impress the trickster, and far fewer were Midgardians. This woman had beaten him at his own game, foiled his plans to rule Midgard and worked her way into his thoughts. She was clever, yes, she was cleverer than most Midgardians he had encountered and was probably the only member of the Avengers he could truly admire. He hated himself for letting her get to him, for letting her take over his dreams, his every thought. It was torture, worse than having his magic disabled, worse than his prison sentence on Asgard, because there was no knowing when this captivation in her would end.

He had thought about her since their first encounter, when she had manipulated him to tell her his plans to use Banner to get him out of his glass cage. Thoughts of her began to creep up on him, ever so slowly during his time spent in a cell on Asgard, until he saw her the day of his arrival. Her hair, red as fire, was messily cascading over her shoulders, her green eyes widening at the sight of him. In that moment every thought, every feeling that he had worked so hard at pushing to the back of his mind came rushing back to him. He had always prided himself on being able to detach himself from emotion, being able to keep a cold and hard exterior, but she could rip those walls, that he had worked so hard to build, right down with just one glance with those bright green eyes.

Loki recalled how she had given in to his kiss, how her hands had stroked up his neck and through his hair, how she had felt so warm in his embrace.  He thought back to how natural it had felt, the closeness, how her lips had worked with his, her hands running up his neck.

_'Damn'_

Loki clenched his fists, he refrained himself from smashing one through the wall beside him, he knew all too well that his strength would do more damage than he wished, and he didn't want to risk another tedious lecture from Thor.

He hated her. He hated how easily she had slipped into his thoughts. He hated how she had happened across him when he was weakest and he hated how she dangled it over his head as some sort of ammunition, but she amazed him. She was cunning and a nimble talker much like himself and that was intriguing for him. He hated himself for giving in to temptation, for allowing his cold exterior to falter in front of her. She had tortured him with their past encounters, her large green eyes studying him slowly every time. It was truly agonizing to be under her gaze.

He couldn’t admit to himself that he wanted her. He couldn’t, not after he had taunted Thor over his devotion to his Jane Foster. He had thought Thor even more of a simpleton than he already did, for giving in to a mortal, the weaker and inane species. Perhaps this was his punishment. Loki sat on his bed, he ran his hands through his hair, trying to change the subjects of his thoughts to a different matter, but nothing could satisfy his interests the way she could. He couldn't understand her, she always remained so aloof in his presence, even when she showed him compassion she was on her guard, but the way she had crumbled when he pulled her closer and hadn't resisted his touch was surely a sign that she returned his affections towards her?

Loki threw his body onto his bed exhaustedly. He knew that in the morning he would look back on their kiss with disdain, but for now he would revel in the pleasure it bought him, for that was something he could not deny. Being as close as he had been to her had given him such a thrill, he could regret giving into his emotions as much as he wanted but he could not deny himself the memory of her touch.

* * *

I was relieved to see that Loki was absent from breakfast the next morning. I had held my breath upon entering the kitchen out of fear of seeing his devilish smirk and green eyes glaring at me from the dining room table, but instead Bruce, Steve and Clint greeted me. Tony was AWOL, taking Pepper to the airport to say goodbye. In fact, Loki was absent for a good portion of the day, only appearing briefly to go with Thor to visit the injured as part of his punishment. I was in the gym when I noticed him walk past. He wore another black suit and dark green patterned tie. He moved swiftly past the gym so not to be seen, he was tense as he avoided any eye contact. I was almost disappointed, without a proper look at him I couldn't fully understand what was going on in his head. I couldn't fully understand what was going on in my own head if I was truly honest.

When Loki had left after the 'incident' I had stood there in the corridor for a good amount of time, frozen from pure shock and confusion. After I regained my equanimity I entered my room and slowly prepared for bed. My mind had been nothing but the memories of Loki's grasp, his embrace. I managed to shove it to the back of my mind and think of other things, such as my meeting with Pepper or how my muscles ached from my workout in the gym earlier. But he was still there, in the back of my mind, and every now and again my thoughts would slip into the memories of his hands moving up my back towards my face. I couldn't understand it, had he done it just to throw me off? Why had I returned the kiss? Was it just one of Loki's tricks or was it the wine?

I stood in the gym watching him pass by, as did Clint and Tony. After he was out of sight the two of them returned to what they were doing. "How was girls night?" Tony asked as he turned his gaze away from where Loki had passed by and towards me. "Pepper said you had a lot of fun." Tony grinned cheekily, obviously thinking dirty thoughts.

"It wasn't 'girls night' Stark, we just went for dinner and some drinks."

" _Some_ drinks? Pepper told me about how tipsy you girls got." Tony teased. Clint raised an eyebrow at me out of surprise, he knew I never drunk that much.

"Is it a bad thing that I wanted to let go a little?"

"No! By all means, let go. Maybe invite me next time." Tony laughed as he moved towards the weights.

"Shut it Stark." I couldn't help smiling a little. Tony’s flirting was only ever amusing for me.

"Well for someone who's hung-over, you certainly look better than usual. Did you get a goodnights sleep?" Clint asked, he sounded like a persistent parent who always wants to know if their child has done their homework or not.

"Clint, can we go one day without bringing up my health, please?" I rolled my eyes and turned to work on the leg press machine. Clint raised his hands up defensively.

"OK, sorry for caring, I guess." his sarcasm made my blood boil. I paused and sat up on the workout machine to glare up at him.

"We're all dealing with what happened five months ago differently. I know that this situation with Loki or with my sleeping problem is concerning for you, but just back off please! Stop making me out to be the weakest one here, stop making me feel like an invalided child, please!" I couldn't help but raise my voice to him, all the anger I had kept towards him bubbled to the surface. Tony turned from his exercise equipment in surprise. "I can take care of myself, you know that. I don’t need you or some doctor to tell me what to do. OK?" I kept my glare towards Clint, and he stiffened from my words, but then relaxed a little in contemplation.

"You did go to the doctor didn't you Nat?" He asked calmly, I could tell he was trying to keep his emotions under control.

"Does it matter?" I got up from the leg press machine and walked toward the door, I couldn’t be bothered to have this conversation with him, but Clint wasn't letting me get away that easily. He grabbed my wrist firmly and pulled me back, instinctively I twisted his arm backwards and held it there with ease, and Clint writhed in pain and let go. I turned back to the door, trying to get out before I hit Clint for being such a dick.

"Did you go to the doctor?" He demanded, his voice was raised and full of anger and pain.

I turned to look at him, and I couldn’t help but smirk at his pain. I loved Clint like a brother, but when he acted like he was doing then I couldn’t help but take pleasure in distress. "No." I said it so coldly that I made myself shiver. I could see the disappointment in Clint’s eyes, my stomach tightened at the sight of it. Tony just hung his head and shook it softly. I stormed out of the room without another word, I was pissed and I just wanted to be alone.

There was too much going on in my head, thoughts of Clint's disappointment mixed with the sight of Loki as he passed by earlier in attempt to not be seen. I paced my room, my fists clenched at my sides. I wanted to scream, I wanted to hit something. I hated it in the mansion, it wasn't a 'safe haven' it was more like a prison, and my room was just another cell.

* * *

I sat in my room for a few hours occasionally getting up to pace up and down, only to sit back down again. My anger wasn't settling as easily as I had hoped or expected. After a while I couldn't bear to be cooped up in my room any longer, I put on some shoes and marched down the corridor and the staircase to the entrance hall and straight out the door, forgetting my coat. It was cold outside, and I instantly regretted not bringing it, but I couldn’t go back for it. A town car pulled up in the driveway, Thor climbed out with a look of confusion on his face.

"Lady Natasha? Where are you going?" Loki climbed out after him, and the sound of my name forced him to tighten his jaw.

"Out." I didn't want to make idle conversation. I just wanted to be alone. I strode towards the gate, ignoring Thor's questioning looks. Another 'Lady Natasha' would be enough to set me off again. I was in no mood to correct him.

The gates closed behind me and I felt a sense of relief to be free of the 'Avengers Mansion.’

_‘What a stupid name.’_

I wondered around the streets alone, I thought about going to the park to walk but I knew I would be confronted by recollections of the night before, and the whole point of getting out of the house and away from everyone was to avoid the such things. I needed to clear my head. The sun began to set and by which time I knew to return to the Mansion. I planned on quickly making myself some dinner and eating it in my room in order to avoid the rest of the housemates.

My walk had done me some good, I felt less agitated but by no means was I ready to talk to Clint. We were like brother and sister. Sometimes we were inseparable, and sometimes we hated each other’s guts. He was the only one who could truly understand me, the only one who knew of my destructive past, well, besides Loki. Sometimes we could go for days without speaking, our fault was that we cared too much about each other, and that was the situation we were in then. I knew Clint was only trying to help, but I couldn’t bear to be the weak one, I hated the way he looked over me as if I was a child. I knew it was partially my fault for getting so agitated by his concern, but I wasn’t ready to admit that.

* * *

I entered the house quietly, so not to catch the attention of my housemates. I could hear them conversing in the sitting room, I listened to hear if I was the subject of their talk, but it seemed they were concerned over what to watch on the widescreen. I knew they would notice me if I tried to creep past the sitting room, so I walked past without a glance in their direction, I just wanted to make my dinner and go. I could tell they had noticed me as their conversation paused as I walked past and I could feel their gaze follow me.

Bruce was in the kitchen preparing dinner, and I guess if I had to bump into anyone, he wasn't so bad. He smiled at me as I entered.

"Hey." he said softly, he knew I wasn't in a good mood and thankfully didn't try to pull me into any conversations. I smiled back at him, Bruce was so gentle natured, I liked his company, mainly because he never tried to force a conversation and he of all people knew what it's like to want to avoid further anger.

"I heard that you weren't feeling too happy today," Bruce murmured, I gave him a knowing look to which he responded with a chuckle. "I just wanted to say, I thought you might be a bit apprehensive towards dinner with everyone tonight, so I made you a little something for you to eat by yourself. I didn't know if you were going to be back for dinner or if you were just going to sit in your room, but I thought you should eat something. It's in the fridge, you just need to heat it up in the microwave."

I reached to kiss Bruce of the cheek as a thank you and I squeezed his shoulder. "You really didn't have to, Bruce."

"I know, but I wanted to. I know you're having a hard time lately and I get that you think Clint is being a bit pushy, and I thought it would be good to avoid any awkward moments around the dinner table, especially as Thor has informed me that Loki will be joining us this evening. I almost feel jealous that you get to eat in your room." Bruce laughed as he chopped some vegetables on the counter top.

I put the pre-made dish in the microwave and waited for it to heat up, it was definitely a good thing that I was eating by myself, I didn't want to encounter Loki, especially with the rest of the house to witness it. I served up my meal that Bruce had prepared, it smelled delicious, and I continued up to my room to eat.

"He cares about you." Bruce called after me, and I turned to face him. "More than anyone else here, he cares for you Natasha. Don't stay mad at him for too long." Bruce turned back to his cooking and I turned back to make my way to my room. I knew Clint cared, that was the problem, he coddled me, and he treated me as if I were his child, not his equal.

As I passed by the sitting room I allowed myself a quick glance, most of the guys were immersed in the football game on the widescreen but Clint looked up at me as I passed by, he looked hurt and part of me wanted to comfort him and tell him I was sorry, but I remained cold and indifferent. I turned my gaze away catching on Loki who glared back at me from the armchair where he regularly sat, he kept my gaze until I had passed by completely and was out of sight.

 I ate in my room alone, I wasn't bothered, I much preferred the solitude than being stuck around a table being forced into conversations I didn’t want to have. After I had finished the meal Bruce had kindly made for me, I ran a bath. I hadn't taken the time to have one in a while, it was one of the upsides of being stuck in the mansion, when I would be on a job for S.H.I.E.L.D I would only just have enough time for a quick shower to wash off any dirt or blood. I relaxed into the warm soapy water, and I couldn’t help but release a quiet sigh as I did so. The heat of the water felt amazing against my skin. I lay in the bath for a while, I managed to push all negative thoughts aside and I closed my eyes and focused on the breathing exercises Bruce had taught me.

* * *

I looked over the pond, the water was still, and the birds that once gathered around it were nowhere to be seen. A noise was heard to my left, it sounded like a crackle of ice. As I looked closer the pond began to freeze over, the air around me began to chill until my breath was visible as steam. I stood up from the park bench and surveyed the area. A cold hand took my wrist and spun me around until I was face to face with the god of lies. Loki smiled down at me with a dark smirk, his green eyes wide with amusement. His hand trailed up my arm ever so slowly and lightly, my hairs rose on one end at the chilling touch. I couldn’t move, I was frozen, like the pond. His hand move further up to my neck where he gripped it tightly, choking the air out of me before pressing his lips firmly against mine, I urged my body to thaw out so that I could slap him or push him away but my resistance was futile.

"You're mine,” He whispered in my ear, his grip around my neck still firm and painful. I could hear him laughing, but as I began to move again he was gone and his laughing nothing but a whisper in the wind.

I jolted upright, splashing water everywhere. My bath had grown cold as I slept. I climbed out, shivering a little as I reached for a towel. I emptied the bath and dressed into some sweatpants and a plain top, I looked at the clock by my bedside. 2:02 AM. I had been sleeping for about four hours in the bath, and I probably could have slept for longer if it were in a bed. After an hour or so of failed attempts to get back to sleep I decided to go downstairs, I wanted to bump into Loki, to ask him what was wrong with him, was the kiss just part of a game? It couldn't be anything more. Could it?

I crept down the stairs as I did every night. My guard was up in case Loki was planning another ambush. I searched the sitting room and the kitchen, but Loki was nowhere to be found. His usual spot in the armchair was surprisingly empty. He had been avoiding me all day.

_‘Is he embarrassed?’_

I knew he would be awake, like he was every night. He was hiding away in his room, avoiding me. I wasn't going to let it be that easy for him. I had to talk to him, to just get an idea of what he could be thinking.

_'Does he expect me to ignore it? To carry on as if nothing had happened? The son of a bitch kissed me, it must have been some kind of ploy to throw me off my guard or something like that.'_

I found Loki's door at the end of the corridor, it was a good distance away from the other rooms, which was relieving to see, as I didn't want to wake up the rest of the household by knocking on his door. I hesitated before actually doing so, a thin glimmer of light through the crack in the doorway was enough to tell me he was awake, as I had anticipated. I knocked twice and waited. My heart pounded, idea's that I was falling into some kind of trap flew around my mind. I could hear distant footsteps walking towards the door and I held my breath. Loki paused on the other side. I heard the door handle rattle slightly as he placed his hand to open the door. There was another hesitation on the other side. He knew it was me, who else would have been up at half three in the morning? Finally the door began to open, slowly. Loki appeared in the doorway, his clothes were basic, a deep green t-shirt and some sweatpants, obviously given to him by S.H.I.E.L.D, he didn't seem like the type to wear such things.

"Ms Romanoff, what do you want?" He was cold in his greeting; all evidence of previous civility was removed.

"Don't play that game with me Loki." I pushed past him into his room. It was surprisingly small, far smaller than mine. The walls were bare, only an ugly clock hung ticking loudly, his room had only one window on the far side of his room. _This_ was a prison cell.

"Well do come in.,” he mocked. "What game is this you speak of?"

"You know." I crossed my arms, I didn't let on about how fast my heart was pounding, I was in his room, he stood by the only exit, anyone would be anxious.

Loki tightened his jaw and looked down to the floor in thought. He paused for a moment before speaking. "I take it you have shared last nights events with the rest of the house?"

"No." Loki looked confused, despite his best efforts to hide it.

"Why?"

"They wouldn't quite understand, I don’t understand at all. That's why I'm here, what's your angle?"

"My angle?"

"Why did you kiss me?" Loki tensed up at the memory. "What made you think that was welcome?"

"I don't recall you resisting me." He smirked, but this time his smirk held less hatred or anger as it usually did.

"I was in shock."

"Has that ever stopped you before?" He took a step towards me, but not standing too close. "I hear you quite hurt Barton's arm as a result of self defence this afternoon. Were you in shock then?"

I remained imperturbable to his questions. With my arms still folded I glared back at him.

"Why did you kiss me?" I repeated.

"Does it bother you that much? Are you so taken aback that you even felt the need to barge into my room to ask me?" He was visibly amused by my desire to know, even more so at how agitated I was towards him avoiding my questions.

"You won't tell me? That's fine. Maybe I'll ask the others what they think. How does that sound?"

"Your threats are empty." he laughed, "You do not want them to know any more than I do."

"You don't want them to know either? Why is that, Loki?" I was relentless in my mission to find out what he was up to.

"And that is why you have come? Because the memory of our... intimacy has left you perplexed and disorientated." Loki grinned from ear to ear, taking pleasure in taunting me with his evasion of answering my questions. "Why do you wonder in the dark halls at night when you know you are not alone in doing so?"

"I live here, I have every right to do so."

"No, you do so with a purpose." He took another step closer, his eyes narrowed and locking with mine. "You crave me." His voice was a whisper. He was closer now, his eyes searching mine for a sign of weakness under his gaze, but I didn't falter. I could feel his cool breath on my cheeks, his lips curled into a sly smile.

"You're delirious." I pushed past him and walked to the door.

Loki grabbed my arm and pulled me back, I was reminded of how he did so before he kissed me, how Clint had done so that morning, I twisted his arm back like I had done with Clint. Loki looked down at his arm, he furrowed his brow wondering what I was doing, I twisted further, on anyone else this would have dislocated his or her arm, but Loki smirked at my attempt to stop him. "Impressive Ms Romanoff, but you forget, I am a god."

"Let go of me." I said coolly, his grip weakened but remained. Loki looked down at me, his smirk only growing wider.

"And here I thought we were supposed to be being civil."

"Why did you kiss me before?" I decided to ask him one last time, I needed to know if it was just some act to amuse him during his stay or if it was part of some deeper plan and was a tactic to throw me off.

Loki pulled my arm, bringing me closer to him. This time I tried to push away, my arms pressing against his chest. Loki grasped my face in his cold hands and looked me in the eye, his gaze had softened and he looked at me with intrigue. "This is no game Agent Romanoff, I wish it was." He pressed his lips against mine, slowly running his hands through my hair. I didn't react, I didn't try to push him away, believe me, part of me was demanding that he let me go, but another part of me stopped me from resisting. My hands were balled into fists and remained on his chest where they had tried to push him away, only now they rested there and Loki held me closer. His tongue explored my mouth, slowly and passionately, still I didn't resist. One of Loki's hands slipped down my back and rested on my waist, he pulled my hips closer to his. I let him take control of the situation, in truth, as confusing and bizarre the situation was, it wasn't completely unwelcome. I slowly began to ease into it, my hands smoothed over his chest. Loki pulled away and laughed breathily as I began to relax in his grasp, he hovered his lips over mine, teasing me, waiting for me to give in and kiss him back. Our breathing was ragged and heavy, his hands stroked up my back, but his lips remained only millimetres away from mine, we stood in that position for what felt like an eternity, neither of us giving into temptation. Finally I couldn't endure his teasing any longer, I knew what I wanted, even though every instinct in my body told me not to, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, pressing my lips against his. Loki's kisses were intoxicating, my heat pounded against my chest, and I was certain he could feel it. He pulled his arms around me and kissed me back, clinging to me so tightly but not so much to make me uncomfortable. Together we stumbled into the wall where Loki pressed my back up against it as he continued to kiss me. I ran my hands though his thick hair; the feeling of it between my fingers was pleasurable. Loki moved his kisses down my neck, giving me time to breath. I couldn't help but let out a small moan of pleasure as his cold lips travelled down my neck. I focused my gaze around the room, my mind couldn’t focus on why it was so bright, and then something clicked. Morning. The light from the sunrise began to pour into Loki's room and I was snapped back into reality.

I pushed Loki away from me, at first he didn't comply but I shoved him harder and he stepped back, he looked almost hurt that I had resisted him finally.

"I have to go." I murmured as I pushed past him, he turned and watched me as I rushed to the door.

"Natasha." I froze at the mention of my name; he had never called me by it before. It had always been 'Agent Romanoff' or 'Ms Romanoff.' He whispered it so softly, and somehow it felt safe in his mouth, safer than I did in anyone else’s. It was ironic.

I turned to look at him, his features where soft, his lips pink and swollen slightly and his hair was messy from where I had trailed my hands through it repeatedly. "This needs to stop, I'm not going to be a pawn in one of your games."

"I told you, this is no game. It is as torturous for me as it is for you." his voice was stern, and I believed him.

"Whatever this is, this... infatuation, it needs to stop. You need to leave me alone." I hardened my gaze and turned to leave, I could feel him watching me as I did so, until I closed the door behind me. I paused for a moment outside in the corridor, my hand still grasping the door handle. I exhaled deeply and proceeded to walk back to my room. I was still in disbelief of what had just happened, I was in disbelief that I had taken so long to pull away, but there was something about Loki that intrigued me, something that told me to kiss him back. Loki was the last person on earth that I had expected to do something like that, I didn't know if it was all just part of a game or not, but deep inside I think I wanted it to be real.


	8. Pursuit and Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha cannot escape the memories of the previous night. Is it all just one of Loki's tricks? A game? He know's she is confused by his behaviour, and he wont act as if nothing happened. In one evening, everything can change.

I paced my room for the next few hours. I knew I wouldn't sleep. It was too late to even try. My memories of kissing Loki were a blur, like a dream that I could only just remember. The way his lips had hovered over mine was nothing but an obscure image at the back of my head.

_'Maybe I had been under some kind of enchantment. Would Loki do that though? Would he cast some spell just to get me to kiss him? What would that accomplish?'_

I continued to pace, stopping every so often to glance out the window at the rising sun. I could still feel his lips on my neck, I re-traced where they had been with the tips of my fingers.

_'Could it have been a dream? An enchantment?'_

Loki's voice echoed through my head, "You crave me."

I shook my head as if to shake his words out.

"This is no game Agent Romanoff..."

_'Shut up'_

"I wish it was."

_'Shut up, shut up.'_

"The memory of our... intimacy has left you perplexed and disorientated"

I shook my head harder until it began to ache.

"You crave me."

I marched into my bathroom and over to the sink where I splashed cold water over my face. I changed into a plain white top and some jeans and made my way down to the kitchen. I worked in there for hours, washing up plates, wiping the counters, I needed a distraction and this was the best yet. Bruce and Steve were first to enter the kitchen at eight O'Clock, by then I was halfway through making pancakes and coffee.

"You made breakfast again?" Bruce grinned at the sight of the golden pancakes waiting for them.

"I guess it's my way of saying thank you for dinner, and sorry if I made the houses atmosphere tense."

"All is forgiven." Bruce chuckled as he passed a plate to Steve.

"How's everything with Clint? He seemed a little torn up last night, I think you really hurt his wrist." Steve looked up at me smirking; I was glad that I wasn't the only one who found it amusing.

"I haven't spoken to him since, I think I just want to cool down a bit first, maybe I'll talk to him later today."

"My friends! Good morning!" Thor's voice boomed down the hallway, how someone could be so enthusiastic so early in the morning escaped me, I felt for Jane Foster. I turned to see Thor entering the kitchen accompanied by Loki who avoided my gaze. "And my lady! I was disappointed to see you were absent from dinner, but I am glad to catch you this morning." Thor pulled me in for a firm embrace.

"Good morning, I made breakfast if you're interested." I turned back to the stove to pass Thor a plate.

"Thank you my lady, you are too kind." Thor passed a plate to Loki, "See brother, are you not pleased that I managed to coax you out of your chambers?" Loki grimaced as Thor patted him on the shoulder affectionately.

"Are you two off visit another hospital?" Bruce asked the Asgardian brothers.

"No, in fact, Director Fury has informed us that we have the day to do what we wish, due to the weather." Thor pointed to the window where the heavy rain hit the glass. I hadn't even noticed the rain until then.

"You'd think you guys would be able to change the weather a little." Steve joked as he swallowed his breakfast.

Thor laughed heartily, "Come brother, let us sit at the table to eat." Thor and Loki went to sit at the table, and Bruce and Steve joined them shortly afterwards. I set a pile of pancakes down in front of them and sat down next to Steve.

"What smells so good?" Tony emerged from the entrance followed by Clint.

"Nat made pancakes," Steve announced, "Hurry before Thor finishes them off though." I looked at Thor who was gulping them down almost whole.

"Pace yourself dude," Tony took a seat at the head of the table, leaving Clint to take the seat opposite me.

"How's your arm?" Clint looked surprised that I was talking to him, and he relaxed into his seat and let a slight smile creep over his face.

"Must we always talk about my health?" He mocked. I kicked him playfully under the table. "You're just lucky you didn't dislocate it, there would be hell to pay if you did y'know."

"Sure, well I'd like to see you try with one arm." I laughed. It felt good to have Clint back.

I noticed Loki observing our conversation from the corner of my eye. His face was blank as he watched over us, I frowned and turned to look at him but as soon as I began to tilt my head in his direction he turned his glance back to Thor, avoiding my gaze.

I recalled how assertive he has been earlier that morning,

_'You crave me.'_

Why was he shying away from me? Not that I was particularly hurt over it, it just seemed strange to see so many sides to him. The moment I got used to one side of him he would flip some sort of switch and completely change how he acted. He could be cold and aggressive one moment and charming the next.

"Sound good Tash? Tash?"

I looked up. Clint's voice brought me back into the room.

"What?" I asked, and Clint rolled his eyes at my response.

"I was asking if you wanted to go or a run later on." He chuckled, "That is if you can spare some time from having your head in the clouds."

I kicked him playfully under the table, "Alright, smartass. I'm up for a run, around the park like last time?"

"Sure."

Steve and I cleared most of the plates to the sink and Tony was left with the responsibility of washing up, much to his dismay.

"My lady Natasha," Thor approached by the sink, Loki followed by his side, averting my gaze once more. "Thank you for breakfast, it was certainly a meal to remember." He grinned at me before turning to leave, Loki moved to follow him but paused and turned to me.

"It was simply divine, Ms Romanoff." He smirked slightly and shifted his eyes to see if anyone was watching before letting a sly grin grow across his face. He turned to follow his brother out of the room and I was left just as confused as I had before.

_'This has to be one of his games'_

* * *

Clint and I ran around the park until our legs begged us to stop, and despite being drenched in sweat and rain we decided to return to the café where we had gone the last time. Our faces were blotchy and our hair tangled. We laughed to ourselves at the waitress's clear disgust in our appearance.

"Hey Nat?" Clint looked up from his menu. "I'm sorry for pressing you about the whole sleeping issue, I was just concerned."

"I know, and I'm sorry for almost breaking your arm."

"You didn't almost  _break_  it." He laughed, "You just twisted it a little."

"I little? You looked as if you were going to cry!" I teased.

"Whatever Nat." Clint smiled and looked back at his menu. The waitress returned and we ordered some lunch and a couple of drinks, nothing too heavy, but enough to fill the appetite we had worked up during our run. "Hey, did you notice Loki this morning?"

"No, why?" I didn't want to be talking about Loki. I was enjoying the time I had away from the house. It was where I left all thoughts of Loki and S.H.I.E.L.D behind me. I wondered for a moment if Clint had picked up on Loki's grin before he left the kitchen.

"You mean you didn't notice how he was staring at us non-stop throughout breakfast? He had his eyes fixed on us the whole time, how did you not notice?"

"Can we talk about something other than Loki, please?" I begged Clint. Loki was the last person I wanted on my mind.

"I'm just irritated by it, I wish he'd stayed in his room. I hate how he can watch us, observe us with our guards down, and Thor doesn't see any problem."

"I'm sure it's nothing serious, it's not like our conversation was exactly private. Who knows, maybe he fancies you." I smirked, Clint responded with a sarcastic smile and rolled his eyes.

"I wouldn't blame him if he did."

* * *

We returned back at the mansion after catching a cab to avoid the rain. It had begun to hail and grey rainclouds masked the once blue sky. The mansion was quiet when we entered, Steve was busy in the gym and Tony and Bruce had left for work in Stark Tower. Clint and I parted ways and we both took to our rooms for a shower. It felt amazing as I peeled off the wet clothes that stuck to my body, and let the hot water wash over me. I changed into some black jeans and a loose red top and dried my hair. I sat in my room and read for a while afterwards nestling into the armchair by my window and indulged in one of the many books on my bookshelf. I had read almost all of them, but I always enjoyed re-reading books, to re-live the enjoyment I once felt the first time around.

I sat curled up in my chair until a gentle knock on my door disrupted me. I set the book down beside me and went to answer, thinking it was probably Clint checking up on me. But instead as I opened my door I was faced with Loki, looking down at me in all seriousness.

"Loki," I looked up at him surprised, and the corner of his mouth twitched as he tried to fight off a small smile. "What do you want?" I asked with severity. I had told him to leave me alone, yet here he was.

He looked around the halls anxiously, making sure that no one was present to observe our conversation. "May I come in?"

I lingered in the doorway for a moment, considering if it were wise to invite Loki into my room, the last time we had been in a similar situation he had ambushed me with another sudden kiss. He looked desperate to speak with me as he shifted on his feet, and yielded, moving slightly to the side allowing him in.

_'I'm going to regret this.'_

Loki stood in my room, observing his surroundings. "Your walls are very bare." He examined.

"I never took the time to furnish it properly," I told him as I shut the door behind me. "This place was meant to be a temporary living situation for Clint and I, until…"

"Until I burdened you with my presence?"

"You could put it like that." I leaned on the desk beside me and crossed my arms defensively. "What do want Loki?"

"I wished to speak to you." Loki's voice was plain and controlled, but I could tell he was trying his best to remain emotionless. He had faltered earlier when his mouth had twitched to a smile.

"About this morning? I told you, I want you to leave me alone."

"I know."

"So why did you come?"

"I didn't want to recount the events from early this morning, instead I came to seek your company." Loki's words contrasted with his emotionless façade.

"I'm sorry?" Once again I was left completely bewildered by him.

"Without sounding too forward, I have grown very fond of your company." I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously, his behaviour was so fickle, and I could never determine which side of him I would be faced with. Loki noticed my distrust and let out a slight sigh. "You remain sceptical? After everything?"

"Why me?" I asked under my breath, trying to keep as quite as possible. I couldn't bear the thought of Clint happening upon this situation between Loki and I.

"You intrigue me." He let a ghost of a smile play on his thin lips. "There are not many who can trick a trickster, Ms Romanoff."

The memory of when I tricked Loki in his glass prison aboard the helicarrier echoed through my mind. "I'd forgotten about that." I admitted faintly.

"It is a memory I have found very difficult to dismiss." Loki smiled gently, his features softened as he recalled it.

"Loki, I've told you, this infatuation you seem to have with me needs to stop. Now." I was stern in my phrasing. I wouldn't allow his small compliments to win me over.

"You asked me why I came and I simply answered truthfully, did you expect me to lie?"

"I wouldn't put it past you." I scoffed at the irony of his reply, "You are known as The God of Lies after all."

"Do you wish for me to leave?"

I paused for a moment, and I surprised myself in doing so. I would have thought that I wouldn't have hesitated to take the opportunity to force Loki out of my room. I couldn't understand the feeling that compelled me to let him stay. I gestured to the armchair behind him, "You can sit, if you want." I turned to sit on my bed facing him as he took a seat in the chair.

"You have quite a collection of books." He observed and he gazed towards the shelf that held my stacks and collections of classic literature.

"I enjoy the solitude they bring, the peace and quite. They're…"

"A good escape." Loki cut me off.

"I was going to say relaxing, but I suppose that's a good way to put it."

"In Asgard, during my prison sentence, I was forbidden any form of entertainment. I would have done anything for something so simple as a book, for a way of escaping my punishment whilst still having to endure it." Loki kept his gaze on the bookshelf, his eyes glossy from the memory of his home. "That is why I took such an interest in yours, "The Old Man and the Sea." I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of Midgardian literature."

"So you enjoyed it?" I couldn't keep a smirk from forming on my lips, Loki noticed it and chuckled slightly.

"I read it twice, if that answers your question."

I laughed in reply, and his eyes lit up at the sound, and his mouth twitched again as he eased into the armchair.

"I can lend you another book if you want," I waved my hand towards the shelf, "Take your pick."

Loki rose from he chair and inspected the stacks of books, with each book he took in his hands he stroked the spine and flicked through the pages, already immersed in the words before him. I got up to help him pick one, as he looked at each book equally indecisively.

"This one's great," I said as I picked out 'To Kill a Mockingbird' and held it out for him. As Loki reached out to take the book from me his hand grazed mine, he paused where our hands met and stiffened. I released the book from my grasp and placed my hand back to my side, my cheeks flushed red from the contact. "Feel free to take more." I offered in attempt to slice the awkward tension. Loki went back to inspecting the shelf, his eyes draping over the different pages of each book.

I returned to sit on my bed and watched him pick out the books that interested him.

"William Shakespeare, I have heard of him." Loki announced as he noticed a book of Shakespeare's sonnets resting beside the armchair where I had placed it when he knocked. "A playwright is he not?"

"He was," I chuckled. "He's renowned as one of the most influential writers in history."

Loki stroked through the pages adoringly, his eyes inspecting every inch of them. He paused on sonnet 116 and murmured the words under his breath.

"Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks  
Within his bending sickle's compass come." He trailed off, his hands still caressing the pages. The words had rolled out of his mouth as if he were born to recite them, his silky voice, though under his breath, was mesmerising. "May I take this book also?" He flicked through the book curiously and went to take a seat beside me on my bed. I didn't know how to react to his sudden closeness. He placed himself on my bed as if no boundaries had been crossed whatsoever. I hesitated before I responded.

"I was reading it before you came in." I looked at him apologetically. "But I can give it to you when I'm finished."

"I would appreciate that very much." Loki looked up from the book and into my eyes. I hated it. I hated the way it felt as if he was staring into my soul with just one glance from his green eyes, but I didn't turn away, instead I stared back at him, standing my ground. We sat in silence for a moment, neither one of us breaking the gaze.

"Natasha, I…" Loki whispered, tearing the silence. "What trickery is this?" He moved closer on the bed to study my eyes, waiting for me to stumble.

"Trickery?"

"This must be some sort of enchantment, a form of torture, a portion of my punishment."

"What are you talking about?"

Loki clasped his hands to my face, he kept his eyes focused on mine, as if her were searching for something. "Why do you treat me with such compassion? When the rest of your team mates avoid me, you seek me out."

"Get off me!" I hissed, trying my hardest not to shout. Loki released his hands but kept is focus on my eyes. "I have never sought you out, I only ever wanted to avoid you and get the hell away from here."

" _You_  came to my room last night," Loki corrected with a smirk.

"Only because I wanted an explanation, nothing more." My stomach twisted, I knew that wasn't true. I couldn't admit to myself that I had gone to Loki's room out of intrigue more than frustration. Loki picked up on the lie and stretched his smirk out to a grin.

"Even you cannot lie to The God of Lies Natasha." He licked his lips and resumed his sly smile. He moved closer so that his breath tickled my face, and clasping his hands around my face once more, he moved his face closer and pressed his soft lips against mine. I found myself unable to resist him once again, my hands returning to run through his thick ebony hair. This time his kisses were not soft, instead they were rough, passionate and lascivious. His teeth biting my lips, he was careful not to draw blood but I still moaned in pain. His hands moved around my waist and moved down to my thighs. He moved me down so that he was on top of me, his eyes flashing with lust. I couldn't help myself, the way he moved against me, the way his tongue explored my mouth. I couldn't deny it anymore. This was what I wanted.

_'You crave me.'_

He had been right.

The trickster ran a hand through my hair and moved his lips down my neck to my collarbone where he sucked and bit until I moaned with pleasure, only to smack my hand over my mouth to shut myself up. I couldn't risk someone overhearing. Loki moved his biting down to the parts of my chest that weren't concealed by my clothing. I clutched to his body passionately, with each kiss I clung tighter to him. His body felt natural beside me, and I wanted him closer. His hands moved beneath my t-shirt, their cold touch made me shiver and Loki smirked at this before crashing his icy lips to mine.

"Nat?" A familiar voice came from behind the door, and Loki froze on top of me.

Our breathing was ragged, and our lips raw. The trickster curled his lips up and smiled at me in victory, he had proved himself right.

"Nat?" Steve's voice came again and was followed by his knocking on the door. I gestured for Loki to move so I could get up, he obliged and shifted out of the way. I went to open the door, brushing down my hair and adjusting my top beforehand.

"Hey Steve." I answered the door, only pulling it open slightly so not to reveal Loki sitting on my bed.

"Hey Nat, is everything alright? I heard something and I thought you might have hurt yourself."

"No," I laughed. "No, I'm fine. Just reading." I smiled at Steve, who thankfully looked as though he believed me, what reason would he have not to?

"Alright, sorry to disturb you. Just a reminder, dinner is in half an hour." He smiled sweetly and turned away towards his own room. I closed the door behind me and let out a small sigh of relief. Loki grinned from the bed; his hair was ruffled from where my fingers had run through it, his lips pinkish. I held his gaze for a moment, examining the man who had kissed me only mere minutes ago. In that moment I was hit by the reality of what had just happened.

"You should go." Loki's grin faded and a look of disappointment took its place. "Thor will be looking for you to take you downstairs for dinner, you should go."

Loki rose from the bed and stepped towards me, his eyes fixed on mine. He took my hand and pressed his lips lightly onto them, "Until next time, my lady." He grinned and turned to the door to leave.

"Wait," I went back to the bed to retrieve the book of Shakespeare's sonnets, "Take it, you'll enjoy it more than I will."

"Thank you." He whispered genuinely. Our hands touched once more as I handed him the book, and I held my breath.

"Any time." I smiled, and he turned for the door. I shut the door behind me after he left, my legs almost gave way the moment I was alone. Loki had the ability to take the air straight out of my lungs and leave me breathless. The memory of his recital of Sonnet 116 floated around my mind. I knew there was something I liked about that sonnet, but the way the words had fallen from his lips, soft and articulate in his rich accent. It was enough to send a shiver down my spine.

I sat on my armchair, biting my fingernails anxiously. My eyes drifted towards my bed, where the unbelievable event had taken place.

_'What if Steve had never knocked on my door? How far would we have gone?'_

I wanted to believe that I would have had the willpower to stop, but I recalled how amazing it had felt, how every instinct that told me to stop was drowned out by the sensation of his touch. There was something about him, his devilish smirks, and his emerald eyes that bore into mine. My heart still pounded from the adrenaline, my bed seemed tainted, like the scene of a crime. Even then as I sat in the armchair where he had moments ago, I felt uneasy. Guilty. I had gone against every instinct in my body, every feeling I had towards The God of Lies. I thrust the thoughts to the back of my mind and got up from the armchair, I drew my glance away from the bed and made my way to leave the room.

* * *

Clint was in the kitchen cooking dinner with help from Bruce. I helped set the table and clear away some of the mess they left from the cooking. Clint was never one to cook, but it was his turn to make dinner, admittedly I had expected him to follow Tony's lead and order takeout.

I took a seat at the table, smirking as I watched Clint potter around the kitchen. It never failed to amuse me when I would see Clint being so domestic. Tony and Steve entered the dining room and took a seat at the table also, Thor and Loki followed afterwards. I avoided Loki's gaze when it drew towards me. He did exactly what I didn't want him to do, and that was to take the seat next to me. I had expected he would, seeing as the seat beside me was the only one where he would also be next to Thor who liked to keep a close watch on his brother. Clint took the seat to my left as he served up the meal, Steve and Tony sat next to each other opposite me and Bruce and Thor took the opposite heads of the table. We all eyed our plates of spaghetti sceptically as Clint placed them in front of us.

"How about next time it's Clint's turn to cook, we go out for dinner?" Steve joked as he prodded what I could only assume was a meatball.

"Shut it Rogers," Clint growled. "It was your idea to have this schedule for who cooks, I told you we should have got a chef."

"We're not getting a chef." Steve said sternly.

"Fine, then don't complain about my cooking." Clint laughed.

We attempted to eat the monstrosity that Clint had prepared, but after a couple of mouthfuls we had to give up or else risk food poisoning. Thor on the other hand was quite content with the meal, which gave Clint a sense of pride and he smiled at the fact that someone could find his cooking edible. I wondered if Thor was one of those people who could eat anything that was placed in front of them.

Loki was silent beside me, except for an occasional snigger when his brother would reach for another plate to polish off. It became rather amusing to see how much The God of Thunder could eat. Tony, Clint and Steve began to place bets on how much he could stomach, and I'm pretty sure Thor was just enduring Clint's cooking to challenge himself.

After Thor had stopped and the money from the bets was handed over, we remained around the table drinking wine. Loki remained at the table also, but he remained quiet and refused the offers of wine or desert. It was obvious that his presence was making the atmosphere around the table slightly awkward. Tony tried his best to coax a conversation out of him, but his questions were coldly shot down by only Yes or No answers.

After an hour or so of drinking and chatting we cleared the table and left for our rooms. I knew I would be returning back downstairs in a matter of hours, so I didn't bother to prepare for bed. I wouldn't have been able to anyway, there was now something about my bed that made it seem unappealing. I couldn't deny that what had happened on it was something I found enjoyable in the moment, but in hindsight, it was a mistake.

I made my bed instead. I cleared the sheets away and replaced them with new ones from my cupboard. Afterwards I grabbed a new book from my shelf and read, waiting for an appropriate hour to return downstairs.

* * *

1:26 AM.

I could hear the opening and closing of Loki's door, followed by his footsteps as they made their way down the corridor. No doubt that he noticed the light in my room was on. After a few minutes I left my room also and made my way to the sitting room, our usual meeting place it seemed.

As expected, Loki was sat in the armchair in the corner of the room, he sat with his legs crossed and reading the book of sonnets I had given him earlier.

"Satisfying your literary needs?" I asked moving towards the couch and taking a seat, as was the custom in our meeting there.

"Greatly," He chuckled. His eyes remained on the pages before him. "You have a fine taste in literature Ms Romanoff."

"I enjoy the classics."

Loki finished reading and placed the book down beside him, his eyes drifting over to my direction. "I didn't expect to see you tonight, I noticed your light was on as I passed your room but I suspected you may be avoiding me." I could detect a small smirk play on his lips.

"I considered it."

"Why did you come?"

"I wanted to speak with you, about earlier."

"I thought as much." Loki sighed. "Are you going to tell me that it cannot happen again? Like you did before?"

"It can't." I glared at him. He grinned, amused by how predictable I was being "I can't forgive you for what you did five months ago."

"I thought you said you believed in second chances."

"I do but…" I tried to find the right words, "there is too much bad blood between us."

"So you can act civil towards me, but you cannot submit to your emotions?" Loki's face went hard. "You can resist them all you wish, but you cannot deny them. They are what brought you down here tonight, they are what stopped you from resisting me."

"Why do you do this? Why do you pursue me?"

"I told you, I have a passion for beauty." His features softened and his tone grew calmer.

I paused at his last statement, and I couldn't help but feel slightly complimented by it. We sunk into silence for a moment, neither of us quite knowing what to say, which did come across as odd for 'The Silvertongue' and the fast talking 'Black Widow'.

"I might go for another walk around the park, you're welcome to come." I announced. I got up from the couch and waited for Loki's reply.

"It would be my great honour to accompany you." I rolled my eyes at his words, and he smirked as I did so.

* * *

The guards didn't react as we left the gates. They had grown accustomed to seeing Loki leave with me so regularly. We walked down the deserted streets in the moonlight, the weather was neither warm nor cold and I had decided to leave my coat behind. We walked in silence, and our footsteps were the only sound as we made our way to the park.

"Tell me something about you." Loki was first to break the silence.

"Why?" I furrowed my brow in confusion.

"I should like to get to know you better." Loki held the gate to the park open for me as I walked in, and I nodded in thanks for the gesture.

"You already know me, Barton told you everything." Loki looked down, remembering how he had compelled Clint to tell him everything about me in order to learn my weaknesses.

"The archer told me many things, yes, but only of your past. I want to know about you, personally." I was taken back by his request. This Loki that walked beside me was vastly different than the one I had encountered those five months ago in the glass prison. In fact, I had encountered many sides to the trickster, hateful, vengeful, weak and romantic. But now, as he walked beside me, he was compassionate. It was this side of him that I liked, when he was kind and admittedly good company.

"So, do you want to know my favourite colour? or…"

"Anything." Loki chuckled. The sound of his laugh caused my lips to curl into a smile.

"My favourite colour is red," I laughed at how basic the information was. I glanced at Loki who was listening intently, which only made my smile grow larger. We sat down on the bench that overlooked the pond, this time Loki ignored the sight of the waters and focused on me. I can't deny that I was enjoying the attention. "My favourite season is fall, though my favourite weather condition is when it snows." I looked down at my shoes awkwardly, growing slightly embarrassed by the situation. Loki grinned at it all, but his eyes glistened at my last statement.

"You enjoy the snow?"

"Yeah, I guess. When I was younger, growing up in Russia, it would snow every winter. I would always want to go and play in it but my foster father would rarely allow me to, I was always too busy in the Redroom," I looked at Loki who nodded to show he knew what I was talking about, no doubt it was something he had learned from Clint. "But now I just enjoy how it looks, the sense of serenity when everything just sort of… slows down. It's beautiful."

Loki gazed at me with an expression of such delight from what I was saying. It was almost surreal to see him look such a way.

"What?" I asked, his gaze beginning to make me feel disquieted.

Loki merely chuckled and reached to the side of the pond, dipping his fingers in slightly before the water began to freeze over. The ice crept over the body of water slowly. I let out an involuntary gasp of surprise. Loki sat back up and looked up at the sky. Snowflakes began to fall from it, floating ever so slowly around us. It was beautiful. Loki looked back at me, a small smile danced on his lips.

"I thought Odin took away your frost giant abilities." Is shifted away from him, my guard building up slowly.

"Odin weakened my abilities, I can perform small tricks, nothing strong enough to harm anyone." I remained sceptical, and my eyes narrowed slightly. "You have no reason to be afraid. You said you liked the snow, so this is for you." He gestured his arms towards where the snow was beginning to set.

I couldn't help but smile at the sight, the white flakes of snow landing softly to rest on the ground. I laughed as Loki's hair became sprinkled with them, standing out against the raven black hair.

"Thank you." I smiled, and I leaned forward to kiss him on the forehead. We remained on the bench, watching the snowfall around us. I shivered at the cold, wishing I had brought my coat with me. Loki noticed my reaction to the cold and quickly removed his jacket.

"Here, take this." He draped his jacket over my shoulders. I would have never thought him to be capable of such gentlemanly behaviour. "Perhaps if you are cold, we should head back?"

We got up from the bench and began walking back to the mansion. Loki held the gate open for me once more as we left the park. I grinned at his suave manners.

By the time we returned to the mansion, the snow had almost covered the ground completely. The driveway looked enchanting, everything was ice white. Once we entered the house I closed the door behind us and Loki removed his jacket from my shoulders. I stopped being surprised by his gestures of kindness. He was the prince of Asgard after all. When dealing with his bitter and erratic behaviour such things were easy to forget. We walked together to our rooms, and did so in silence so not to wake anyone up. As we paused outside my door, Loki took my hand in his and kissed it softly on the top.

"Thank you." I whispered as he looked back at me, still holding my hand in his.

"For what?"

"For being so courteous, for the snow, for wanting to get to know me…" I whispered so quietly I was sure my words were inaudible.

"It was my pleasure, Natasha." My heart fluttered at the sound of my name on his lips. He stoked a hair away from my face, his hand slowly moving from behind my ear to rest on my jaw. His eyes glistening as he did so. He made no move to kiss me, but instead he kept his hand on my cheek and the other grasped my hand. Slowly I pulled him closer to me and pressed my lips to his cheek, softly and lightly before pulling away. That was all I could give him, for now.

"Good night, Loki."

"Good night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, this was a nice fluffy chapter for you guys! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I wasn't planning to post this chapter so soon, but I'm procrastinating from revising for my exams, so here you go.
> 
> Also, ye best be warned, there be smut ahead. x


	9. The Berlin Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One month on from when Loki arrives at the Avengers Manor and Natasha and Loki's relationship has grown immensely. Though he knows she cannot give him what he wants, and that's romance, they have learned to confide in each other. But when Natasha id called on a job with Steve, Loki's deep rooted jealousy may get the best of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and I hope you enjoy reading it. I would like to warn you that there is smut ahead, though I'm not sure if it's too graphic (I'm new to this)
> 
> But enjoy! And your feedback is more than welcome! x

 

For the next week we continued to meet in the early hours of the mornings. We would converse in the sitting room or walk around the park and sit together on the bench. Sometimes we would merely sit in silence and read. It was appeasing enough just being in each other's presence. When we were to part there was nothing more than a kiss on the cheek and an exchange of glances before wishing each other good night. The more time we spent in each other's company, the more we began to open up to one another.

Loki told me of his punishments in Asgard, going into detail about the severity of the tortures he had endured, and even though I understood the reason for such chastisement, I was mortified by the forms of abuse his father had forced him to suffer. As he delineated his experiences, I noticed how his eyes glossed over. I would clasp his hands in mine and squeeze comfortingly. Sure, Loki had a destructive past, sure he did disgusting and reprehensible things, but nobody deserved such pain as he had been given.

One evening as we sat on the park bench overlooking the pond, I was telling Loki about my time in U.S.S.R.'s "Black Widow Ops" programme, though he already knew most of my back-story he listened closely. His face going stiff as I told him of the Redroom and the brainwashing facilities I was forced into. This time Loki took my hand and squeezed, he kept his gaze on the ground, I could see the anger flare in his eyes as I told him of what I had been subjected to. After I finished we fell into another silence. This one was much longer and contemplative than the others we had experienced. Loki kept his hard gaze on the ground before him, his fingers still entangled in mine.

"Barton didn't tell me that." He said quietly.

"I never told him, at least, not everything."

"But you're telling me?" Loki looked up from the ground and at me. His brilliant green eyes were glazed over and shone in the light from the moon. "Why?"

I didn't really understand why I had told Loki so much, the words had just spilled out uncontrollably, but it felt good to talk to someone about it.

"I… I don't know." I furrowed my brow and met his gaze. Loki's features softened into sly smile.

"Careful Natalia, you're beginning to confide in me." My heart had fluttered at the sound of my original name. I hadn't been called that name in years, and it sounded beautiful in his mouth.

Loki began appearing out of his room much more often, he sat with us when we would sit around the dining room table to eat, and sit in his armchair reading in the sitting room whilst the guys watched a film or played a card game. We never spoke though. We only ever exchanged friendly glances so not to arouse suspicion. However, Loki began to join in on some conversations around the dinner table, not fully, but sometimes he would correct his brother when Thor would tell a story of his childhood in Asgard around the dinner table. Though many of them I had heard from Loki already.

I didn't know what it was we were doing exactly, but I enjoyed the ability to open up to someone, to have someone actually listen to me. I came to learn that Loki and I had far more in common than I had ever imagined. Never knowing our biological parents, being raised from infantry by a surrogate father, our destructive pasts. With each passing evening we spent together in each other's company I grew more comfortable with him, until I felt I had known him for years. Somehow I began to feel closer to Loki than anyone, even Clint. I knew that what I was doing was wrong and potentially dangerous, even if it was something as innocent and simple as a kiss on the cheek or talking until the early hours of the morning. I knew that in anyone else's eyes I would be viewed as emotionally compromised, after all, Loki was sent to earth under a prison sentence. He didn't deserve my compassion, but I gave it to him nonetheless.

My sleeping began to improve, and though I would stay up until five in the morning with Loki, after I crept back into my bed I would sleep for hours, and waking up at one in the afternoon. Clint noticed my change in sleeping patterns, I had expected him to question me on it but as I emerged from my room each afternoon he only ever greeted me with a grin, silently pleased at how I was faring. On multiple occasions I would find myself in Loki's embrace on the sitting room couch, the both of us having fallen asleep in each other's arms. It was ironic how Loki, of all people, seemed to be the reason I was sleeping better, when he and his army of Chitauri had caused my insomnia in the first place.

* * *

A month had passed since Loki's arrival at the mansion, and his good behaviour wasn't going unnoticed. Slowly some of my housemates were called in for jobs for S.H.I.E.L.D. Clint was first, the job was short as he was only gone for two days, and most of that time would have been spent travelling to and from his destination. It was obvious that S.H.I.E.L.D. was still weary about putting us on missions.

I was sat in the sitting room reading when I was informed that I had been called in for a job. I felt the rush of adrenaline flow through me, as it would always do when I would get a mission. Jarvis called me into the conference room, and idea of getting back into the game nearly made jump out of my chair from excitement. I walked into the conference room to find Steve in there also, and Fury was on the video chat screen at the end of the table.

"Agent Romanoff." Fury greeted me as I walked into the camera's line of vision.

"I thought I was being called in for a job." I looked at Steve with a furrowed brow.

"You are." Came Fury's reply.

"Why's Steve here? I usually work alone or with Clint." I asked suspiciously.

"Clint is still recovering from his last mission, though he may not have been physically injured, we are giving him some time off." Fury looked down at something out of the view from the camera. "It says here that you are in poor health, therefore you will be working with a partner on this mission."

Rage bubbled up inside me, yet again I was perceived as the weak one. "I'm fine." I said sternly. "I was suffering from insomnia but now I'm fine. I don't see why I can't be trusted to work a job alone."

"It's just for insurance," Fury said reassuringly. "Steve will be there for if anything goes wrong, this is an important case we're putting you on, potentially dangerous."

I eased back into my chair.

_'At least it's not Stark I'm stuck with.'_

"What's the job?" Steve asked.

"We're sending you to Berlin, there's a man we need you to track down, he's got his hands on the U.S. military plans and we need them back before he sells them to the wrong hands. We've gotten word that he'll be at a ball for some of Berlins elite, that's where we want you to corner him. We'll fill you in when you're on the flight over. I suggest you start packing, we'll send a car for you in an hour." The screen went black and Fury was gone.

* * *

Steve and I left for our rooms to go and pack, I dressed into my black cat suit and packed some dresses that I knew I would be wearing later when undercover. I was zipping up my suitcase when I heard a faint knock on my door.

"I'll be down in a minute Steve." I yelled. There was a brief silence but then the knocking continued. I let out a large sigh and went to answer it. Loki stood in the doorway, smiling at the sight of me in my uniform.

"May I come in?" He asked as he raised an eyebrow. I pulled him in quickly so not to be seen by anyone else.

"I have to go in five minutes, so this needs to be quick." I turned back to my suitcase, hoisting it from my bed and onto the floor.

"You're going on a job?"

"Finally." I said with a grin, I couldn't conceal the happiness I felt at the idea, especially not around Loki.

"I suppose I should wish you good luck then."

"I don't need luck." I smirked. I zipped up my boots and hurriedly collected some books for my hand luggage. "My car's going to be here any minute."

"How long will you be gone?"

"A few day's, I'm going to Germany, Berlin to be exact." I made my way for the door, suitcase in hand.

"In that case, I shall bid you farewell, for now." Loki took a step forward and took my hand in his and kissed it gently.

I held a breath, remembering that I wouldn't be seeing him for the next few days. The idea stung more than expected. I pulled Loki's hands around my waist and leant into him to kiss his lips, I held the kiss for moment, cherishing the feeling of being so close to him.

A knock on my door forced me to pull away from Loki's hold, a look of disappointment crept over his features.

"Nat? The car is here to take us to the airport." Steve's muffled voice came from behind the door, and Loki scowled in its direction.

I moved away from Loki's embrace, and towards the door. I picked up my suitcase and handbag and opened the door to Steve. Loki stood out of sight from the doorway, and he stiffened as I left the room, leaving him behind.

* * *

Our first two days in Berlin we spent tracking down the man we were looking for, his name was Scott Lounds and he was a successful American business man, who often made black market trades on the side, a typical antagonist, and one that I knew very well how to take down. The third day was the day for the elite ball, and the day that we had prepared to catch him.

I stood in the lobby of our hotel; I wore a long black cocktail dress and heels. I had a small handgun in my clutch purse and another tucked into a holster around my thigh. Steve came from the elevator wearing a black tuxedo, he smiled as he noticed me waiting.

"Don't you look dashing!" I grinned as he approached me.

"I've always wanted to wear one of these." He smiled and adjusted his bowtie.

"You've never worn one before?"

"I always wanted to before I was… 'Enhanced' but I could never find one that fit, and then I was frozen for sixty five years, so I guess this is my first go." He chuckled and moved his hands to his pockets.

"Well, you look great."

"Thanks, as do… wow." Steve took a step back to look at me for the first time, and a smile crept its way across his face. "No, seriously Nat, you look amazing."

"Thank you." My grin grew wider at the compliment.

"Shall we go?" Steve held out his arm with a smirk. I looped my arm around his and we walked outside and into the car that was waiting for us.

"Are we all clear on the plan?" Steve asked once the car had begun to take us to the ball.

"All clear." I assured him. Steve fumbled his fingers together nervously. "You feeling ok?"

Steve laughed under his breath, "Yeah, I just hope I'm not too rusty. It's been a while, what with being stuck at the mansion and all."

"It'll be fine, it's a simple job. I doubt we'll even have to use our guns."

* * *

We arrived at an expensive looking hotel and made our way into a grand ballroom, the ceiling was adorned with beautiful paintings and architecture. Fantastically built statues were placed about the room and men and women in waistcoats wormed their way through the crowds of people carrying champagne and hors d'oeuvre on silver plates.

We scanned the area, searching for the elusive Scott Lounds, and after a few minutes of inspecting the crowds, we found him sat at the bar at the very end of the ballroom. Steve and I parted as I made my way towards the bar and took a seat next to the man. It wasn't hard to catch his attention, all it took was a few flirtatious smiles and I had him.

"What's a pretty girl like you doing all by herself?" He asked, turning to look at me with a leer. I giggled at his question, though inside I was reeling at his obnoxiousness that dripped from his cheesy pick up line.

"I'm just trying to catch the right kind of attention, clearly I've found it." I smirked and fluttered my eyelashes, he grinned cockily.

"My name's Scott Lounds," He reached his hand out for me to shake it.

"Natalie Rushman." I placed my hand in his and shook gently; his grasp was firm and sweaty.

"Well Natalie, it's nice to meet a fellow American here, my German is rusty. Can I get you a drink?"

I smirked at how easy it was to entice him. "I would  _love_  a martini." I said in a ridiculously flirtatious voice. "So what brings you to Berlin, Mr Lounds? Business or pleasure?"

He chuckled and took a swig of his whiskey. "Business, but tonight is strictly pleasure." He didn't try to hide the obvious sexual connotations behind his words. "What do you say Ms Rushman? My room is only upstairs."

I had to hide a shudder that forced itself upon me from his voice. I paused for a moment in fake contemplation, pursing my lips, which made his eyes widen in arousal.

"You're very full on." I teased; I didn't want to seem too easy and perhaps be seen as suspicious.

"I know when I want something, and I always get what I want."

"Oh, I bet you do." I sniggered inwardly at how much the suspense was killing him. I moved my hand to his knee and moved it up slightly. "Where's your room?"

We took our drinks and moved to leave the ballroom, I met Steve's gaze from across the space and nodded to tell him everything was going accordingly. I followed Scott Lounds as he lead me to his hotel room, as he did so he bored me with fake compliments that he thought would make me swoon and drop my pants there and then. I thought about shooting him a couple of times but remembered that that would be counterproductive.

When we eventually reached his room I faked a gasp at how large it was, it was indeed large and very beautifully decorated but it wasn't anything I hadn't seen before. I scanned the room for a safe or something with a lock that may be concealing the military plans. Scott took the cocktail glass from my hand and placed it on the coffee table beside him, he then looped an arm around my waist in order to kiss me. Before his lips came anywhere close to mine, I head butted him, and he fell back unconscious. This was child's-play.

I searched the room quickly, rummaging through draws and suitcases for anything that could carry the information I was sent to retrieve. I found a safe but it had been unused. I knew I needed to find the plans before Lounds arose from his repose. I practically tore his room apart in my attempt to find what I was looking for but to no avail. Lounds began to stir, his eyes began to open and he became more aware of the situation he was in. His hand flew to his chest, where it searched his blazer pocket for something. The plans. I wanted to kick myself for not searching him sooner, but in my defence, I didn't expect him to be stupid enough to carry the plans on him.

I placed my heel on his throat threateningly, smirking as I did so, and I bent down and reached into his jacket pocket finding a USB stick. Mission accomplished.

"Nasty bitch!" He spat as he struggled to move my foot from his neck. I clicked my tongue and crouched down beside him.

"Now, now, mind your language." I mocked, smirking down at him. I hit him over the head, knocking him out once more, and placed the USB stick in my purse.

I found Steve by the bar drinking water, typical Steve.

"Did you get it?" He asked as I pulled him aside.

"I got it, now let's go." We manoeuvred through the crowds of people hurriedly; I didn't want to chance another encounter with the ever-charming Scott Lounds.

"Get that bitch!" The cry came from the top of the grand staircase of the hotel lobby, and I turned to see Lounds pointing straight at me. His voice was coarse from when I pressed my shoe on his neck. Oops.

A few people looked around confusedly, not comprehending his English, and I smirked, but as I turned back to the doorway where we were heading towards, three large men in suit and tie barged towards us. Steve was quick to tackle one and jab his elbow in the gut of another. I took on the largest of the three, instantly regretting wearing heels and a restrictive dress. I grabbed the handgun from my holster and shot twice in the larger henchman's direction, causing screams of the scared passers-by to echo through the large room. When all three were weakest we ran for the exit, I could hear the distressed cries of Lounds behind me. As we left the hotel we were greeted by the German police force, they eyed us suspiciously as we showed them our S.H.I.E.L.D. identification and then ran inside the lobby to arrest Lounds and his three friends.

Steve and I climbed into our town car breathlessly, and laughing at our lucky escape. We left the police to clean up the scene and drove back to our hotel.

"That was easy." Steve asked, surprised.

"I told you." I smirked, "S.H.I.E.L.D. is only giving us basic jobs for the moment, they still need us to keep an eye on Loki." Steve let out a deep breath, and he practically deflated into his seat. I raised an eyebrow at his exasperation.

"I'm just disappointed that we didn't get to stay at the ball longer."

"Oh really?" I laughed.

"Y'know, I'm quite the dancer." He chuckled.

We made it back at the hotel and stopped at the bar for a couple of drinks, and we sat and chatted for a while. I filled him in on some of the things he had missed over the last sixty-five year's as he had requested, I was a the best person to do so I guess, seeing as I experienced the sixty-five years first hand. It was something I was glad to have in common with Steve, as we were both far older than we looked. He hung on my every word, his eyes glazing over as I described the aftermath of the war, recounting fond memories of the nineteen forties. The band in the bar began to play a song and a few couples got up to dance. The song was familiar, but I didn't know how to place it.

"I know this song." Steve smiled, pleased to find something familiar in the future he was still adapting to. "This is 'Anything Goes' by Cole Porter. They used to play this nonstop at the local diner." He grinned at the memory. The familiarity of the song began to click into place, it had been a while since I'd heard it but it slowly came back to me. A smile crept its way across my face as I began to remember. Steve got up from his chair and offered his hand. "Dance with me."

"I don't dance." I laughed, I hadn't danced in years, the abstract memories of ballet flickered in the back of my mind every time I tried, and I was in no rush to replay the past.

"You just wait until you see  _me_." He laughed, shaking his hand out desperate for me to take it. "Come on Nat! This is our last night in Berlin, I didn't get a chance to dance at the ball, so I'm not taking no for an answer now."

I hesitated for a moment, but the drinks from the bar had made my judgement hazy, and I reached to take his hand with a sigh. Steve led me to the middle of the dance floor, arousing glances from various couples, it wasn't until then in proper lighting that we noticed just how battered and bloody we looked. We couldn't help the break out of laughter at how peculiar we must have seemed. We danced any way, Steve showed me a number of his shameful dance moves, it took all I had not to burst out laughing, and I made an attempt of joining in.

By eleven we decided to retreat to our rooms, I had admittedly had a pretty good time on the job. It was refreshing to get away from the mansion and New York, and I was pleased to have gone with Steve, whose company was always good to keep.

I slept through the entire night undisturbed, waking up at eight in the morning from my alarm clock that pulled me out of bed and reminded me to pack my bag. I met Steve down in the hotel lobby and we got in the town car that took us to the airport. I was sad to be going back to normal life, back to the droll everyday routine of eating, reading and trying to sleep, but I did have one thing to look forward to. Loki. I felt warmth in the bottom of my stomach at the thought of staying up with him, talking about our lives and just generally being around him. Over the month of his stay our relationship had changed immensely, and I still surprised myself with how much I enjoyed his company and how relaxed I could be around someone. I'd known Clint for years and there were still things couldn't share with him.

* * *

1:05 AM

We arrived back at the mansion feeling extremely jet-lagged, and we trailed up the pathway in silence, pulling our suitcases behind us. As Steve opened the door for me I took in the familiar sight of the entrance hall, the high ceilings and the magnificent staircase that lead to the second floor. I didn't hesitate to go straight for my room, Steve followed without question, as we were both exhausted. My neck ached from where one of the henchmen had hit me, my lip still slightly swollen from another hit to the face. I could almost smell the concerned looks I was going to get from Clint.

We stopped outside Steve's door, as it was the first one down the hall. Steve was bruised on his face, though it had healed considerably since the morning.

"Good work last night Nat." He said in a low voice so not to wake anyone up.

"Same goes for you." I smiled. I heard a slight creek in the floorboards in the distance and my eyed darted to the origin, Loki's door was shut, but I could see a slit of yellow light from his lamp. I had expected he'd be awake, as he was every night.

"I enjoyed working with you again, maybe we can do it sometime in the future." Steve grinned. He pulled me in for a hug, and I practically fell asleep in his arms, I was so tired.

"Definitely." I yawned. "Good night Cap."

"Good night Nat."

Steve walked into his room and closed the door gently behind him and I trailed down the corridor sluggishly by myself. I noticed the shadow of Loki's pacing through the crack in his door, and I thought about going to see him, but I was too tired to fill him in on my trip to Berlin. I crept into my room and climbed straight into bed, not even bothering to remove my clothes. All I knew was that I couldn't bear to keep my eyes open any longer.

* * *

11:12 AM

I walked into the kitchen to find Steve sleepily making himself breakfast, he had obviously just woken up as well. The rest of our housemates were sitting around the table, mugs of coffee in their hands, and chattering amongst them, Loki sat next to his brother, detached from the conversations.

"Here she is!" Tony reported as I stepped into the kitchen. The rest of them looked up and smiled, Clint got out of his chair to come and greet me, and he gave me a hug and walked me to a chair at the table.

"You look exhausted." Bruce observed as I sat down beside him and Clint. Loki looked at me blankly, I noticed the chair beside him was empty, and he'd probably wanted me to sit beside him.

"I'm just jet-lagged." I assured him. Steve took the seat next to a very aggravated looking Loki.

"Your lip looks completely better." Steve noticed.

"You got hurt?" Clint looked up and I rolled my eyes at the concern.

"Just a little, but it's healed now, so there is absolutely nothing to worry about." I stole Clint's cup of coffee and took a sip.

We sat around the table for an hour, discussing the events in Berlin, how I had to seduce the brute Scott Lounds and our brawl with the three huge men in the hotel lobby. Steve and I laughed at the memory of our evening afterwards, how we had sat at the bar of our own hotel in our fancy clothing that was ripped slightly, with bloody faces and acted as if nothing was wrong, how we had attempted to dance together, avoiding the glares from the other dancers. Loki excused himself halfway through, his scowl had deepened considerably, but I was too tired and too immersed in telling the story to fully apprehend his malaise.

* * *

Tony and Bruce left for Stark tower later that afternoon and Clint, Steve and Thor took to the gym. I took this opportunity to visit Loki in his room. I hadn't spoken to him at all since I had left for Berlin, and I was confused over his sudden excusal from the table. I knocked on his door gently and waited for his reply. I knew he was in there, but he didn't make any move to answer the door. I knocked again and waited, looking around every now and again to make sure nobody saw. I knocked louder. Still nothing.

"Loki? It's me. Can I come in?" I pressed my ear to the door. I could hear him pacing. "Loki? Why are you ignoring me, I know you're in there."

Silence.

I knocked again, louder, still nothing. I grew Impatient and swung his door open, knowing well that it didn't have locks. S.H.I.E.L.D. would never allow it.

"What the hell, Loki?" I hissed, shutting the door behind me and turning to face the tall man standing by his window.

"I never said you could come in." He muttered coldly.

"What?"

"I never said you could come in." He repeated with sharpness in his tone.

"Why were you ignoring me? I haven't seen you for days and this is how you greet me?"

"Why don't you go and play with your little soldier, he seems to be better company than me." He turned and sat on his bed, his face was like stone, and reminiscent of his coldness from when he had first arrived at the mansion.

"I… I don't understand."

"Of course you understand, Rogers and you. I heard you last night, thick as thieves. You knew I was awake, waiting for you, but you never came."

"I was tired, I wouldn't have been able to keep my eyes open for much longer. I'm here now." my voice threatened to raise itself into a yell and I tried to keep it under control. Loki scoffed, his jaw was tightened and his eyes flashed with anger.

"You couldn't even make eye contact with me this morning, you couldn't even go near me!" Loki wasn't afraid to shout, but I tensed at the volume. "You're nothing but a cold-hearted whore, and even now, you are too afraid that people will overhear us find out about us."

"Find out about what?" I couldn't help but shout now, rage bubbled up from inside me. "What even is this? This thing we do, what is it?" Loki glared back at me, unable to answer. I stormed out of his room, slamming the door behind me.

I rushed into my room and slamming my door as well, I didn't give a crap about anyone overhearing. I too was distraught.

' _How could I have been so naïve? To think Loki was someone I could confide in. To think that he could be good, that he could be caring. How dare he, how dare he call me a whore, be so cold and unreceptive after I have shown him such compassion!'_

I paced my room furiously; I needed something to hit, to break. I resolved to sitting on my bed, balling my hands into fists and digging my nails into my own flesh, not caring about the pain.

"Natasha." Loki's voice was faint from behind me. He hadn't bothered to knock, which only angered me further. I clenched my jaw and kept my back to him, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of my full attention. I heard the door close behind me, but I knew he was still there, I could feel his icy presence. I resisted the warmth that my name on his tongue brought. "I wish to apologise."

"You? Apologise?" I snorted. "What's next? Is Tony going to AA meetings?" I felt Loki's cold hand ghost over my shoulder, unsure of whether or not to grasp it. I turned anyway, narrowing my eyes into his.

"I am sorry." He confessed, his voice was earnest and I felt myself falter slightly but I composed myself, regaining my cold exterior. He was closer to me now, and I knew his proximity and his emerald eyes would be his weapon. I moved away from the bed and towards my window, my back turned to him once more.

"I want you to leave." I said coldly. I could see his reflection in the window, his face was distorted from the design of the glass panes but I could still register the pain on his face, the weakness he thought I couldn't see and tried so very hard to disguise.

"Natasha," He protested, I saw his figure take a step around the bed and towards me.

"Please." I pleaded, trying to cover the pain in my voice. I was surprised to feel so broken by him, so hurt.

"I  _am_  sorry." He repeated. "I can't help feeling protective over the things and people that I love."

I froze at his last statement, from the reflection I could see that he did too, trying to comprehend what he had just professed.

"Love?" I turned to look at him, my cold demeanour had faltered entirely and I gazed at him wide eyed in confusion. He smirked at my failure to uphold my façade and took a few slow steps towards me.

"Love. The few things I hold most dear. My honour, my mother." He paused as he wrapped his arms around my waist, gazing down at me with his eyes like green gems, I was right in thinking they'd be his weapons against me. "And you, Ms Romanoff."

I barely had time to think about what he'd just said before his lips were on mine, cold and smooth, working themselves around mine passionately. I didn't resist, instead I grasped his face in my hands, pulling him closer. If there was one thing I knew, it was that his previous declarations only made me want him more than I ever did. I still hated him for the things he said, and I made sure to bite his lips out of fury. He groaned as I drew blood, and he pulled away. Lust and passion flashed in his eyes, and I was reminded of the last time we had kissed so passionately, before Steve had interrupted us. Loki grabbed my thighs and hoisted me up, carrying me to the bed. He threw me down onto the mattress, his eyes dancing with delight and I pulled him down from his collar for another kiss. I pulled off his shirt instantaneously, revealing his pale torso and surprisingly muscular physique. His armour had been very good at concealing his body, compared with Thor, Loki had always seemed weedy and small, but I could see for myself that that was very untrue. My hands traced his torso as he worked his tongue against mine, his fingers creeping up from my waist to remove an item of my clothing, he settled on removing my top, unbuttoning it from the top down and trailed his lips down my chest as they followed his fingers working on the buttons. I couldn't help but arch my back with a moan of pleasure at his arctic touch. My hairs rose on end at my body's exposure, Loki smirked at this as he worked his lips further down my body and proceeded to unbutton my pants. I knew exactly where this was going, but I didn't want it to end. Loki pulled his lips away as he slid my pants off, reaching back to my neck to work his magic. I was almost completely exposed, in nothing but my underwear, I frowned as I realised Loki was still in his jeans, and I reached down to unzip them, arousing a warm chuckle from where his lips parted from my jawbone.

"Someone is in a hurry, isn't she?" He purred in my ear, sending a pleasurable shiver down my spine. I dug my nails into his neck in response, to my surprise he let out a low moan of pleasure as I drew blood.

' _So he likes that_.' I thought.

I bit his lips once more and scraped my nails down his back, snagging on his skin, I went savage as I clawed at his flesh. He grinned and took my lips in his, moving one hand behind my head to bring me closer, I tasted the familiar metallic taste of blood from his bottom lip. With his free hand he reached down into my briefs, I let out a deep moan in pleasure, and bit my own lip to keep myself quiet. He pulled them down completely until I was almost completely naked, with only my bra on. Once again he trailed his lips down my chest, to my stomach and between my legs, my back arched again in response. His tongue sending spasms up my spine in pure ecstasy. He removed his jeans and boxers and pushed into me, the both of us let out a moan at the sensation. I wrapped my legs around him and he moved his hips back and forth, moving faster with ample ferocity. He leaned down and crashed his lips against mine in a momentary pause, I felt his hot ragged breath in my ear, and he turned over giving me a chance on top.

I un-hooked my bra and let myself be completely exposed, and moving my hands to rest on his chest I moved my hips forwards and backwards, revelling in his palpable satisfaction. His hands moved from a firm grip on my waist and up to my breasts. I held his gaze for the whole time, only breaking away as I threw my head back in orgasm, he reached his peak shortly after and I let myself fall beside him on the bed. My breathing was rough and heavy. I moved my head to see the naked god lying next to me, splayed out across the sheets. His laboured breathing caused his chest to visibly move up and down. The late afternoon sunlight poured over his ivory skin, painting over every crease, every dip in his body. I gazed over at him, he looked like a work of art, or like one of the sculptures I had seen at the ball in Berlin. He turned his head to the right to look at me. His lips curled slowly into a smile that crept up his face and stretched into a bewitching grin. He laughed with what little breath he had and turned his body to face me completely.

"Welcome back from Berlin, Ms Romanoff."

"I've been waiting to hear you say that." I smirked and took his face in my hands, kissing him once more. He wrapped his arms around me in an embrace, our bodies moved to the rhythm of our ragged breathing, sweaty against one another. I rested my head on his chest and intertwined my legs in his. I could hear his heart beating so fast that I thought that it might fail him. He coiled his arm around my body and kissed me on the top of my head softly. Our breathing slowed, and we lay bare-skinned together in each other's embrace.

"I love you." He breathed.

My stomach tensed at the sound, and I felt a twinge of fear in my chest, and my head was abuzz with the knowledge that he loved me. I didn't know quite how to apprehend it, less so on how to respond. I kissed him on his chest where my head lay and nestled in closer to him, hoping he'd think I hadn't heard him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ERRMAHGERD!
> 
> I would also like to say a huge thank you to those who have supported my story so far! (You guys know who you are) Thank you ever so much! x


	10. Love is For Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha is conflicted. She has been trained to be stoic, to keep her emotions at bay, and so far in her life she has been successful in doing so, but Loki is different. He does something to her, makes her feel safe. So why can't she submit to her emotions? Does she love him? Does she even know what love is?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously didn't think I'd make it to a tenth chapter! This is a lovely fluffy chapter with some cheeky smut, the story is slowly coming to a close, only two more chapters left!
> 
> Thank you all for your reviews and support, I hope you enjoy! x

We lay together in silence, our arms wrapped around each other in a firm embrace. I never wanted to let go of him... We remained silent for an hour or so, merely savouring each other's company while we still had it. The possibility of someone interrupting us and knocking on my door was inevitable. I would tense up every time I heard footsteps approach it, and every time Loki would only clasp me tighter in comfort. It was calming to be in his arms, the intimacy, and the affection made me feel warmth in my stomach. It was a mutual understanding that whatever it was that we were doing, it could only exist behind closed doors. As the sun began to set, we were draped in orange light, and Loki looked magnificent in the early evening sun.

"Did I do that?" Loki asked, his fingers tracing the bruises on my waist.

"I don't know. It could be from my job in Berlin." I grasped the hand that ghosted over the purple hues and moved it away. "Even if it was you, I heal quickly, they'll be gone in a day or two." I brushed my hand over his back, where there once were scrapes of torn flesh, now only red marks remained. The evidence of our intimacy was fading from view, and I was pleased that we could be so passionate and not worry about leaving a trace.

"It will be time to eat soon." He said in a hushed tone. His hands clasping mine even tighter as he spoke. "I believe Thor will pull himself away from exercise to come looking for me, or instead, Captain Rogers will knock on your door and interrupt us once again."

"Are you jealous of him?" I smirked playfully, and Loki scowled pulling my body closer to his.

"What's there to be jealous of? I have you." He pressed his lips against mine for the first time since we made love. They were warmer than usual. I pulled away, using every inch of my will power to do so.

"You should go, you're right, Thor's going to call you to dinner soon." Loki scowled again, his hands sliding up and down my figure seductively.

"I'm not hungry." He whispered and kissed me again, trailing his lips along my jaw.

"I'm serious, go." I laughed, and playfully pushed him to the side as I got off the bed. I picked up the discarded clothes and put them in my hamper. I wrapped my bathrobe around me, covering myself up, much to Loki's disappointment. "I'm going for a shower, you can't be here when I get back." I smiled at how his face had hardened with displeasure at the idea.

"Perhaps sometime I may join you in the shower." He smirked suggestively. "When we are not so pressed for time." I chuckled at his request and turned for the bathroom.

"Whatever works for you." I called as I left the room, closing the door to the bathroom behind me. I removed my bathrobe and stepped into the shower, releasing the hot water and relished in the heat as it gushed over me. My mind was still hazy from the overwhelming amount of thoughts that Loki had produced into my mind.

I looked back on the previous events, the intimacy, the heat between us, and the feeling he left me with that pooled deep inside my stomach. His beauty as he lay in the late afternoon sun, he had looked like true perfection. The emotions I had felt towards him over the past weeks had finally made their way to the surface, and I could no longer deny my attraction to him, the pleasure his company brought me. But there was something I was still unsure of about him; it had left me anxious and slightly panic-stricken. Loki had told me he loved me, he had said it twice and I had never replied. I knew he would have picked up on it, but I appreciated the fact that he hadn't pressed me on it. He would have remembered how I had told him five months ago that love is for children. I was surprised, however, that he hadn't pulled away or stiffened at my lack of reply. I inwardly hit myself for not saying anything. Even a thank you on my part would have sufficed.

I got out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel. I opened the door to the bathroom, releasing the cloud of steam. Loki had left, and for a moment I wondered if he had even been there at all, but the creases in the sheets assured me that I hadn't dreamed the past few hours. They felt so surreal and as I looked back it was mostly a blur, but the memory of the comfort and the excitement was clear and unyielding. The exhilaration and elation that Loki brought with his company left me dazed, but always wanting more. My knees felt weak at the memory of his touch, the magic he created with his mouth. I grinned to myself as I dressed. The mere memory of him beside me was enough to make me smile. I dried my hair and changed the sheets of my bed before heading down to the kitchen to help with dinner.

* * *

I was surprised to see Pepper sitting at the table beside Tony. I assumed she had returned while I was in Berlin with Steve, as he looked just as surprised to see her as he walked in after me.

"Pepper? When did you get here?" He strolled towards her and she stood up from her chair to receive his hug.

"I got back yesterday, but you guys," She waved her hand between Steve and I. "You guys weren't here."

"Hey Pepper." I smiled as I walked over to sit at the table opposite her, I was glad to see her. I hadn't seen her since our night out a few weeks earlier, as she had been busy working in L.A.

Pepper asked us to tell her about our job in Berlin, and Tony rolled his eyes having heard about it already and wanting Pepper all to himself. We discussed as much as we could before Bruce announced that dinner was ready and Thor left to collect Loki from his room. I helped Bruce serve up the food, and Thor returned with his brother as I went to collect some plates from the kitchen. I met Loki's gaze with a subtle smirk and turned away before anyone would notice. As he sat down beside his brother I noticed the chair beside him was empty, and I made a quick move towards it before anyone else would take it.

I noticed a twitch in the corner of Loki's mouth as I sat down beside him. My chair was at the head of the table and ensured that I wasn't completely beside him, but it was close enough. I made sure to ask Loki to pass me the salt or pepper, and as he handed them over our hands would graze. It may have been a simplistic gesture but it never failed to make Loki's mouth twitch and threaten to make his cold exterior falter. I stifled a laugh at the way he would fight to remain stoic, and I took it upon myself to playfully try and break his exterior. Whilst Pepper told us of the work she was doing in L.A. Loki brushed his hand up my leg under the table, it drew further up and I was forced to gently push it away. I smirked as I saw the twitch in his lips again and I squeezed his hand. He responded by interlacing our fingers and resting our hands on his knee, out of sight from the rest of the housemates. My heart fluttered, and I could feel my mouth threatening to form a wide grin, I bit my tongue to keep it at bay.

"The game is on in a couple of minutes." Tony stated, looking at his watch.

"What?" Pepper looked at him in confusion.

"The football game, we're gonna watch it on the widescreen." Steve answered as he got out of his chair, collecting the empty plates and going to put them by the sink.

"Oh Tony don't." Pepper pleaded agitatedly. "I'm only back for a few more days! You're not just going to spend our time together watching football." Tony looked down at her disappointedly, like a child who had just been told they couldn't have any candy.

"It's only an hour, and then you can have Tony all to yourself." Clint interjected and winked before helping Steve clear the table.

Pepper looked down defeated, "Fine, I guess it's just you and me Nat."

Loki's grasp around my hand tightened and I could tell we were thinking the same thing.

_'Well there goes my plans for the evening.'_

* * *

Pepper and I joined the guys in front of the widescreen, despite my distaste for meaningless sports and television. I was content with partaking in athletic games, but I could never comprehend the appeal of watching them, what was so entertaining about observing from the sidelines, when being in the midst of action was the best part? Bruce also showed little interest in the game, but endured it any way. Pepper and I found amusement in the excitable cries that arose from the guys whenever the opposing team scored. Steve seemed to be most immersed in the game, his shouting at the screen was loudest, even louder than Thor's, but that may be due to the fact that Thor was still seemingly confused by the whole concept of American football.

Loki entered the room halfway through and as expected he took his seat in the corner to read. I wondered why he didn't read in his room where it would be quieter and Clint's enraged screaming of profanities at the wide screen wouldn't continuously distract him. I cocked my head to the side to look at him, the dim lighting only provided a vague viewing of him, but I could make out the features of his face, the cheekbones that were so sharp I was sure he could cut someone with them, his thin lips that had traced my body and left me breathless, and his unforgettably green eyes that glistened as they studied the pages in front of him. He was a sight to behold.

A sudden cry from Tony caused him to look up from his reading and he raised an eyebrow at the peculiar behaviour. I smirked at his snarky reaction and met his gaze from across the room, and he looked back at me and softened his features, releasing a gentle smile. I slowly turned my gaze back to the game, as I realised I had been staring at the god for quite some time. As the guys focused on the game and Loki returned to his reading I took the time to reflect on what I was doing, and whom I was doing it with.

Loki, The God of Lies, the man who had invaded New York meaning to rule it and rid us of freedom. Loki, the man who abducted Clint's mind, and toyed with it, forced him to do unspeakable things. He threatened to use Clint to kill me. He called me a whining cunt, and he killed thousands. But he took my breath away with a single touch. How could it be possible for me to have feelings towards someone so masochistic? I was conflicted, and only then was I coming into terms with the reality of the situation. Loki was the villain, the prisoner, and I would be disregarded as emotionally compromised if anyone were to find out. I was playing a dangerous game, and I knew it. Maybe that was what captivated me to Loki, the danger. Not the danger of being caught but the danger of him, he had a gruesome past and I found it enticing, the way he had moaned in pleasure as I had scraped my nails down his back had filled me with excitement and desire.

But I was able to push his foul qualities aside and see him for who he really was, injured, broken, a man who had been lied to all of his life, and had his identity ripped away from him in a matter of moments. He was right to be vengeful, he was right to be hurt. In the end, he had only acted on his emotions, his father had given him the identity of a monster and that is what he became. And now he was able to remove his coldness, to tear down the walls he had built and confess that he loved me, and I couldn't return the emotion. I felt like a robot, a cold machine, void of any emotion. I had been built, sculpted to be stoic, to be heartless, I had been taught to think from only my brain and natural instincts, I had been taught to disregard my hearts emotions. I had only ever been in love once. At least I thought it was love. It was difficult to determine which memories were real and which were the fake ones that the Redroom had brainwashed into my mind.

A collection of cries snapped me back into reality, and I looked up to see Steve and Clint chest bumping and Thor and Tony clapping each other on the back, their faces ecstatic from victory. I looked at the widescreen to see that their team had won during the time I spent in contemplation. I stifled a laugh at the emotion on their faces, a mix of joy, excitement and achievement. Pepper clapped her hands in amusement and Tony reached down to pull her up, wrapping his arms around her and smiling uncontrollably. I was bewildered by the amount of happiness it brought them to have observed strangers winning game, but I didn't question it too much. Steve patted me on the back and let out an audible sigh, I turned to look at him as he grinned at me.

"What did you think to the game?" He was breathless from the victory cries.

"It was alright." I smiled, concealing the fact that for a majority of the game my thoughts had been centred on Loki.

"One of these days, Romanoff, I'm gonna get you into sports." He laughed and fell back onto the couch.

"Good luck with that." Clint interjected sarcastically with a grin.

"Well, I'm off for bed." Steve pulled himself up from the couch and moved for the door. "Good night!" He waved his hand sleepily behind him and disappeared behind the corner.

Tony and Pepper left not long after that and Bruce followed suit. Clint and I cleared away the wine glasses and bottles whilst Thor went to rouse his brother from his reading. Thor, Loki, Clint and I all went upstairs for our bedrooms after everything was cleared away in the sitting room. It was pointless for me to be going to my room, because I knew I would end up creeping downstairs to seek Loki out.

"Good night, my friends." Thor said in his attempt at a hushed tone, it was futile with the deepness that his voice naturally possessed. He nudged his brother slightly who placed a fake smile over his lips and coldly wished Clint a good night. Clint tensed his jaw and turned to say good night to me before he left for his room.

"Sleep well, Ms Romanoff." Loki's voice was cold, had it not been for my ability to sense a lie, his voice would have sent an unnerved shiver down my spine. His acting was good, but I could still sense the care behind his words.

I put on a cold exterior towards him, and lifted my chin before turning to my room without another word. I closed my door on them and went to sit on my bed, I would wait or an hour or so for everyone to fall asleep and then I would creep downstairs to meet him. I knew that I didn't have to, I knew that I had the strength to refrain from seeing him, but I didn't have the strength to hurt him, and besides, I enjoyed the time we spent together and I wanted to seek him out.

* * *

1:02 Loki's door opened and closed, I looked up from the book I was reading and waited. Sure enough his feet made their way to my door, he opened it without hesitation or knocking, it didn't really bother me, I was just pleased to see him. In silence I put down my book and rose from my chair. Loki stepped towards me and grasped my face in his hands, locking his lips against mine as if they had been apart for centuries. I moved my hands into his hair, my preferred area, and ran my fingers through his locks. His hands stroked down my neck and down to my waist. His tongue worked against mine barely taking time to breathe, we clung to each other as if we hadn't seen each other in years, but it had only been hours.

"Come with me." He whispered, and he pulled away gently.

"What?" He took my hand and led me out of the room without another word. We stopped in the entrance hall and Loki went to grab our coats. "We're going to the park?"

"Where else?" He whispered in my ear as he held my coat up for me and I slid my arms into it. "I have a gift for you."

He moved towards the door and looked back at me flashing a toothy grin. He swung the door open revealing a wonderland of snow. Whiteness blanketed the whole driveway and for miles onwards, and white flakes of snow descended from the sky. I let out an involuntary gasp at the beauty of it, and Loki merely widened his grin. He held out his hand for me once more and led me out to the porch.

"Loki, this is…" I couldn't fathom a sentence that would describe how I felt.

"You didn't get a chance to truly enjoy it last time, now that you have your coat, shall we go for a walk?" He closed the door behind me and we walked down to the gates, passing the shivering guards as we did so. As soon as the gates closed behind us, Loki grabbed my hand and we walked together through the deep snow. The air pinched at my cheeks and caused my breath to be visible when I spoke, and Loki would smirk at the sight of it each time. We sat at our usual spot on the bench in the park, and Loki brushed the snow off before we sat down.

"Why did you do it?" I asked, and I nestled into his body, he looped his arm around me pulling me closer. I never felt more comfortable or safe.

"The snow?" His words vibrated through his body next to me, and I nodded in reply. "I like to see you smile."

My heart fluttered at his response, Loki had a knack for romance. He knew exactly how to reel me in, but it wasn't as if I would refuse him. In fact, in the time I spent with Loki, I had been the happiest I had been in a long time. I nuzzled into his body for warmth; though he still kept a cold temperature just being close to him could warm me up.

* * *

We sat for a while, watching the snow glide in heavy flakes around us, the sight was truly enchanting. Loki's breathing fell into the same pattern as mine, and our chests rose and fell together and I leant beside him. A half an hour or so passed in silence, but it was a comfortable silence, our hands clasped together tightly and my head rested on his shoulders. I tried to think about my feelings towards him, as I couldn't quite understand them. I had never felt such a way towards someone in my life, and even my Ex-husband Alexei had never conjured such a feeling. With Loki I could feel safe but vulnerable at the same time, his embrace made my heart flutter and my stomach warm with the comfort his touch elicited. I looked back on the memory of our first kiss with a small smile, I remembered how confused he had left me, how inexplicably satisfied I had felt, though I had daren't admit it then. In hindsight, the way Loki had been on my mind so much, keeping me from sleeping, managing to bring me back to the sitting room, into his company each night, I had had feelings for him longer than I had expected. But the problem was that I couldn't place those feelings. I knew he loved me, and that had made me gleam with felicity, but I didn't know if  _I_  could love him. I had accepted his past wrongdoings, and I could ignore his bloodthirsty and pernicious history, because I had such a history also.

As if he had read my mind and heard my confliction, Loki stiffened, and I looked up at him curiously. His face was hard, but his eyes were withdrawn, he was in a world of his own, dealing with his own thoughts.

"What's wrong?" I took his hand back into mine, tangling our fingers affectionately.

"Do you love me Natalia?" His gaze lingered on the frozen pond in front of us, and his hand was loose and feeble in mine.

"Loki, I…" I started awkwardly. My voice was quiet and wavering.

"I understand." He whispered, bowing his head lugubriously, he pulled his hands away from mine and I felt my heart drop as he did so. I wanted to kick myself, hit myself until I could tell him I loved him, but I could never lie to him. "I know that with your past you may find it difficult to give your heart to someone entirely."

"Why did you tell me you love me if you knew I wouldn't return the feeling?"

"I thought you should know." Loki softened his voice and put his hands back into mine, bringing a glad smile to my face. He smirked and leant into me again. "And besides, it is hard to keep such feelings to ones self when one is in your presence, love cannot be contained."

"Have you ever been in love before?"

"I have lived many years Natalia, I have come across the emotion once or twice." He chuckled as I stiffened from his answer. "However, many have been a passing fancy, on many occasions I believed myself to be in love, but it was nothing more than I pretty face or a distraction. You've never loved anyone?"

"I've never met anyone worth such an emotion, at least I don't think so. My ex-husband Alexei, when he was presumed dead I was broken, but it's hard to determine what feelings were real and what feelings were scientifically produced. So I've always disregarded love as a being real."

"You don't believe in it?"

"Love is for children, you know that's what I think."

"I think that you don't know what love is, you've never been in love, well, not certainly, so how can you truly know when you are?" His arm tightened around me reassuringly and he finished his sentence with a kiss on my head.

"From everything I've heard, from the films, the books, the sonnets, doesn't love just jump up on you, and then you just know?"

"If love was so sudden I would constantly be on edge." He chuckled heartily. "My love for you was not sudden, it crept up on me until I could bear it no longer, and that is when I kissed you for the first time, but at a certain point, yes, you just know." I remembered our first kiss fondly, a smile played on my lips, threatening to grow into a grin.

"So you think that I love you, but I just don't know it yet? How modest." I said teasingly, I tilted my head back to kiss his soft lips and snuggled into him.

"You of all people know I've never been one for discretion." He grinned smugly and lifted my chin up to kiss me again. I was amazed that we could have such a discussion, yet be completely casual. "What matters is that I love you, and if you're comfortable with that."

"Do you really think I wouldn't be?" I chuckled and reached to kiss him again, my lips hit his teeth as he grinned at my question. He closed his lips around mine and let his tongue explore my mouth, slowly and softly. My hands stroked his neck and I turned to face him properly.

"Natalia…" He moaned between every kiss, the sound of my real name on his lips made me want him more and I held him closer. My hands explored his hair, never getting tired of the soft curls entangled around my fingertips. My elbow slipped on the metal that was frozen and icy, causing me to jolt to the side bringing Loki with me.

"Perhaps we should return?" Loki grinned.

* * *

We walked back to the mansion, our hands clutching one another. It wasn't until we entered the house that I realised just how cold I had been. From the better lighting I could perceive the purplish colour in my hands and my face tingled from the sudden change in temperature. Loki took my hand in his and rubbed them together tenderly, we crept back upstairs and paused outside my door.

"Would it be so audacious to ask if I may have your bed tonight, Natalia?" he asked and smiled softly. The dim glow of the corridor lights could not disguise the desire in his eyes.

Without an answer I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him into me, my lips pressed firmly against his. He smiled at my acceptance and reached his arm to open the door, meanwhile still maintaining our kiss. We stumbled into my room together, and I made sure to lock my door behind me before making my way to the bed. I stood in front of Loki as he sat on the bed, and I moved my legs to straddle him, kissing his neck and bunching his thick locks in my clasp. It didn't take long for me to lose my clothes, especially with Loki's aid and he removed his own not long after I was done. Without a second thought he pulled me down to the bed where he moved on top of me, entangling our bodies. Our mouths explored each other's skin, finding new sweet spots and ways of pleasuring the other. Each time our lips separated from each other's skin a raspy moan was released, it would only make the situation more enticing. Each gasp of raspy breath was my own way of begging him to be inside me.

"Loki." His name was all I could muster, and he smirked at my painful desire and pushed into me. The both of us let out a guttural moan as he moved in deeper. My hands scratched the back of his neck in pleasure. He moved slowly and gingerly at first, teasing me until I was ripe with torment. He smirked devilishly and pushed deeper into me, provoking a ragged gasp in pleasure. He began to move faster, and with each thrust he would bring my body to spasms, my back arched in sheer delight. He moved faster, rabid and lustful. I clung to him for dear life, fearing I would die of pleasure. Our bodies began to work together, quickening in pace until our motions generated a rather savage nature, our breathing was heavy and the libidinousness of our actions caused us to sweat in the sweltering heat we each gave off, and our bodies stuck together from the beads of perspiration that formed on our skin.

Loki flipped over so that I was atop him. I moved my hips up, drawing him out of me agonizingly slowly, he writhed in pleasure and desperation, and I could see it in his eyes, the momentary display of vulnerability, I held all the power in this position. I paused for moment, watching him breathing heavily, groaning softly in anticipation, before I moved my body back down. The motion formed a brief cry to escape my lips, and I resumed the movement, relishing the feeling of him inside of me. Loki moaned all the more as he lifted his body to sit up, wrapping his arms around me and clasping onto whatever his hands could find in his trance of euphoria. His lips found my neck, he kissed it cravingly, and releasing his warm breath with every shockwave our intimacy sent through each of our bodies. I moved my hips up and down wildly, clutching his shoulders for balance. I felt his warm breath on my chest as he moved his lips to my breasts, working magic with his tongue once more. The pace quickened even more as we drew near to our pinnacle, feeling it approaching Loki clutched me tighter to him, his hands moved to my thighs where he guided them up and down ferociously, growling in satisfaction. I threw my head back with an impulsive cry as my body convulsed from reaching my climax, in doing so I sent Loki over the edge and he jerked in rapture and came inside of me. We froze for a moment, our bodies shaking and our breathing ragged. My whole body was slick in sweat and my throat was dry from the slew of cries that I had made. Loki looked me in the eyes, a wild grin spread across his face and he swiftly brought his lips to mine, crashing them together in a fierce kiss, signifying our completion.

I fell back onto the bed, the sheets rippling around my naked body, Loki remained sat up, his breathing was laboured and his body moved with each inhale and exhale. He turned his head back to face me, grinning wickedly, and he slipped down to lay beside me, resting on his elbow.

"You truly astound me, Natalia."


	11. Wipe Away Your Tear Stains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki's sentence on Midgard is to be looked over by Thor and Odin, and the prospect of losing Loki, the only man who has made her feel truly safe, hits Natasha harder than expected.

 

My dreams consisted of surrealistic replays of the previous days events, recalling the touch of his lips on my bare skin, but the memories were withdrawn and I could tell they were only the work of my subconscious. My mind summarised our conversations on the bench, but our words were nothing but a low murmur as my dreams paid closer attention to the beauty of the park and the moonlight glistening off the ice and snow.

My eyes fluttered open, I smiled at the fact that I had risen from the best sleep I had had in five months, and that I had dreamt something that didn’t scare me half to death. I gazed over to my clock on the bedside table, 8:30 AM. A grin spread across my face and I turned over to find Loki’s body. My heart sank as I found the bed empty, though it had made sense for him to leave early, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of disappointment. I stepped out of bed lethargically, my eyes still adjusting to the brightness of the sunlight, brighter than usual. I slipped on my robe moved towards the window to draw my curtains, revealing a bright white landscape. The snow still remained set outside, and my lips restored the previous grin at the glorious sight. The view lifted my spirits and I stepped back to take it all in. Loki’s romantic gestures would never cease to make my heart flutter.

As I stepped back I felt two wet arms curl around me, he was warm from the heat of his shower, but I still instantly knew it was him.

“I thought you had left.” I murmured and I relaxed into his dripping wet arms.

“But I didn’t.” His voice was a soft whisper in my left ear, I felt his mouth stretch into a wide grin and he chuckled releasing his breath down my neck. “That would have been the sensible thing to do.”

“Did you sleep?” My eyes still gazed at the paper white prospect out my window.

“Perfectly so, in your arms it is hard not to.” His arms tightened around me from behind and I clasped at his hands.

“And you helped yourself to a shower?” I chuckled.

“I roused from my sleep early, I did so wish to share a shower with you, but I ran out of things to do.” He said with a deep chuckle and kissing my neck softly with wet lips.

“Well, I’m going to have one now, and then maybe we can go down for breakfast?” Loki released me from his hold, his hand still clutching mine as I began to walk away. His fingers slipped away as I moved towards the bathroom door, I paused as I reached the doorway and tilted my head back to face him. He was clad in nothing but a small white towel and water droplets, his long black hair was straggly and strands fell before his face. Even post-shower I could never grow tired of looking at my divine lover. “How about a second shower?”

Loki smirked and stepped towards me, dropping his towel and letting me lead him back into the shower. I turned the handle that released the flow of hot water onto us, and Loki took my soaking body in his arms, kissing me as the water streamed down our lips. His hands explored my body, and I felt him go hard. I smirked, knowing what he wanted, and I let my hand run down his torso onto his crotch, my hands movement educing soft groans from Loki’s mouth as it worked on my neck. Loki responded to my actions by letting his hands roam between my legs, his fingers moving against me slowly, evoking moans and gasps to escape my lips. I let out a low and throaty cry as his fingers hit my sweet spot and moved into me. I moved my hand faster, returning the favour and with his free hand Loki clasped the back of my neck and reached in for another kiss. His fingers worked their magic between my legs. We reached our climax simultaneously, the both of us letting out a hushed moan of orgasm from each other’s sensual touch. The water washed over us and I could see through the heavy falling water, Loki’s wide grin etched on his charming face. He reached in for one final kiss before stepping out to dry himself. I finished in the shower with washing my hair, and stepped out shortly after.

We stood together, shrouded in the steam from the shower and wrapping towels around ourselves. Loki gazed down at my form, adorned in only a white towel; he licked his lips and looked me up and down.

“You are the most beautiful woman on this earth, Natalia.” He whispered sincerely, and I resisted the urge to pull off his towel and ravish him on the bathroom floor.

* * *

We dressed and left my room gingerly, checking if anyone would see Loki leave with me. The corridor was still darkened, leading me to believe that no one was awake yet, easy to believe after the excitement the evening prior. Loki and I made our way to the kitchen hand in hand, it felt strange to do so in broad daylight, someone could easily emerge at any given moment and discover us, but the house was silent and everyone was yet to rouse from their bedrooms. Loki assisted me in making breakfast, though he was unfamiliar with utensils and the concept of cooking itself, he gladly handed me the ingredients.

It was around nine O’clock when the sounds of movement upstairs could be heard. Steve was the first one down.

“Would you believe it?” He exclaimed as he approached from down the hall, his arms gesturing to the windows that presented the snow-covered garden. “Snow! In October!” He halted in the doorway as he noticed Loki preparing coffee, his eyes wide in confusion, as if Loki were some rare sight, he actually might have been, seeing as he was rarely caught in the kitchen so early. Steve looked around the room to see if anyone else was present, his bafflement only growing as he found only the two of us.

“Morning, Cap.” I smiled nonchalantly, as if the situation was completely normal. Steve eyed Loki and looked back at me, as if to ask ‘What’s going on?’ I merely shrugged as if I was just as confused as he was, I couldn’t let on that Loki and I had come to the kitchen together. “I’m making waffles, do you want any?”

Steve hesitated before moving further into the kitchen, he dropped his bewildered expression and smiled. “Do you even need to ask?” He grinned and reached for a plate. “Loki.” He nodded his head in Loki’s direction with an awkward smile.

Loki bowed his head in a greeting and offered Steve a mug of coffee, to which Steve accepted and examined sceptically before taking a cautious sip. Thor was next to enter, he approached the kitchen hurriedly, his eyes wide in alarm.

“My friends, Loki is not in his room, have you-” Thor stopped mid sentence as his frantic gaze met his brothers, and he furrowed his brow in confusion just as Steve had. “Brother?”

“Sleep well did you brother?” Loki asked with a sardonic smile.

“When I could not rouse you from your chambers, I assumed you had…”

“Run away?” Loki finished, he lifted and eyebrow at his brother. “Your faith in me is truly unyielding.” The sarcasm dripped from his words and Steve and I exchanged awkward glances.

“Brother you know what I meant.” Thor spoke reassuringly. “It is unlike you to be awake so early without me to draw you out of your room.”

“Loki’s been helping me with breakfast.” I interjected, jumping to Loki’s aid. Steve eyed me questioningly. “He’s quite the sous chef.”

“Ms Romanoff has been kind enough to make us breakfast, brother. Waffles I believe.” Loki handed Thor a plate and poured him a cup of coffee with a smile. “It would be courteous to thank her, would it not?”

Thor’s crease in his brow deepened in confusion and disbelief. “I… Thank you my lady Natasha.”

I waved a batter-covered spoon at him. “Thor, please just call me Natasha.” I smiled and returned to making the breakfast. I stifled a laugh at the awkwardness of the situation, and as soon as my back was turned I let a huge grin spread across my lips.

“Yes, my apologies, Natasha. Brother, it is good that you are so helpful, father will be pleased to hear of this.”

“You’re going to see him?” Loki asked. From the corner of my eye I could notice how he tensed up at the thought.

“Later today I go back to Asgard briefly, to discuss your sentence of Midgard. But first we go to visit more construction sites and injured civilians.”

I saw how Loki opened his mouth to speak from the corner of my eye, but the entrance of Tony with Pepper on his arm and Bruce following slowly behind interrupted him.

“Natasha, you’re awake?” Tony asked confusedly. “Well you’re gonna want to go tell Clint that, he’s been stood outside your door, knocking away to wake you up!” He laughed and Pepper grinned beside him. I rolled my eyes at the thought of Clint waiting outside my door for god knows how long.

“Jarvis, tell Clint I’m downstairs please.”

“Right away Ms Romanoff.”

“And you made breakfast again!” Bruce beamed as he went to take a plate, Tony and Pepper followed suit. I motioned for everyone to take a seat at the table, and Loki helped me bring the plates and cutlery to it, educing questioning looks and raised eyebrows from the rest of the household. Clint entered the kitchen with a wide smile and went to pat me on the shoulder.

“You slept well?”

“Perfectly.” I smiled, and I heard a small breathy snigger from Loki beside me.

“Glad to hear it.” Clint grinned and I offered him a plate.

We all took our seats at the table, once again I made sure to take a seat next to Loki. As we ate he would rub his leg against mine or let his hand wonder up my leg, attempting to elicit a reaction, but I remained stoic, suppressing a smile or even a slight squirm. Looking at Loki you wouldn’t notice any amusement, his face remained hard and looked to be deep in thought, you would never have guessed that his hands was travelling up my thighs.

Thor and Loki took their leave after they had finished their breakfast, going to the town car outside to take them to the construction sites as part of Loki’s punishment. Steve and Bruce cleared the table as I maintained a conversation with Pepper before Tony would take her away for himself.

* * *

Clint and I left for a run two hours later, the guards gave me a wary glance as I passed them by and I shot them both a hard look. We went on our usual route, around the park a few times and then making our way to the café nearby for lunch. We were lucky to have the sidewalks cleared of snow, as we wouldn’t have been able to run otherwise. We entered the café and took small table inside.

“Steve told me that Loki was helping you with breakfast this morning.” Clint stated as the waitress served us.

“Yeah, so?”

“So, why do think he was doing that? A bit out of character don’t you think?”

“Maybe he’s just trying to exhibit good behaviour, isn’t that a good thing? And you know, like the whole point of a prison sentence?”

“But do you really think he’d change that easily? After everything he did, everything he said, do you really think he can come back from that?”

“I did.” I reminded him. “Sure Loki’s got a fucked up past, so do I and here I am, righting my wrongs and standing firm.”

“Yeah, but you had me.” I raised an eyebrow at his response.

“And because I had you, I’m suddenly better off?” I smirked and sipped on my coffee.

“No, but because you had a friend.” Clint was softer in his tone, and I looked up from my lunch to see him gazing back at me. “You had someone to confide in, to help raise you from the shit you had gotten yourself in. Now, I’m not saying I’m the reason for your betterment, but I played a good part in getting you back on your feet.” He wagged his knife at me before going back to his food.

“Maybe that’s what Loki needs, a friend.” Clint lifted his head up with a frown, blatantly disturbed by the notion.

“And who do you think is going to want to be that poor soul? Stuck with the dick who tired to destroy Manhattan!”

“Why should it be any different from my situation? I wasn’t exactly welcoming to your advances for a friendship.”

“You didn’t take over anyone’s mind and force them to kill people.” Clint whispered through gritted teeth, making sure nobody would hear our unusual conversation.

“He’s really not that bad once you get to know him.” I blurted out without a second thought.

“And how would you know?” Clint asked, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible.

“He was pretty nice this morning.” I replied, not telling Clint about the numerous nights we had spent talking and getting to know each other. “And besides, getting on our good sides is in both our interests, the better he comes across the sooner he’ll be sent back to Asgard.” I stopped as I realised what I was saying, remembering that Loki could be going back to Asgard soon. Thor’s mention of going back today had suddenly registered and my heart sank at the prospect. Subconsciously I had just assumed he’s be staying for much longer and maybe forever. I hadn’t thought about the reality of how our affair would most likely be short lived.

“I suppose you’re right, but I’m still not playing nice with the bastard, I’ll just stay out of his way.”

* * *

We finished our lunch and returned to the mansion, all the while Clint jabbered on about missions and S.H.I.E.L.D. but I barely listened, only nodding my head when it was appropriate. My mind was overwhelmed with melancholy at the idea of Loki leaving, I would have no one to talk to at night, no one to walk with, comfort me. The only thing keeping the possibility of tears at bay was the possibility of an extended sentence.

Clint and I separated and each went for a shower, I stood alone as the water poured over me, remembering how good it had felt to have Loki beside me that morning. I dressed again and dried my hair before making my way downstairs and to the basement where the shooting range was located. The shooting range was dark and quiet, detached from the rest of the house. I usually went down there with Clint, and he would work on his archery as I worked on my shooting, not that it ever really needed much practice, which is why we never really went down there. But there was something therapeutic and relaxing about shooting the targets, it was a way of venting and releasing anger, other than beating a punching bag.

I shot at the target multiple times, first aiming at the head, then the heart, the heart again, then the groin and then back to the heart four more times. I paused for a moment, my eyes teary and distorting my view of the target. I fired the gun again, and again, repeatedly hitting the area for the heart, eventually rupturing the plastic that formed the targets shape. I set the gun down and rested my hands on the ledge in front of me, I was frustrated to be so torn up about the idea of Loki leaving, why did it make me so angry, so miserable to think about him leaving.

I felt a presence of someone behind me, and before I could turn around Loki’s cold arms wrapped around me from behind like they had earlier that morning.

“You should never creep up on someone with a gun.” I murmured.

“You knew it was me.” He whispered into my ear.

“You’re lucky I have a good sense of awareness.” I smirked. His presence filled the empty feeling I had had prior to his arrival in the shooting range.

“I’m lucky to have you.” His arms tightened around me and he nuzzled into my neck, kissing my shoulders.

“Someone could come down at any minute.”

“Nobody ever does.” He reminded me, and moved his lips to behind my ear.

“Has Thor gone back to Asgard?” I couldn’t contain my anxiety anymore. Loki pulled his lips away from my skin and sighed.

“He returned to Asgard not long ago, but he assured me he would return by nightfall with the verdict of my sentence.” His voice was a whisper, revealing his uneasiness on the matter.

“And if you’re to go back? What then?” I tried my best to keep my voice from breaking, but my eyes began to tear up once more, and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.

“If I am called back to Asgard… then I must go.” Loki released his grasp from my waist and took a step back. I turned to look at him, my eyes glistening from the tears that threatened to fall from them. Loki tensed his jaw, his own eyes glistening as well.

“I understand.” I said softly under my breath, fighting to keep the tears back. “If there’s anywhere that you truly belong, it’s Asgard, your home.”

“Asgard is not my home, it is my prison.” Loki corrected me coldly. “If there is anywhere I truly belong, it is by your side.”

“You know you don’t belong with me, I’m just a mortal, a ‘Midgardian’.” I stepped back, my face hurt from the strength I was using to fight back the tears.

“No, no, no you are much more than that.” Loki took a long step towards me, cupping my face in his hands. “You are more than a mortal, you are… something else. You are my love, the woman who has truly bewitched me. My pauchok. My little spider. ” He firmly pressed his lips to mine, his tears cascading down his cheeks and onto our lips, prompting mine to overflow and do the same. He held me there for a moment, our lips locked in a passionate kiss, and for that moment I lost the thought of his possible departure, I lost the prospect of more lonely nights to come. I was immersed in his embrace, for that moment, nothing could hurt me. But when he drew his lips away the realisation and all the emotions came crashing back. He rested his forehead on mine, his hands still holding my neck. Hushing me comfortingly with every quiet sob that escaped my lips. All effort in fighting it was gone, I let the tears flow freely from my eyes and Loki rubbed my back in comfort.

* * *

When we had composed ourselves, Loki and I emerged from the shooting range and back upstairs. My eyes were still blotchy from the tears, and I inwardly kicked myself for getting so worked up. Loki could always have an extended sentence, though I wasn’t sure if that was good news for him. I remembered how he had wanted to go back to Asgard, before we kissed, before he told me he loved me, how he had bargained with the lives of my friends. Had he changed his mind since then?

I couldn’t lose him, I knew that much. Loki was my first chance at happiness since the battle against the Chitauri, and as ironic as it was that the man who caused my depression and bad dreams was also the man that could cure it and make me feel whole, I knew I couldn’t lose him. I hated myself for relying on him so much, and I hated myself for having such feelings towards him. I was The Black Widow, the temptress that could purge a man of all of his secrets and motives with just a bat of an eyelash, the woman who could take down two fully grown men with ease, hell four at the least. I wasn’t supposed to form an attachment with the bad guy. I wasn’t supposed to form an attachment with anyone. Yet here I was, crying over the prospect of him leaving, I never cried, it just wasn’t something I did. So why was I crying?

We paused outside the door to my room, the corridor was empty, Bruce and Steve were busy in the kitchen, Clint was Likely to be in the gym or his room and Tony and Pepper were likely to be out together, making the most of the time they had before Pepper went back to L.A. Which is exactly what Loki and I should have been doing, if only we didn’t have to keep our relationship a secret.

“You should get some rest, Natalia.” Loki brushed his hand against my cheek, his green eyes still glistening. “I need some time to think by myself.”

He took my face in his hands and kissed me again, I wrapped my arms around him, savouring the moment while it lasted. He pulled me closer to him, his hand on my neck and fingering my hair as his other hand moved down my back. I ran my hands through his hair as I usually did, the feel of it perked something in me and I felt happier, the memory of our first kiss, when I had yielded and given into temptation, running my hands through his hair, it all came back to me, evoking a warmth to pool in my stomach.

Loki pulled away as a quiet sound was heard nearby, he jerked his head to the direction of the sound, but nothing was there.

“You should rest, maybe read a book. I will see you this evening.” He took my hand and kissed it lightly on top. “I love you, Natalia, whatever happens, never doubt that.”

Slowly he began to walk away, and I watched him as he returned to his room. I met his gaze as he turned to close the door behind him, and he gave me a weak smile and shut the door softly, leaving me with the feeling of emptiness once more.

I hesitated before opening my door, my hands felt weak as I turned the door handle, but I managed it nonetheless. As I entered the room, my eyes trailed across the floor, I couldn’t bear to look up at the bed where we had lay that night, or the bookshelf where he had regularly taken books to read. I shut the door and rested my forehead on the painted wood, my hand still clutching the handle and fighting the urge to open the door and run back to Loki, to jump into his arms and stay there forever. I had never felt safer than when I was with him, and the thought of losing him was scarier than I ever thought it would be. I let go of the handle with much force, and moved towards my bed. Not noticing the presence of Clint, as he sat on my armchair with his face in his hands, until I sat on my bed to face him. I jumped at the sight of him, and he lifted his head from his hands with a look of pure disappointment and anguish and I knew exactly what he was thinking, I knew he had heard everything from behind the door. My stomach twisted at the realisation, the truth was out, and there was no way I could talk my self out of the situation, not after everything I knew he had heard.

Clint looked at me disgruntled, his eyes piercing at me with anger.

“What has he done to you, Nat?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *pauchok- Little spider
> 
> Oh dear.  
> So I think there will only be another two chapters until this fic is over. (weeps)  
> BUT FEAR NOT!  
> There is a possibility of a sequel, I've had the idea for it for a while and as I've already written the next two chapters of this story out roughly, I have a vague idea of what to write. WHO KNOWS?  
> Anyways, tell me what you think of this chapter, what's going to happen now that Clint knows?  
> x


	12. Dangerous Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Clint discovering about Natasha's romance with the Trickster, and the pending news regarding Loki's stay on Midgard, Natasha's mind is overflowing with anxiety. In the process of all of this, a relationship could fall to pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was pretty hard to write...  
> It's the penultimate chapter (ERMAHGERD) and the next one will be a bit of a conclusion to the whole story.  
> I am definitely writing a sequel, now that I have figured out the ending to this fic, i feel like a sequel is needed.Anyways, enjoy the shipping feels. x

My heart pounded from the sudden adrenaline, the fear of being found out. The feeling numbed my senses and prevented me from making a quick excuse or explanation, instead I sat before my partner, my eyes wide in surprise and still watery from my previous tears. Clint watched me carefully, my lack of response only confirming his suspicions.

"Jesus, Nat." He whispered, bowing his head again in defeat. "Do you have  _any_  idea what you're doing?"

"I… Clint, I" My voice wavered, and I could barely release a comprehensible sentence.

"Well I sure as hell don't." He spat, his eyes returning to me, his anguish could not disguise the disappointment he felt, and my heart sank at the sight of it. "Care to enlighten me on this situation? Are you not even gonna say anything?"

"Clint." I swallowed the lump in my throat and began to explain, trying my hardest to keep my voice from breaking. "It's complicated." He snickered coldly at my ridiculous reply.

"So, what is it then? Do you love him?"

"No." I whispered, though it pained me to say so. We fell into a silence, and Clint fumbled his hands distractedly until he was first to speak.

"Are you sleeping together?" He looked up from his contemplation with a look of pure disgust. "Is that what it is?"

"It's not like that, he needs me." Clint snickered again and shook his head. "He loves me."

Clint laughed even louder this time, but the sound was laced with anger and frustration.

"You silly little girl." He uttered under his breath, and my jaw tightened in response. "You didn't think that he just said he loved you to get you into bed?"

"I'm cleverer than that Clint, you know how I can distinguish lies from the truth." I crossed my arms, removing the emotion from my face, but my cheeks still felt warm from the tears.

"He's The God of Lies Nat!" Clint rose from his chair in one swift movement. "He's had centuries of training for deceit! You think you can trust him?"

Clint's logic was sound, and part of me believed it to be true, but I knew, somehow, I knew Loki was earnest. The tears he had shed at the prospect of leaving, the way he would whisper my name as if it were the most valuable thing on the planet, it was no lie.

"Yes, I trust him completely." My voice was steady, and my words seemed to hit Clint like a ton of bricks, his face falling into complete realisation as I spoke.

"This is what you meant when you said he needed a friend, isn't it?" Clint recalled our conversation over lunch. "You telling me he's not all bad, can't you see how he's fucked with your mind?"

"You really think I'm so weak that I could be so easily swayed?" I rose to my feet defensively. "I hated him as much as you do right now, but I got to know him, and he's-"

"No, Natasha, No. He's nothing but a cold blooded killer and he's got you wrapped around his finger."

"Did that sound like a cold blooded killer to you?" I waved my hand towards the door where Clint had overheard my conversation with Loki.

"You're emotionally compromised, Nat." He muttered, shaking his head even more. "I'm calling S.H.I.E.L.D. and getting us out of this house and as far away from that pervert as possible."

"Don't you fucking dare, Barton." I stepped towards him threateningly.

"You're not thinking straight Nat!" He shouted, and I fought the urge to jump on him and claw at his infuriating face. "He's used his magic on you! Take a moment to think about what you're doing! You're The Black Widow, you're not someone who does this kind of thing!"

"I'm thinking just fine, Clint."

"I'm getting us out of this place, you're coming with me, OK?" Clint nodded towards me, as if to come across reassuring, but he only came off as infuriating. He grasped my wrists and began pulling me to the door, I thrashed in anger and twisted his arm back, but this time he was prepared for my defence and he grabbed my other arm, jerking me to the side. "I'm trying to help you, Nat." He yelled over my cried of pain. I bit his hand, burying my teeth into his flesh and eliciting a cry from him.

"Get the hell off of me!" I cried, he sat on top of me, his legs straddling me and pinning me down to the floor.

"What has he done to you Natasha?" Clint searched my eyes for a sign of hypnotisation, like the blue that had clouded his irises when he was under the Tesseracts spell.

My hands were pinned in place by Clint's firm hold, and despite my best efforts to free myself; I knew he had won this fight. I heard the door open behind me, and heavy footsteps rushed into my room.

"What the heck is going on here?" Steve's voice was like music to my ears, and Clint loosened his grip on my arms.

"Clint? What's happened?" Tony's voice followed Steve's, equally panicked and confused.

Clint gave me one last look of disappointment as he got up from on top of me, and I scrambled to my feet, resisting the urge to tackle him while he was distracted. As I looked up at the doorway I saw Tony, Steve and Bruce all huddled in the entrance sharing the same expression of horror and confusion. They eyed Clint, looking at the blood that dripped from where I had bitten his hand, and me as I wiped away the blood that stained my mouth.

"It's Natasha she's…" Clint looked at me with a saddened expression, and I gave him a look, one that begged him not to tell the others of my relationship with the demigod. I saw a faint look of understanding in Clint's eyes, and he turned back to the group. "She's not happy with me, she bet me that I couldn't tackle her to the ground, and I guess I proved her wrong." He chuckled falsely but it seemed to work on the others.

"Well remind me to never bet with a spy." Steve muttered and Tony chuckled along with him, only Bruce maintained a furrowed brow.

"What was all the shouting about?" He asked, still not completely satisfied with the story.

"Disagreement." I murmured with a fake smile. "Clint and I tend to get a little heated over certain discussions pretty easily.

"Evidently." Came his reply. "We could hear you all the way from the kitchen, though it we couldn't make out what you were saying, it sounded pretty heated."

I frowned a little, wondering why Loki had not come if we were loud enough to be heard from the kitchen, surely he would have heard our conversations more clearly from just down the hall?

"Dinners in ten minutes, you should come down to the kitchen." Steve announced as he and Tony and Bruce began to leave my room, Tony made sure to get a good look around before Steve pushed him out of the doorway. And Clint and I were left alone in my room once more.

"Thank you." I whispered, not fully turning to face him. "For not telling them."

"I'm not going to." He sighed dejectedly. "Loki will be gone soon, and in the meantime, I'm not letting you anywhere near him. Do you understand?"

"Clint…"

"Do you understand, Natasha?"

"I understand." I muttered. I knew in my heart that Clint was only trying to help, and I appreciated him for that. Clint moved to the door, but paused and turned his head back to face me.

"You're little boyfriend didn't come to help you, I guess that shows just how much he loves you." And he left, leaving me alone in my room. My head ached from the fight and my body was sore, but all that I could think about was what Clint had said, what if he'd been right, what if it was al just an enchantment cast by Loki, what if it was all just to get me into bed, to get on my good side so that he could have a shorter prison sentence. My mind delved into my hearts deepest fears; the idea of losing him was nothing compared with the idea that it was indeed all just a game.

* * *

I made my way downstairs for dinner; my head was heavy with the vast amount of thoughts and anxiety the days events had given me. Steve and Tony pottered around the kitchen, squabbling over the proper way to serve up the meal, on any other occasion I would have smirked, laughed or made a witty comment, but I couldn't.

My gaze found Clint who was sitting at the table with Bruce, enduring a long conversation about nuclear physics. He met my gaze with a small nod and looked back at Banner, my stomach twisted at the awkward interaction between us, I hated it when we were mad at each other. I took a seat at the table and sat in silence until Steve began to serve up our dinner.

"Jarvis, could you tell Loki to come to the dining room for dinner?" Clint stiffened at Tony calling out to his automated butler, noticeably uncomfortable with the idea of sitting with Loki at the table.

"Right away, Mr Rogers."

Loki entered the dining room not long after Tony had called for him, and the room's atmosphere went a little cold as the absence of his brother made matters more uncomfortable. Loki took a seat next to me, educing a deep scowl from Clint, and I noticed how he clutched onto his cutlery, desperately trying to fight the urge to stab a knife through Loki's chest.

"So, where's Pepper?" I asked, breaking the awkward silence that filled the room.

"Business meeting over dinner." Tony mumbled, stuffing his face with food.

"You didn't want to go?" Steve inquired finally sitting down to begin eating.

"Trust me, Pepper is far better at doing the front work, you know, the meetings, the conferences. I'm just the brain behind it all." He grinned proudly and went back to his plate.

Loki began to slip his hand up my leg, like he usually did at the dinner table, but I wasn't in the mood for it and I pushed it away without a hint of a smirk. Loki cocked his head towards me in surprise, raising an eyebrow. I didn't look at him; instead I kept my gaze at Tony as he filled us in on some story about working at Stark Tower, but I wasn't listening, my head was too busy, which I hated. I could usually compartmentalise my anxiety, hide it away while I pretended to focus on something else, but I couldn't do it this time, not while I had the possibility of losing the only man who could make me feel safe, and the possibility of losing my best friend over it all. I detached myself from the conversations around the dinner table, paying absolutely no attention to Tony's stories and not meeting Clint's glares. I bowed my head down to my plate and ate silently by myself, cutting everyone off was the only way I could make it through dinner. Loki slipped his hand back on my knee, and again I had to push it off before Clint would notice. I could see Loki's brow deepen in confusion from the corner of my eye, and my heart sank at the sight of it.

We finished dinner and the rest of the household remained seated at the table, still immersed in conversation, but I was eager to leave. I just wanted to go to my room and think, without Clint staring at me, without Loki to distract me. I dismissed myself from the table telling everyone that I wasn't feeling well.

"It wasn't my cooking was it?" Steve asked, looking genuinely worried.

"No." I laughed feebly. "It's just a headache, so I'm going to go lie down." I wasn't exactly dishonest about the headache; my mind was so full of thoughts it felt as if they were cramming up against my brain.

I got up from my chair and began to leave, Loki didn't get up, though I could tell he wanted to leave as much as I did, he knew that to leave at the same time as me would arouse slight suspicion, he remained seated, staring blankly at the wall, but I could feel his gaze on me as I turned my back, watching me as I moved from his sight. I hated Clint for putting doubts in my head, for making me question Loki's motives once more, but he had a point. Loki is the god of mischief, practiced in lying to get what he wants, even without his magic he is able to manipulate people into doing things they wouldn't usually do, and I couldn't help but wonder if he had manipulated me.

I paced my room for an hour or so; going over the issues I was faced with. At any given point Clint could tell the rest of the group about my affair with Loki, he had a knife dangling over my head by a piece of thread and I couldn't do anything to piss him off or he'd chop the thread and let it fall, he could ruin me.

_'Clint wont do that, he's your best friend.'_

I paced up and down, the floorboards creaking as I did so, two hours had passed since dinner, still no Loki, no Clint, nothing.

_"You're little boyfriend didn't come to help you, I guess that shows just how much he loves you."_  Clint's words rang out in my head.

_'Why didn't Loki come? He could hear me fighting with Clint, he must have heard everything, so why didn't he come?'_

I paced some more, my feet beginning to hurt after a while, and so I sat down on my bed, resting my face in my hands. This was too much. How could I have gone from being so happy, for the first time in months, to so distressed in a matter of hours. I knew my happiness would be short lived but this was ridiculous. I hadn't heard anyone come upstairs since I had, and I guessed that the guys had taken to the sitting room to watch the widescreen, but I was unsure about Loki's whereabouts. I grabbed a book from my bookcase, the stacks of books were thinning out as Loki accumulated the rest in his room after reading them, and decided to leave my to go downstairs. I wasn't going to keep to my room, Thor was returning that night and I wanted to be there when he did.

I entered the sitting room guardedly, Clint watched me as I did so, his eyes were dead, they held no happiness to see me, not anger towards me, his face was blank and it killed me to look back at him. My eyes found Loki, he sat in his armchair not noticing my entrance but instead focusing on the book in his hands, my book. I took a seat on the couch and draped a knitted maroon blanket over my shoulders and relaxed into the seat.

"Feeling better?" Bruce asked, looking away from a documentary on African wildlife and giving me a half smile.

"Not really." I murmured, smiling back at him faintly and then letting my eyes fall to the floor. I opened my book and tried to read. The words meant nothing, they went right over my head, as if there wasn't enough space left in my mind to comprehend the writing, but I kept reading nonetheless, distracting myself from thinking about the situation at hand.

My eyes drifted to the demigod in the corner, he hadn't looked up from his book since my arrival and I couldn't help but feel a slight twinge in my heart that his eyes had not yet met mine. I longed to see his beautiful emerald eyes, I longed to see them gazing into mine and making my heart skip a beat, but his eyes never left the page in front of him. I hadn't spoken to him since earlier that day, when I had cried in his arms. I knew he had heard me and Clint fighting, it was obvious, and he knew that I knew, so why hadn't he tried to speak with me? Why hadn't he asked if I was all right? He'd had plenty of time. I needed to speak with him; I needed to know for sure that what Clint had said was just Clint being naïve. I turned my head away from him, looking back at my book, but Clint caught my eye. I looked up at my partner, he glared in Loki's direction, and I had never seen him look at someone with so much hate. He noticed me glancing at him and pulled his gaze away from the trickster to look at me, I turned away and back to my book, internally hitting myself for the whole situation. Clint must have known I wasn't under an enchantment, I didn't say I loved Loki, if I had been under an enchantment, I would have said I was.

"Loki, Thor has requested your presence in the conference room." Jarvis' voice crackled up over the intercom and my stomach lurched with nerves. I hadn't even heard Thor come back, and by seeing the expressions of the rest of the group, neither had they.

Loki looked up from his book, his face painted in nerves and his eyes fluttered in my direction for the first time but they quickly pulled away. He placed the book down carefully on the table beside him and got up from his chair, the whole room was watching him. They all knew where he was going and why, they were probably hoping for the news that I was dreading. I wanted to go with him, how could I just wait, standing idly by whilst his fate was decided? But I knew I couldn't, I daren't, Clint wouldn't let me anyway, not that he had some sort of hold over me, but he was just looking out for me. As Loki moved out of view my stomach flipped with anxiety, and then he was gone.

* * *

It felt as if I had been waiting an eternity, my mind was restless, never giving up on theories as to what could be being discussed in the conference room. I tried to watch the documentary that Bruce was making everyone watch, but my brain wouldn't cooperate. After some time I got up to go to the kitchen, and as I left the room I could tell Clint was planning on following me, making sure I wasn't going to the conference room.

"Relax Clint, I'm just getting a drink." I said sharply as I walked down the hall, not bothering to turn back and face him. I heard the shuffle of his feet as he paced faster to catch up with my long strides, until we reached the kitchen and I made my way to the tap for some water.

"Nat, I'm sorry for hurting you earlier." His apology was seemingly genuine, but I shrugged it off. I couldn't deal with any social interactions, not with what was going on in my head. "Nat, I'm scared for you. You're playing a dangerous game with that guy."

"You think I don't know that?" I whipped around to face him, stopping in my tracks. "You don't think I knew what I was getting into?"

"What were you getting into? I mean, what is this Natasha?" I paused for a moment; I didn't know how to answer. I didn't know what it was. Clint noticed my hesitation and frowned. "Do you love him?"

"I've already told you the answer to that."

"Tell me again. Do you love him? Be honest with me Nat, I only want to help."

"You know how I feel about love, Clint." I murmured, looking down at the floor.

"So what is it that is forcing you to be with him?" Clint asked softly.

"Nothing, nothing is forcing me. I… I have feelings for him, he's different from what I thought he was."

"And what's that?"

"I thought he was a monster, cruel and hateful, but he's different, almost… human." Clint just laughed and shook his head.

"But he's not human, Nat. He's far from human, and he's here for a reason."

"I know what I'm doing. I know the repercussions of my actions, I know how this all might seem, but there is so much more than what meets the eye, so much more than what you might think."

"And what's that?'

"He loves me." Clint rolled his eyes and sighed deeply.

"I'm not having this conversation with you Nat. You know what I think, I've warned you enough." Clint turned to leave the room in a huff.

"I don't care what you think!" I blurted it out, I sounded petulant, idiotic, and it only made my anger rise.

"Just be happy it was me who found out about this! I wonder how the others would treat you if they knew you are fucking the guy who made their lives a living hell five months ago!" Clint strained his voice angrily, not talking loudly enough for the others to hear, and then he made his exit from the kitchen.

When Clint was out of sight I decided to make my way back also, I finished my glass of water and proceeded to the sitting room. I made a mental note to pick up my book and go to my room. I didn't want to be near Clint. Just his face was enough to get me angry. I entered the room and halted to a stop when I found Thor, clad in his traditional Æsir armor, standing over the rest of the group who sat on the couch listening intently to what he was saying, but Loki was no where to be found.

"Natasha, please sit. I bring important news from Asgard concerning my brother." He motioned towards a space on the couch, his face was serious and my legs almost buckled from the nerves. As soon as I was seated Thor began to speak again. "My father has judged my brothers situation here on earth, his improvements, his general behaviour, and he has ordered my brother to return home to Asgard to complete his sentence in his own chambers."

My heart ached at Thor's words, and my eyes threatened to fill with tears, but I kept a cool façade, not flinching at the idea that Loki was going.

_'What did you expect? Did you really think it would last?'_

"When will he be leaving?" Steve inquired, his voice was laced with subtle joy and it just hurt me all the more.

"Within the next few days, I wish to see my lady Jane Foster before I depart."

My heart lifted at the prospect of a few more days, it meant a few more moments to spend with him, and they would be precious.

"I'm going to bed." I announced as I rose from the couch, Clint watched me sceptically and I shot him an angered look.

The rest of the room called their good night's as I left the room, and I quickened my pace, urgent to get to Loki's room. I knew what I was going to do, I was going to make the most of the few moments we had left. I rushed up the stairs and down the corridor to his bedroom door, and knocked, even though I could enter with ease, I wanted to be courteous. Loki answered the door after another round of knocking, his face was stoic as he peered down at me.

"I suppose Thor has breifed you on his visit to Asgard."

"We have a few more days." I said with a relieved smile, but his face remained cold and glacial. I pushed past him and moved into his room, he turned as I did so, closing the door behind him. "I think we should make the most of it don't you?"

I clasped my hands on the back of his neck and reached up for a kiss on his icy lips. Loki's hands ligered around my waist for a moment but moved to my shoulders to push me away.

"You should leave." He whispered coldly.

"What?" I frowned in confusion, I didn't understand why he was being so withdrawn.

"You heard me, you should leave."

"Loki, what happened? What's wrong?"

"I go back to Asgard in a few days, I no longer have use of you." His words hit me hard, all of Clint's theories came rushing back to me, everything I had tried to deny.

"I don't understand."

"Of course you understand." He spat the words out like poison. "And now I am asking you to leave."

"Loki, what are you saying?"

"You know what I'm saying, are you that inane that you cannot comprehend the truth?"

I paused in contemplation. His cruelty coming from nowhere, it almost knocked me off my feet.

"You never loved me." I whispered in realisation, my chest felt as if it had a huge weight thrown onto it, I had to whisper to keep my voice from breaking.

"You never loved  _me_." He scoffed. I tried to search for the right response, but my mind came up blank. "You see, you cannot say it, even if it were a lie."

"I cared for you, I had feelings for you, I didn't know exactly what they were but I did!" I couldn't stop my voice from rising to a shout, and it wavered as it left my lips.

"You only cared for the human you saw in me." He snorted, each word taking a stab at my chest. "I heard your little conversation with Barton. Oh, how I wish I could show you the monster I really am, show you my true form and watch you scream."

"So what was I to you? Truly."

"You were a distraction. Something to help pass the time, though I must admit, getting you to latch on was harder than I had anticipated."

He moved in on me, his face cold and threatening, a small smirk of pleasure as he saw my distress. He had lied to me, the whole time it was just a way to get me into bed. The snow, the listening, the opening up to me, and it had all worked. All of his little tactics had worked on me, and I felt like such a fool for giving into him. Natasha Romanoff, The Black Widow, fell for the tricksters lies, fell prey to one of his cruel games. I composed myself instantaneously, regaining a stoic image. I knew just how to turn the tables on him.

"Then It's good that I didn't have any real feelings for you, or that would have hurt." Loki's face flickered with confusion before moving back to a determined scowl. "Thank you for opening up to me by the way, S.H.I.E.L.D. will find some of those stories quite useful, and they needed a good laugh in the office."

"You're lying." He tensed his jaw in anger, blatantly irritated that I was no longer saddned by his cruelty, but I was on the inside.

"Shield put me up to this, even the guys didn't know. You know, it's funny how predictable you were when faced with the opposite sex, how easy you were to unravel." I smirked and crossed my arms. "You may be the God of Lies Loki, but I've tricked you twice now, maybe it's time to rethink just how special you really are."

"You're lying." He repeated, his voice was cold and steady, laced with anger. I chuckled to myself and moved towards the door.

"No, I'm just better than you." I moved to leave the room and paused in his doorway, turning back to look at him one last time. "Thank you, for your coorperation." And with a smirk I turned to leave.

The moment my back was turned I dropped the act, my face falling into an expression of sheer horror and torment. It had all been a game, a wicked game. My heart felt like it had been splintered, a dagger shot right through it. I couldn't breath properly, and I rushed into my room, collapsing into a convustion of silent sobs. I hated him. I hated his disgusting smirk, his games, his lies. I hated the sight of my room, knowing he had been in there, slept in my bed, used my shower, sat in my chair, read my books. Everyting was tainted. I couldn't bear the sight of the room, but I couldn't leave, I couldn't see the smug look on Clint's face, I couldn't see the brother of the man who had torn out my heart and crushed it withing his cold fingers.

Torn out my heart and crushed it. That would imply he had some kind of hold over it. I held my breath as I realised. He did have a hold over it, he had the whole time. I loved him. I wasn't sure what love was, but I was certain I loved him, but it was nothing now, whatever was left of my heart was unable to rekindle that feeling. All that was left was resentment, anger and shame. I had fallen in love with him, and I knew the dangers, I knew deep down he wasn't to be trusted, but I followed my heart, ignored my insticts and got thrown in the gutter as a result. The Black Widow, the woman who can detect even a hint of a lie, and I fell for him, I fell for his deciete because it brought the possibilty of happiness. I was a fool. An utter fool.

I scrambled to my feet; I knew what I was going to do, if anything it would only strengthen the lie I had told Loki. I was going to get a job from S.H.I.E.L.D. I knew I couldn't stay in the mansion any longer, I needed to get away, a job would do me good. I reached for my phone and dialled the number for Fury. As the phone rang I wiped away the tears that streamed down my cheeks and steadied my voice.

"Fury? It's Romanoff."

"Agent Romanoff, is something wrong?"

"I need a case. Anything will do, just as long as it's out of the city, preferably out of the country." There was a hesitation at the other end of the line, and then Fury began to speak again.

"We have just the thing for you, Agent."


	13. Heartless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The concluding chapter to The Beauty of the Dark. Natasha completes her mission after her altercation with Loki, but he's still on her mind, despite how much she wants to resent him for what he did. Natasha isn't the only one left feeling a little disconcerted by the recent events.

It had been a week, a week of fighting, of tracking down criminals in St. Petersburg. Every punch, every kick to the groin, I imagined I was inflicting onto Loki. Every reaction I imagined was his own, and I could never wipe the smile off my face as I beheld the pain in the opponents eyes, imagining they were his. He never left my mind, with every day that passed he never left my thoughts. I hated him, I hated the thought of him, the memory of his touch that had once felt so good. Time had turned my sadness to bitterness, and my loathing of him only worsened.

It was apparent that something was wrong with me. Fury could tell I was worked up about something and even pulled me aside after three days on the mission.

“Agent Romanoff, is everything alright?” He stood over me as I sat of a small sofa and reloaded my guns.

“Everything is fine, why?” I spoke without turning my head away from what I was doing.

“You seem distracted.”

“Am I not working properly?” It was evident in my voice that I couldn’t care less and Fury sighed deeply at my indifference.

“No you’re work is fine, a little more aggressive than usual.”

“Come on Fury, you know I’ve always had a taste for violence.” I smirked and looked up at him, he glanced at me, his face showing confusion and uncertainty.

“Why did you ask for this mission?”

“I wanted to get back to work, the mission in Berlin didn’t exactly satisfy my needs.” I gave him a fake smile and turned back to my guns.

“But why so far from New York,” He pried further, not letting my apathy get the better of him. “You were very specific when asking for a job.”

“I like getting away from the mansion.” I murmured cooly, focusing mainly on the gun in my hand.

“Did something happen at the mansion, Romanoff?” Fury’s voice was laced with worry and he took a seat opposite me, I sighed, realising he wouldn’t leave me alone that easily.

“Nope.” It was one simple word, but it didn’t hide the irritation behind my voice, I let fury know exacly how much I wanted him to leave.

“Why didn’t you want Agent Barton to work with you?”

“Why are you interrogating me?” I put the gun down and looked up at him, resting my elbows on my knees and leaning forward awaiting his answer.

“I’m just curious, you usually work with Barton on cases like this.”

“I like working alone, I don’t need ayone to keep me safe, I can do that myself.”

“Are you and Barton OK?” Fury was persistant, resting his elbows on his knees and copying my position.

“We’re fine.” I said sternly, but he didn’t buy it.

“Agent Romanoff…”

“We had a disagreement.” I cut him off, growing tired of his game of cat and mouse. “You know how it gets, living in such a close proximity, it takes a toll on a relationship.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes.” I picked up another gun and went back to reloading it and organising my amo.

“Very well, I’ll leave you to your work.” He sighed, not fully satisfied with my explaination, and left.

The rest of the week was full of tracking down perpetrators, and when I did I made sure to be on my A game, not pulling any punches. It felt good, better than good, to be back to work, but I knew I would be back in New York in a matter of time, I just had to keep it out of my mind. Loki had left me emotionless, I had given my heart to him and he had thrown it away, he had drained me of emotion, of life. I couldn’t think back on our time together, the mere memory of how close we had actually got was surreal and embarrasing. How had I thought I would be safe in trusting him? My insticts had been right, though I hated to admit it, Clint had been right. Loki was nothing but trouble, he would never change. He used me as a distraction, a way of gettingback to Asgard sooner, and the thought of being used like that made me sick to my stomach. I wasn’t myself, I couldn’t be. I didn’t have the strength to go back to who I was, it sounds ridiculous, but Loki was the first man I ever loved, which sounds even more ridiculous. He had been right in saying that love crept up on you, I hadn’t realised that I loved him until it was too late.

* * *

_I was sat beside him on the bed, his green emerald eyes searching mine._

_“Even you cannot lie to The God of Lies Natasha.” His tongue peeked out and he licked his lips followed by his sly smile. He leaned in closer, his breath on my cheeks. He clasped his hands around my face, his lips pressing hard against mine. They were soft and comforting. I ran my hands through his hair, and he ravished me with passionate kisses, biting my lips, his hands exploring my frame with ample desire. In the moment I felt happy again, just the feel of his touch the closeness between us, it made my heart flutter with excitement. His right hand moved to my chest and paused there for a moment, until I felt a sharp pain where it lay. I looked down in horror as I witnessed his hand reaching through my flesh, breaking through the bones of my ribcage and grasping onto my heart. I looked up at him in disbelief and he gave me a devious smirk as he squeezed it, making me scream in pain until he finally tore it out in one swift movement. Emptiness. I felt nothing but the feeling of pure emptiness. He held out my heart In front of me, his hand saturated in my deep red blood. He grinned in pleasure as he squeezed harder, and I buckled over in pain. I heard his cold and empty laugh as I fell to the floor, writhing in agony. I was at his feet, begging for mercy. Blood dripped on the floor beside me, more and more as the pain grew stronger. And then the heart fell, right beside my face, and then there was only darkness. I was submerged in darkness. I could hear his laugh in the distance, echoing around me as I fell._

_‘I no longer have use of you’_

_Falling further, my chest felt like nothing but a cavity in my body, my mutilated body, ripped open, bloody and unsightly. I couldn’t breath. I was choked up on fear and pure unyielding pain._

_‘Are you that inane that you cannot comprehend the truth’_

_His cold and malevolent laugh was the last thing I heard, the last thing I experienced before I crashed to the ground, and I was gone._

I jolted upright in bed, with my hand clasped at my chest, reassuring myself that everything was still there. My breathing was heavy and laborious and my body was slick with my own sweat. I reached for the glass of water beside my bed and downed it in one. The dream had been so vivid, so real, it had left me in a complete state of fear. I searched for the clock in my hotel room; it read 2:43 AM.  With a heavy sigh I rolled out of bed and began pacing my room, rethinking my dream. I paced for a good two hours, only thinking, rearranging my mind, compartmentalising the emotions and locking them away. I took my memories of Loki and shut them in a mental box, I hated that he was still on my mind, granted it had only been a week, but he should have never been on my mind in the first place. The dream had only pointed out how cruel he was, I had no reason to hold any flames towards him.

I returned to the mansion that following day late in the afternoon, nearing dinnertime. I didn’t spend any time looking for any of my housemates. Instead I made a beeline for my room, I just needed to compose myself before I saw any of them again. I entered my room, the sight of it brought back a peculiar feeling, I resented it, but at the same time I think I missed it. The cage that had once kept me captive in a household of crazy had now become something of a home to me. As I moved further into my room I noticed a heap of paper on my bed, as I looked closer I noticed what it was. The books I had lent Loki were strewn across my bed, the pages torn, some were loose from their bindings, and the covers were scratched, barely recognisable. I felt a wave of anger take over me, what right did the bastard have to do it? Some of the books were originals, copies I had bought when I was young and had kept with me since as a reminder of my past. Loki had taken it upon himself to throw it all away. All of those memories, gone, and Loki was to blame, of course. I looked through the accumulation of ruined books, stoking the covers protectively, and then I noticed one book, the book that had started it all. “The Old Man and the Sea.” It was at the bottom of the pile, perfectly kept, not a scratch on it. In the heap of tattered books it stood out like a sore thumb, Loki had given it back to me not long ago, so I wondered why he had put it with the pile of ruined books, was it some sort of symbolic message? I didn’t care, I was too fuelled with anger to bother working out his cryptic messages. There was a short rap on the door, and I turned to see Steve smiling at me as he poked around the corner.

“Welcome back, Ms Romanoff!” He sauntered in and gave me a strong hug, I stiffened at first but relaxed into it, it felt nice to be in an embrace, I needed it. “How was the mission?”

“Good.” I said with a smile, awkwardly pulling away from him.

“Can’t have been as good as Berlin though, right?” He nudged me playfully, I grinned at how happy he seemed to see me, and it was nice to come home to something like that, as I had dreaded bumping into Clint or worse, Loki.

“How could it possibly compare?” I smirked.

“Damn right! Hey dinner’s almost ready according to Bruce, so if you want to get ready, you better get started. We’re celebrating tonight!” He gave me thumbs up and turned to leave.

“Celebrating what?”

“Didn’t you hear? Loki’s gone. Thor took him back to Asgard yesterday. We’re free!” He raised his hand up for a high-five and I slapped it half-heartedly. “I know, I was a little bit shocked too, after a month it had just felt normal to see him walking around.”

Steve left and I was left alone in my room, the compartmentalising of my emotions had been futile, my heart began to ache again. Even though I despised him, he had left me torn, wounded and in pain. I wouldn’t soon forget my dealings with Loki, the God of Mischief, the God of Lies, the only man I had ever truly loved.

 

* * *

 

Loki sat in the gardens of the palace, adorned in his armour, something he had secretly missed. He studied the paper in front of him. His drawing skills were rusty, he had been out of practice since he fell from the rainbow bridge, but this tree that he drew was easy, he had grown up drawing it, he knew every detail on the silver bark, the shape of its leaves and the colours of the fruit it produced. He moved his charcoal pencil to the page to detail the branches, but the gaze of the three guards surrounding him was too heavy and distracting. What was the point of being allowed out into the gardens if there was to be no privacy? He sighed and closed his sketchbook, placing it beside him on the bench. Drawing had become something he did to pass the time, he had been very skilled in that area as a young boy, and he would spend hours drawing the architecture of the grand hall, his bed chambers, and studying the features on his mothers face while she posed for him to draw a portrait. He remembered how she would sit with him, turning the pages of his sketchbook and admiring each drawing, telling him how talented he was. How he longed for that, to have the closeness he once had with his mother, though she claimed to still love him despite his cruel and terrible acts, he knew she feared him. She had every right to, he was a monster, the enemy, and there was no amount punishments or prison sentences that would change the blood that ran through his veins.

Heavy footsteps approached him from behind and he guessed it was a guard to tell him his hour was up and he must to return to his chambers, but the deep voice of Thor came instead.

“Would you mind if I sat with you?”

“Even if I were to reject you, I fear you would do so anyway.” Loki didn’t turn back to look at the blonde prince, he kept his gaze at the silver tree in front of him. Thor took a seat beside his brother, despite Loki’s silent protests; he looked at the tree also.

“Do you not remember how we once played around that tree as boys?” Thor smiled at the memory, glancing at the man beside him. “Mother always feared we would tear it down in the process, of course it was just a sapling back then.”

“I remember.” Loki muttered under his breath.

“Mother wishes you would dine with us at dinner, she despises the idea of you eating alone in your chambers.”

“Mother despises  _me_ ” He said coldly, but even he could not hide the sadness behind his words.

“Brother, do not say such things, for you know they are not true.” Thor pleaded, his body turned towards Loki. He wanted his brother back, but he knew it would take some time.

“Is that why you came?” Loki tilted his head in Thor’s direction. “To ask me to join you at dinner?”

“There was another matter that I wished to discuss.”

“And what is that?”

“The Lady Romanoff.” Thor’s voice was soft as he spoke her name, he watched for a reaction from Loki, but he merely raised an eyebrow at the subject.

“Why do you wish to discuss such a topic?”

“I wished to apologise.” Loki’s attention was caught on this, and he turned his body to the side to face the prince. “Father will not do so, so I speak on his behalf, I am sorry for what you had to do.”

“The apology is worthless if it does not come from father himself.” Loki spat in disgust and turned back to the tree.

“You know why father did what he did, he loves you, but this was necessary, no matter how much it hurt you to break her heart.”

“I did not break her heart.”

“What?” Thor frowned at his brother in confusion. “You told me you parted from her, telling her it was nothing a game.”

“I did.”

“And she did not feel sorrow towards this?”

“She never loved me, Thor. It was only and act, concocted by S.H.I.E.L.D. to learn my weaknesses. If anything… she broke my heart.” Loki muttered the last few words quietly, ashamed of how they sounded, but they were the truth.

“An act?”

“Yes.”

“I am very sorry to hear that brother.” Thor looked down at the grass floor, unsure how to console his brother without him drawing away in resentment. Loki had barely spoken to Thor since in arrival and Thor knew very well why. As they had sat in the conference room in The Avengers Mansion, Thor had explained Heimdall’s knowledge of Loki’s relationship with the Black Widow, and Odin’s resentment to such a match, he felt Loki was undeserving and had ordered Thor to tell Loki to cut it off with her before leaving for Asgard. Loki had kicked up a huge fuss, saying he would not go back if that was the case, and Thor had merely said that he would go back one way or another, but cutting himself away from Natasha Romanoff would allow him a less aggressive return to Asgard. And now Loki kept to himself, not even wishing to consort with his mother.

“Please tell mother that I will not be joining you for dinner, and if you would be so kind as to ask the kitchen to bring my meal to my room, it would be much appreciated.” Loki rose from the bench he was sat one and walked towards one of the guards. “You may escort me back to my chambers now, I am ready to return.”

“You loved her, didn’t you?” Thor’s loud voice returned as Loki began to leave, the Trickster stopped in his tracks at the question.

“I loved her, yes.” He spoke quietly as if ashamed by the fact. It was as if he was truly admitting it to himself for the first time.

“Do you still care for her?” There was a long pregnant silence following Thor’s query, Loki kept his back to his brother the whole time.

“Good evening Thor.” Loki muttered coldly and began walking back to the palace.

The blond prince sighed, it would take a long time to rebuild his once strong relationship with his brother, but he wouldn’t give up easily. He looked down at the bench to find his brothers sketchbook left behind. He called for his brother to retrieve it but Loki was too far away to hear. Thor fumbled the book in his large hands, opening it gingerly, unsure what he would find. On the first page was a drawing of a bench, it overlooked a large pond and a moon shone over the waters, Thor smiled at his brother’s skill, jealous that he was not so accomplished in such an area. He flipped the page and found a few pictures of tree’s, books, average objects turned into beautiful works of art, and as he turned the page once more he was confronted with breathtaking sketches of his fellow avenger, Natasha Romanoff. He had mastered her beautifully curled hair, her large eyes and full lips. Thor flipped the pages again, finding more drawings. Each one captured the assassin’s beauty perfectly, and on each page in the corner was one word, a name. Natalia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END.
> 
> The last chapter! Thank you for all of the support and lovely reviews!
> 
> This chapter is a bit of a conclusion to the whole story, but I most definitely will be writing a sequel. I have already written a couple of chapters for that, but I wont be posting them for a while, I think I'm going to leave you hanging for a bit (Maniacal laughter) I want to use this hiatus to catch up on some fic reading as I have a TON of BlackFrost fics I want to read and catch up on, and then I need to read actual books, and then I want to read 'Fear Itself' so I need to detach myself from writing for a bit. 
> 
> But anyway, tell me what you think of the ending. And are you looking forward to the sequel? Let me know!
> 
> Thank you for reading and keeping with me and enduring my terrible writing skills!


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